What happens now? Posting for traffic and help

(14 Posts)
PretzelPrincess Tue 30-Aug-16 23:42:29

I haven't name changed although I should because this involves a lot of toxic family members. So if I keep it vague I apologise.
I've left home today with two very young DC and we are safe and staying with friends.
We had to leave due to a long term emotionally abusive living situation which was also at times physically abusive.
I can only stay where I am at the moment for a short period of time until I make arrangements, but I honestly have no idea what those arrangements will be.
I'm not financially independent. I left work to have the two kids. Have limited savings. Have never lived on my own. I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now. Where I'm supposed to go.
I'm sorry if non of this makes sense. I just never thought I'd be in this situation. I feel like such a shit mum.

BlackeyedSusan Tue 30-Aug-16 23:52:50

you are a fabulous mum for removing them from an abusive situation. that is a really difficult thing to do and you have managed it.

ImNotJoeMyNameIsHarry Tue 30-Aug-16 23:56:39

First off contact a domestic abuse service in your area and try cab as well. Also can you get a doctors appointment and explain what is happening. Then contact benefits system. Your doctor may write a sick note for esa or you may get income support but apply asap.

ImNotJoeMyNameIsHarry Tue 30-Aug-16 23:59:49

Ask about food banks in your area. They can be a lifesaver. They can help with more than just food, they may have support or a clothes bank for you and your children. Make sure you have all paper work. And calm down. Take a few deep breaths. Your health is important.

CheshireChat Wed 31-Aug-16 00:00:27

Having money does not compensate for growing up in a toxic, abusive environment so congratulations for leaving. And I say this as a child growing up in such a family.

There's far more knowledgeable posters, but you'll definitely need to go and see the homeless department in your council offices. Any local women's shelter you can contact for advice and help?

Cornishmumoftwo Wed 31-Aug-16 00:23:38

Well done! It's an extremely hard move to make. I left with my children and a tent with the intent of living in it. I went to the council the following day and they were excellent. I was told they could give us b&b or sort a refuge place for us, she did push us toward refuge and I'm so pleased she did as they sorted everything with benefits and there was even a large box of food waiting when we arrived.

paddlingpool Wed 31-Aug-16 00:33:12

I may be wrong but I think your local authority must house you as you have children. This could be temporary accommodation but whilst there they should organise something more permanent. I think you need to tell them you and your children are homeless to get the temporary accommodation. Best wishes xx

ImNotJoeMyNameIsHarry Wed 31-Aug-16 00:45:54

Do you feel comfortable enough to share your area as there maybe locals that could direct you where to go? I understand if you don't.

AlpacaLypse Wed 31-Aug-16 00:51:21

Women's Aid should be able to point you in something like the right direction. Meanwhile well done for taking the agonising first step.

Very best wishes

Sunshineonacloudyday Wed 31-Aug-16 01:11:56

Don't put you're self down you left an abusive partner that takes courage and strength don't knock yourself down now.

LauderSyme Wed 31-Aug-16 03:01:15

You are not shit in any way, you are brave and resilient, you have suffered torment and survived, and succeeded in freeing yourself and your children from an intolerable situation. You are an amazing mum and your little ones are so lucky to have you.
Go to the housing services office at your local council asap to present as homeless due to fleeing violence and abuse. They need to start a homelessness case for you to assess whether they have a legal duty of care to house you or to provide other assistance.
They will at some point need to see documents to prove, for example, your ID, your national insurance number, any income, your recent bank statements and any evidence of the abuse, eg police or doctors letters.
It is highly likely they will advise you and your children to go and stay in a refuge that is some distance away from where the abuse occurred. They may refer you or explain how you can refer yourself.
Women's refuges are recommended as a good safe starting point where you will have access to advice and support and can then move on into your own rented home.
Do ask the council officer to explain all of your options, including getting registered on the council house waiting list.
As a single sahm, you are entitled to Income Support (paid by DWP) until your youngest child is aged 3, child tax credits (paid by HMRC), child benefit, housing benefit to help pay rent (paid by local council) and money off your council tax. When you start work you can claim working tax credits and get help with childcare costs too.
Happy to answer any other questions if I can!
Very best of luck flowers

FoofFighter Wed 31-Aug-16 03:53:50

They will not need "proof of abuse" please don't let that put you off.

flowers for you OP, you have done such a brave thing x

LadyB49 Wed 31-Aug-16 04:12:57

You've done the hard bit in taking the decision to leave and following it through.
Everything else will sort.
All good advice above.
Good luck ...... you will be fine. A great mum for taking the big step.

LauderSyme Thu 01-Sep-16 01:53:10

Foof is right, sorry OP if that came out wrong and worried you. I didn't mean you must provide such evidence, just that if you do have any, it will be beneficial to processing your case. Verbally explaining your situation is fine too.

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