XFIL recently died and XH wants to take our DC aged 8 & 5 to the funeral which is being held on a school day during the first week back.
Initially I said he could take them but having thought about it some more, I'm not sure I'm happy about it for several reasons.
- it's during school hours. Last year he took them on a term time holiday against my wishes which resulted in me being threatened with education welfare even though the head had authorised the holiday. I don't want them to miss school, particularly during the first week when they're settling back in. Initially I thought the funeral would be this week when I said yes so this has helped change my opinion.
- I think my 5yo is too young to go.
- they barely knew him. XH didn't speak to his dad for years due to a huge falling out and afaik only got back in touch after we separated. My DC know that he has died, and they seem OK with the news. He was very ill and I have discussed death etc with them before and since the news.
- I don't think he deserves to parade our DC in front of his family (which is what I suspect his true motives are). He doesn't pay maintenance any more and was always behind with it before, constantly cancels having them on his contact, is borderline neglectful when they're in his care. Basically, he's a poor excuse for a father and never ever considers their welfare and leaves all caring and financial obligations to me. It sounds spiteful and probably is but I've had enough of him getting the good bits of parenting without any of the responsibility. There's a huge backstory with so many examples of this.
So, AIBU to tell him that they can't go?