MIL took back offer

(88 Posts)
Crazycatlady123 Wed 31-Aug-16 18:04:27

Beginning of the year after moving to our first proper home, my MIL insisted she wanted to buy our pram for us when we we got pregnant. She has separated from my FIL and they're selling the house, but she offered after this all happened when we had started trying.

I'm 4 months pregnant, and lo and behold, she can no longer afford to buy our pram. I feel like it's all BS, her life is and will continue to be comfortable after moving. What winds me up even more is that she's like 'oh you must buy this make/that make' etc, at expensive options we can't afford.

It's not like we can't afford to buy a pram ourselves we're just more limited with what we can afford, but I'm pissed off that she offered in the first place then took it back. It would be a different story if it were for her 25 yr old daughter, who has always been spoilt and more favoured child of their family.

AIBU?

Jonso Wed 31-Aug-16 18:05:34

YABU
Let it go

pinkpeter1 Wed 31-Aug-16 18:05:45

Well if she can't afford it she can't afford it. You sound like a right spoilt brat.

Floralnomad Wed 31-Aug-16 18:06:32

YABU , you sound very bitter .

NavyandWhite Wed 31-Aug-16 18:07:04

Your baby you fund it.

dowhatnow Wed 31-Aug-16 18:07:22

YANBU to be disappointed as she shouldn't have offered in the first place but I don't think the pram is the real issue. I think you are pissed off with her in general.

Take her with a pinch of salt in the future. Don't expect anything of her and then she won't disappoint. It'll be her loss.

Omgkitties Wed 31-Aug-16 18:07:35

My mil has always done shit like this. We just don't rely on her anymore.

Cozytoesandtoast00 Wed 31-Aug-16 18:07:49

You sound like a very angry person.
Relax. Maybe try meditation.

PotteringAlong Wed 31-Aug-16 18:08:15

Yup, YABU. When you talk about more limited options I guess you were going to buy a really really expensive one. If mil cannot afford to spend thousands on a pram she can't afford it.

Jonso Wed 31-Aug-16 18:08:17

It's upsetting but if you let family dynamics draw you in it'll mar your pregnancy. Look forward to the baby! Focus all of your attention on your partner and pregnancy and be happy.

allthecarbs Wed 31-Aug-16 18:08:19

Yanbu but you need to let it go.

Ignore her advice, you don't need to follow any of it if you don't want to.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips Wed 31-Aug-16 18:08:30

YABU. Buy your own pram and learn from this experience, she isn't reliable.

Trifleorbust Wed 31-Aug-16 18:08:59

She can't afford it. End of story.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Wed 31-Aug-16 18:09:21

Yabu about the pram. People say all sorts of things about future events. She wasn't to know what her finances would be like when you got pregnant.

It sounds like the 'favouritism' with her dd is the issue for you really though.

TikTakTok Wed 31-Aug-16 18:10:15

Sorry but YABU.

AyeAmarok Wed 31-Aug-16 18:11:09

YABU.

She offered, that was kind. She no longer feels like she can afford it, so she's given you a heads up.

You shouldn't plan a baby relying on other people to help fund it.

Don't be so entitled.

Arfarfanarf Wed 31-Aug-16 18:11:54

I dont think you are unreasonable to feel disappointed.
If someone says they are going to do something nice and thoughtful for you then later says actually now im not going to...

It does not make you a dreadful human being to feel disappointed.

Where you have tipped over into unreasonable however, is where you assess her financial situation and determine she should still be able to buy you the pram.

All you can do is accept that she is no longer willing/ able to make this gift to you. Not judge her finances as you see them.

But. She does not get to tell you what to buy. Tell her that you will buy what you want and can afford and to stop telling you what to do.

Rainbowunicorn71 Wed 31-Aug-16 18:22:53

You're disappointed I get that, but honestly you have no real idea about her finances. Maybe she has debts you don't know about or had an unexpected bill? Or made the offer thinking you'd get pregnant in a couple of years rather than now? Or maybe she didn't realise how expensive they are?

Anyway, I'd let it drop and buy a pram you can afford. I have little sympathy with people who insist on the latest designer baby stuff.
I bought a lovely pram for £40 off eBay. My ds lived to tell the tale grin

LanaorAna1 Wed 31-Aug-16 18:23:05

YANBU. Don't believe any more offers and tell her firmly you can't afford expensive makes when she starts. Congrats on the babe.

BalloonSlayer Wed 31-Aug-16 18:23:25

Well maybe she thought it would be about £100 and someone has told her that the latest prams are all £400+ and she's horrified and backpedalling.

SlowJinn Wed 31-Aug-16 18:26:27

It's probably the cost of the latest prams that has had her withdrawing the offer. The days of a cheap fold up pushchair for less than £50 are gone. Try to see it from her point of view and don't be bitter, for the sake of your baby. She will be its grandmother and possibly a brilliant one.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Horsegirl1 Wed 31-Aug-16 18:27:09

It's a shitty thing to do op. I'd be so pissed off also. Yanbu . I'd buy my own pram and then when she wants to see dgc I'd be otherwise engaged or have plans ! Mils are just a bloody nightmare in my experience. I'd be so embarrassed at having to retract such a genorous offer. Good luck with baby op

MLGs Wed 31-Aug-16 18:27:58

Yanbu about the trying to tell you which pram to get if she's not buying it. You buy the one you want/ can afford.

KERALA1 Wed 31-Aug-16 18:28:24

People backing out of things makes others very cross. I don't think Yabu.

My in laws promised us childcare for my sisters child free wedding - we asked 6 months in advance. It meant a lot to us, all our usual help at the wedding. Our 2 dc very easy. They had never done anything to help us before then.They pulled out a week before with a really laughably lame excuse. Our relationship was on shakey ground anyway but for me that was the last straw.

heyday1 Wed 31-Aug-16 18:28:39

Is your DH more or less pissed off than you?

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