To feel disappointed with DH's attitude to DIY?

(25 Posts)
MariaCameFromNashville Sun 28-Aug-16 21:54:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 28-Aug-16 21:56:19

People have strengths and weaknesses instead of trying to focus on the weaknesses maybe focus on the positives, after all you said he's one of the good ones!

MargaretCavendish Sun 28-Aug-16 22:00:03

You're absolutely right that it has to be done so he should just get on with it - but isn't that what he did? It's perfectly fair to expect him to help with DIY, but a bit unfair to expect him to do so joyfully. There are some tasks around the house that I loathe: I do them, but I don't see why I should pretend to be enjoying myself!

Euphemia Sun 28-Aug-16 22:00:08

Comparison is the thief of joy.

He hates it - don't make him do it. DIY. Literally. grin

10storeylovesong Sun 28-Aug-16 22:02:49

My dh hates DIY. I don't mind it and am better than him. We have the same arrangement where he takes ds out so I can crack on with it in peace. Seems like a good compromise to me!

Yika Sun 28-Aug-16 22:05:40

I think he was pathetic (passive-aggressive) to be sulky about it - I think you're already being respectful of his dislike of DIY by doing the bulk of it yourself. But he can't totally avoid it.

I think you should have it out with him (nicely but directly).

JellyBelli Sun 28-Aug-16 22:10:31

I hate it when people do stuff in a sulk. Its got to be done, so making a huge thing about is is pathetic.
You could have done it together and made a joke out of it but he decided to make a scene instead.

topcat2014 Sun 28-Aug-16 22:11:16

the thing is, I am so like this. I genuinely hate DIY - it does nothing for me. Prior to being married I used to move in to a newly done up house, and then move out when it started looking tired.

Sadly, not an option to move any time soon.

MariaCameFromNashville Sun 28-Aug-16 22:43:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Astoria797 Sun 28-Aug-16 22:48:26

YABU. He did it in the end, that's what counts.

Bluebolt Sun 28-Aug-16 23:00:29

I find DIY can often lead to rows, DP and myself have finally after many niggles come to the conclusion that unless it's cleaning up after it is better to leave me to it. I resent him not helping but his idea of neat and acceptable and mine are miles apart and he cannot win. He has the grass cutting and the bins (trips to the skip).

neonrainbow Mon 29-Aug-16 07:31:06

Sure you aren't making this into a bigger deal than it is?

Ie did he actually have a thunderous face or a merely pissed off one and you think it's worse because you feel bad about asking him to do something he hates after he's been entertaining his child all day so you could get on? And let's face it you could probably have used a ladder.

Houseconfusion Mon 29-Aug-16 07:34:26

Yes do what yika says. Then do it for every single thing. That is THE recipe for a relationship to last and work long term.

EvaWild Mon 29-Aug-16 07:38:48

Stop focusing on it is my opinion. Perhaps he feels like you are better off hiring a professional and instead spending all that time you are involved with DIY together. Just some food for thought.

mixety Mon 29-Aug-16 07:38:58

My DP is fantastic at DIY, electrics, can fix anything that gets broken etc.

However he has plenty of other weaknesses, believe me.

It's not great that your DH sulked over doing a bit of painting but in the interests of a happy life I'd let it go and remind yourself of all his many good points. No one is perfect.

sandgrown Mon 29-Aug-16 07:40:04

My DP avoids DIY at all costs so I do it but he then has the cheek to criticise what I have done! He also sulks if "forced" to help.

phillipp Mon 29-Aug-16 07:40:31

Me and dh have certain jobs we never do. He never does the washing, I never do the cooking. Works for us.

Got to be honest, are you sure his 'mood' wasn't because it was the end of the day?

If anyone asked me to do anything once the kids are in bed, I wouldn't be happy. I would do it if it needed to be done, but I wouldn't be jumping for joy.

Madeupforthis Mon 29-Aug-16 07:41:54

My DP is exactly the same. I have a strategy; I do it myself. If I left it to him, he'd happily let the whole house fall apart. He just doesn't "see" the bits that need doing.

DeadGood Mon 29-Aug-16 07:45:16

"I think he was pathetic (passive-aggressive) to be sulky about it - I think you're already being respectful of his dislike of DIY by doing the bulk of it yourself. But he can't totally avoid it.

I think you should have it out with him (nicely but directly)."

Agree. One thing to dislike it; another to get in a mood about it. Just what does he think will happen?! Just get on with it! Clearly you had done the bulk of it yourself!

MackerelOfFact Mon 29-Aug-16 07:46:22

I think you a being a little unreasonable. The 'need' to decorate is fairly subjective - he might think the existing decor is fine. It's not like some other household tasks, taking the bins out for example, where failing to do them will cause actual problems. You've obviously decided that it 'needs' doing, but nothing will happen if it doesn't get done.

I'm pretty sure that if you were a man complaining about his DW being unhappy about being asked to help iron, when all his mates wives just get stuck in, you'd be told where to go, and quite rightly.

cherryplumbanana Mon 29-Aug-16 07:48:48

It's a bit childish of him to sulk frankly. If you only asked him to help with a high bit, I can't see what the big deal is. Just remember your annoying moments before it explodes in an unnecessary row! I would raise it with him, but wait for a few days at least.
I do know quite a few men who absolutely hate and refuse to do any DIY. Most end up paying for professionals, but some leave the work to their wife, you are not the only one at all.

CheesyWeez Mon 29-Aug-16 09:43:32

Sounds like my husband. DIY (and gardening) are just not his thing, for many reasons. He doesn't see the need, he works all week already without working on the house at the weekend, in the past he has done jobs and they haven't turned out well... his first marriage broke up partly over the terrible wallpapering he'd one. The frustrating thing is he doesn't want to pay someone to do it either.
However he is more than happy to take charge of the kids/cook/shop/errands/everything else while I get on with it. So now, after 20 years of marriage I do that, and for a big job I can't do by myself I get someone in to help and don't mention the cost to him. He's just happy to see it got done. (Perhaps he thinks I did it confused )
We all hate some things and leave them to other people if possible, while we do other things that they hate and we don't mind

CheesyWeez Mon 29-Aug-16 09:46:52

Euphemia grin you said it so much more succintly.

WamBamThankYouMaam Mon 29-Aug-16 09:48:57

He did it. Surely that's the key bit?

You don't get to decide how he feels about doing something.

NoFanJoe Mon 29-Aug-16 11:47:31

He's a man and he thinks he's expected to be able to do this stuff whilst at the same time having no confidence in his ability to do it. Confronting him with these inadequacies makes him defensive. So it's performance pressure.
It's not unreasonable for you to be disappointed, but it's worth being aware that's going to make it worse not better.

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