who is being unreasonable....dog toys.

(58 Posts)
AprilSkies44 Tue 30-Aug-16 10:53:15

i have a boisterous very large dog who is 2 so still quite playful. ive always had lots of toys for him to chew and play with, and i always give him something to keep him occupied if i go out like a filled bone or a kong.
he has never chewed anything else doing this but if he doesnt have something to play with / chew he will find his own toys....ie - remote controls etc.
on walks he like something to fetch and again if i forget to take something he will find a stick and make his own toy.

my partner doesnt live with me and i take the dog when i go and stay.

he told me not to bring the toys for the dog. ( i took a bone for him for overnight which partner was fine with) he says its not endearing to have slimy dribble soaked toys dropped on your lap or feet and he shouldnt have to select what to wear based on what the dogs going to drop on his knee.
the dog does bring toys and drop them on you when he wants to play thats true. he then sits and waits expectantly for you to chuck it. then he brings it back and so on
partner says toys are for walks and now he is almost 3 he shouldnt need toys all the time and he doesnt want them at his house.

who is right? thanks

Bringmewineandcake Tue 30-Aug-16 11:00:37

I can see your partner's point, I'd hate to have slobbery dog toys dropped on me. But what does he expect your dog to do? Would he be happy for his shoes, remote controls etc to be chewed up? I doubt that very much. He's either going to have to learn to deal with it, or find a way to not take your dog with you when you stay.

Soubriquet Tue 30-Aug-16 11:04:20

He is going to have to get over it

He has a choice. Slobbery dog toys, or chewed shoes

swisschocolate Tue 30-Aug-16 11:04:24

Neither is reasonable or unreasonable. Just differing viewpoints.

You call him your partner but don't live with him? Have you previously lived together or been married but since stepped the relationship down a notch? Maybe his view of the dog is trying to step even further away?

GobblersKnob Tue 30-Aug-16 11:04:42

Dogs need toys always, they are not kids they don't grow out of them! You are right and NBU, neither is your dog.

If playing with your dog is something you partner does not enjoy/isn't into then I would suggest in the long run it will be less painful all round if you find someone new now who loves your dog as much as you wink grin (not joking though).

champagnefromapapercup Tue 30-Aug-16 11:08:38

Your dog is part of your package. He ought to accept it. It's generally accepted dog toys are for home not walks dogs need toys at home to stop unwanted behaviour. You know this don't know I'm saying it!! I know it's said a lot and is easier said than done but what happens long term it doesn't sound like he loves the dog like you do

ElspethFlashman Tue 30-Aug-16 11:12:19

Dogs toys get flipping manky though. They get all grey and smelly and yuck. I know from experience that the owner goes a bit blind about that, but they do become pretty horrible pretty quickly.

I think if he's cool with a bone, leave it at a bone. I wouldnt be madly keen on someone bringing their battered old saliva drenched grey toys over with them either, tbh. And I say that as a dog lover!

WyldFyre Tue 30-Aug-16 11:12:56

Dogs need mental stimulation (ie toys)
Bored dogs can become destructive dogs.

WorraLiberty Tue 30-Aug-16 11:13:55

I don't think anyone's in the wrong

But I do think your BF sounds a bit anal

Is he otherwise fairly easy going?

WiddlinDiddlin Tue 30-Aug-16 11:14:58

Dogs need toys at home (and wherever they are staying) - not all dogs want them when grown up but most do and most benefit from it.

I can usually tell when I am going to see some unreasonable expectations of dog behaviour when i show up at a clients house and their dog has NO toys or like one, manky bit of rope its had since a puppy...

Some toys are best for walks, others for indoors, and its not reasonable to expect a dog to grow out of toys - my 16 year old dog has just picked up his favourite plush toy and given it a bit of a shake and a pounce!

All that said - theres no need for your dog to be an irritating pest with his toys, its not UNreasonable to expect an adult dog to be taught 'when people say no not now' this means 'bugger off and do your own thing and stop pestering us'.

I adore dogs, have five, think, breathe, live dog all day every day - but no I don't want a slobbery nasty old toy dropped in my lap or a dog nudging me every two seconds to play either.

Teach your dog better manners, possibly teach your partner how to avoid rewarding unwanted behaviour as well.

acasualobserver Tue 30-Aug-16 11:16:19

Love me, love my dog. You are not compatible. Advice: keep dog, dump boyf.

AprilSkies44 Tue 30-Aug-16 11:20:08

he says he loves the dog but doesnt want his toys dropped on his knee or shoes.

we havent ever lived together and i suspect we wont. when he first said not to bring his toys i laughed thinking he was joking, i told him not to be so mean but he says they are for walks only.

i tried to tell him he would find his own toys if i dont give him something. we dont stay very often. he claims to love the dog but i think after a while he has enough of him.

