To think my marriage isn't worth the emotional abuse?

(51 Posts)
PeachesAndDerek Tue 30-Aug-16 08:03:51

I'll try and keep it short. Got back from a brilliant week away in New York Saturday. Amazing time, no arguments or anything. As soon as we get home Saturday night DH kicks off (at me!) because my DS (18) had swapped the cables on the TV trying to get the PlayStation working. He'd also drawn a love heart in the dust on the telly which DH states is impossible to remove. (It isn't, it's now removed). Anyway he really kicked off, said I was useless and didn't give a fuck and that he works hard to pay for stuff like the telly and he's sick of me not giving a fuck. I tried numerous times to calm him down saying let's not argue, let's discuss it properly etc and he carried on and on. When we went to bed I tried to hug him as normal and he physically removed my hands from him. This was Saturday night, it's now Tuesday and he's still not talking to me, still going on about how crap I am and how crap my kids are etc etc. I went to kiss him before work yesterday and he blanked me. This will carry on indefinitely until I cave and beg him for forgiveness again or beg for a hug or some kind of warmth from him. I normally do but I'm sick to death of this "punishment" I receive every time he randomly kicks off. It's unpredictable - we could be having the best time ever and he will find "something". One time it was because someone has pooed in the toilet and not flushed it and he decided i should have noticed it first and sorted it out but because I'd not happened to go in that bathroom before him I had purposely ignored it and "didn't give a fuck". I'm tired of it. I feel like it's egg shells all the time. He's not been near me even for a hug since Saturday night. He's waiting for me to beg for it but because I'm not - he'll carry it on and on finding more and more stuff to complain about. AIBU in thinking marriage shouldn't be like this??? I'm all for talking but he doesn't want to, he wants to argue and then he wants me to apologise and beg for forgiveness and affection.

QuiteLikely5 Tue 30-Aug-16 08:08:24

I'm afraid you're on the road to hell with this abusive loser.

I feel sorry for your DC.

Your man is dysfunctional and will never stop his abuse.

Instead he will impart his dysfunction on you and your DC and cause untold emotional damage to you all in the process.

Have some self respect and show your DC that you won't tolerate this type of behaviour it is wrong and I believe, emotional abuse is now illegal (could be wrong though)

sooperdooper Tue 30-Aug-16 08:09:33

Jesus he sounds awful and very hard work, I couldn't live like that

Maybe you should get this moved to relationships?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 30-Aug-16 08:10:20

You've posted lots of times about this wanker , we've told you to leave him every time, he's a twat.

PineappleExpress Tue 30-Aug-16 08:12:33

This sounds so much like my ex. This will not stop and he will not change. Nobody is worth putting up with all that, I don't care how lovely they are the rest of the time

GotItInfamy Tue 30-Aug-16 08:13:33

Are you recently married? Because if you are who I think you are you have posted about him so many times everyone BEGGED you not to marry him

user1471428758 Tue 30-Aug-16 08:14:22

Marriage really shouldn't be like that, no, but unless you have other kids that are really little (you say your DS is 18) then why isn't the toilet being flushed? I could absolutely see why someone would get upset about it if your family is that lax about such basic stuff, it's gross.

TheField65 Tue 30-Aug-16 08:15:45

I'm sorry that you have to put up with this. No, life shouldn't be like this. I'm not sure what the answer is, but if it helps, I too have got to a point where I'm not sure I want to carry on with my dh because it has also got to the point of eggshells, and where I found myself trying to work out how I could have handled a situation better next time in order to stop him going into one. As long as I agree with him in all things then it's ok, but it gets to silly things like him telling me to put my foot down to get through a level crossing before the gates come down, and if I don't, then I'm 'going it again' and it 'would have been fine' etc etc and why don't I ever do what he says/suggests etc etc. It has got really bad lately and I'm actually not sure I even love him anymore.

Anyway - this is about you. All I can suggest is that you don't play the game or follow the same old script. Horrible as an atmosphere is, don't give in and do what he's expecting. Just ignore him and wait it out. Maybe, just maybe, just this once, he might have to start thinking about his own behaviour rather than being furious about yours.

Hoping someone else will have some really good advice.