AprilSkies44 Tue 30-Aug-16 11:22:01

god worra no he isnt easy going. not. at. all.

hes hard work on most levels.

AlaskanSnow Tue 30-Aug-16 11:28:06

My 8 year old dog has an entire tub of toys. Some days he ignores then, other days he plays for hours. He wont grow out of it and him wanting to play with you (or him) is bonding.

GobblersKnob Tue 30-Aug-16 11:31:55

hes hard work on most levels.

Ack, find someone who isn't, life's too short.

WiddlinDiddlin Tue 30-Aug-16 11:36:59

So make sure you have toys that are not manky and dribbly, and teach your dog a 'not now' cue so he doesn't bug other people.

Try getting toys that aren't for throwing but are better for lying and chewing, Kong genius, Linkables and other stuff you put food in will be better for this (the genius and the linkables are like Kongs but you can connect several together for a tougher puzzle).

You could clicker train him to stay on his bed with his toy - just click and toss him a treat for lying on his bed chewing on the toy and gradually extend the period between clicks/treats.

Teach him a 'bugger off' cue (go to a place marker, I just happen to use the cue 'bugger off' for one of my dogs as I'd run out of different cues)..

Toss a treat onto the dogs bed - have hte bed nearby - as the dog trots towards it, give the cue 'bugger off' or whatever you chose (pick something your partner naturally says!)..

As the dog begins to associate the cue with the action, increase the distance.

As the dog starts to figure out that the reward ONLY happens on his bed, start to randomly toss him an extra treat for staying ON the bed instead of coming back over to you.

As he grasps this concept, start giving the cue before you toss the treat, toss it when he's halfway there..

Add in more distance until he can bugger off to his bed from the other side of the room.

Phase out the immediate reward and start to only reward after he's been on his bed for a few seconds - gradually increase that duration, but go more random so SOMETIMES he gets that treat for buggering off quite quickly, and soemtimes he has to stay on his bed a little longer.

To truly proof this, make sure the dog is INVITED to come and play BEFORE he gets so bored he feels the need to nag folk - ask him to do it when he is NOT in a naggy mood as well as when he is, so he doesn't just associate being asked to bugger off with being bored, and ensure people are not inadvertently rewarding him for pestering them by giving in!

MidnightAura Tue 30-Aug-16 11:38:11

Your partner is unreasonable. You can't expect a dog to grow out of toys, most don't. he doesn't have to like dogs but his reasons about drool and choosing what to wear based on the dog bringing him toys sounds really ott and anal.

5moreminutes Tue 30-Aug-16 11:43:18

I'D hate to have slobbery dog toys dropped in my lap all the time.

But then I would not get into a relationship with somebody who's dog was allowed to do that.

I think you have to be on the same page about dogs to be in a serious long term relationship - if your dog is a massive part of your life/ or the most important thing in your life that is absolutely up to you and you are happy with him dropping slobbery dog toys in your lap and that of your guests it is also totally your own business and choice and up to you - but you should be with somebody who feels similarly, if your DP doesn't feel that way you are probably incompatible.

As you say your DP is hard work in many other areas it sounds as if you'd both be best off not together - the relationship won't be smooth if you stay together. I don't think it's a case of one of you neing right and one wrong at all though - you just have totally different perspectives on dogs - which matters fundamentally as your dog is clearly already a massively important part of your life.

EttaJ Tue 30-Aug-16 11:43:46

I wouldn't be with a man that didn't share my passion for animals. My DH and I adore our pets. He sounds awful . If he's hard work on most levels why waste your time? Bin him and find a good man.

diddl Tue 30-Aug-16 11:46:28

I love dogs, but slobby dog toys dropped on you-yuck!

I'd be OK with toys being dropped on the floor near me though.

But your partner does sound like too much hard work.

blankmind Tue 30-Aug-16 11:46:59

You need a new partner, your dog sounds lovely smile

StrattersHasACunningPlan Tue 30-Aug-16 11:47:47

I'd stick with the dog personally, he sounds far too much work.

Spudlet Tue 30-Aug-16 11:49:25

Sounds like the words 'It's me or the dog' are in your future... That would be a deal breaker for me. Love me, love my dog. --In fact the little bugger has now totally transferred his affections to dh- envy-

VladmirsPoutine Tue 30-Aug-16 11:49:39

I don't think you're the right pairing. You both sound like hard work.

blankmind Tue 30-Aug-16 11:50:06

Seriously, think about this, then run for the hills with your dog.

If he's like that about his appearance now, whatever would he be like with a baby or toddler or young child....they'd do more than drop a slobbery toy on him.

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