LineyReborn Tue 30-Aug-16 08:16:19

This sounds familiar. Have you posted about him many times before?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 30-Aug-16 08:20:20

Liney I'd stake my house on it being the same poster with two older ds's and he's got two older boys himself.

Funnyface1 Tue 30-Aug-16 08:21:44

Marriage should not be like that and you (and your kids!) don't deserve it. He sounds like a real control freak. He's obviously use to having it this way so I would carry on as you are. Play him at his own game and detach yourself. When he cracks (and he will) say you've been taking some time to think about things cos you're not happy with how things are and you're not really prepared to put up with it anymore. A partnership, a marriage is not him listing things he's paid for, that's not a family mentality. Him knowing you are thinking this way will put the fear of God into him. He'll either shape up or he won't. If he doesn't you've lost nothing anyway. Good luck.

JustGettingStarted Tue 30-Aug-16 08:25:17

Stop trying to hug and kiss him. Just go about your business. Ignore him until/unless he says something sensible. If he starts moaning at you about poo or dust hearts or whatever just walk away without engaging.

Begging him (as well as trying to hug and kiss him) just rewards his bad behaviour.

GotItInfamy Tue 30-Aug-16 08:26:22

If it's the same op she won't come back to the thread.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Tue 30-Aug-16 08:29:44

Lolz, is this episode 1467898322 in the latest installment of the saga?

I don't believe any of this. Poster never returns to thread anyway.

LineyReborn Tue 30-Aug-16 08:32:53

Very occasionally there's been one quick and pointless return to the thread, but then radio silence. It's all very odd.

ButtMuncher Tue 30-Aug-16 08:32:54

FFS - so you married him then hmm

Ignore ignore ignore. I knew within the first line it was 'our friend' - kudos to her, she's not been about for a good month or so grin

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Tue 30-Aug-16 08:34:20

Of course it's not worth emotional abuse. No marriage is. He sounds like a dick and it's not a pleasant environment for your children to be living in.

GastonsPomPomWrath Tue 30-Aug-16 08:34:34

It's unpredictable - we could be having the best time ever and he will find "something"

This bit speaks volumes to me. My ex was like this. His punishment for me was to go missing for days on end leaving me with 2 toddlers, without money and transport and obviously worrying where he was.
He made me feel so worthless by the end. Then he left me (the cheeky twat) but honestly it was the best thing that ever happened. I can't wish away my children by saying I should have left him but I often look back and wonder why I put up with his abuse for so long.

You need to drop this lower before he saps away anymore of your soul and you lose yourself permanently.

TheDowagerCuntess Tue 30-Aug-16 08:37:29

Why do people think the OP is a repeat offender, and not just yet another poster putting up with a dick head DH?

Grumpyoldblonde Tue 30-Aug-16 08:38:04

We did try to warn you, (about 3000 times)

GotItInfamy Tue 30-Aug-16 08:42:46

The behaviour, the posting style, Dowager? And I've never read a post from op yet that somehow didn't mention the Playstation...

OurBlanche Tue 30-Aug-16 08:43:43

Dowager for the very first time I think I too caught the 'tone' of poster and thought I recognised it too.

I've always thought the Leaping Upon was hasty, maybe even a bit cruel, but now... maybe some of the Old Lags have something!

But if the OP is the poster pps think she is, she will not come back, she will start another thread, people will respond...

MoreCoffeeNow Tue 30-Aug-16 08:44:40

This sounds familiar. Why are you still with him? He treats you and your DCs like shit.

He has zero respect for you.

trafalgargal Tue 30-Aug-16 08:45:22

My friend's husband was like this , he was capable of sulking for days and refusing to speak to her or any of their children (including the toddler) it was utterly pathetic. The rest of the time he was a nice, normal bloke who'd do anything for anyone and was a great husband and father but every couple of months he'd go off usually over something trivial or imagined. Awful way to live , I'd have left and I believe she did eventually too.

Nanunanu Tue 30-Aug-16 08:45:57

Why are you with him?

No relationship is worth emotional abuse. Or any sort of abuse.

So why do you stay?

Work that out in your head and you have a chance to get out

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now