AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

(442 Posts)
Crisscrosscranky Sun 28-Aug-16 18:17:12

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint confused. I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour blush

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate --hate that term--or did I actually ask her to babysit?!

Jizzomelette Sun 28-Aug-16 18:19:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumUndone Sun 28-Aug-16 18:20:29

Really odd that she expected to be paid!

PotteringAlong Sun 28-Aug-16 18:20:46

I suspect that, as a childminder, she's had a lot of people asking for "play dates" during the summer holidays and she's going on the offensive.

I don't think you did ask her to childmind her but I can see why she made that assumption.

cansu Sun 28-Aug-16 18:21:23

That is pretty strange if you have never had a babysitting arrangement or paying arrangement with her before! I think if she is a good friend I would have to speak to her about it. If you don't then wait until she next needs childcare help and say is ten pounds an hour OK?

AndNowItsSeven Sun 28-Aug-16 18:22:13

No you didn't aske her to babysit, send her a text with a request for belated " babysitting " you have done.

honeylulu Sun 28-Aug-16 18:22:24

Tell her she can deduct it from your babysitting charges for the WHOLE DAYS you have looked after her child. Cheeky fucker.

DelicatePreciousThing1 Sun 28-Aug-16 18:22:29

She should have made it clear.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Sun 28-Aug-16 18:22:29

Did you word it to come and play, or to watch her? Bloody cheeky if it's the former!

Fizzer123 Sun 28-Aug-16 18:22:32

If it's her job I think you probably did, obviously you will think twice before having her DS in future though.

dontpokethebear Sun 28-Aug-16 18:22:52

Wow. That is cheeky.

I'd maybe send a text along the lines of "I know I agreed to pay at the time, but I was so shocked that you expected to be paid. I thought it was a favour, like when I looked after DS".

cherryplumbanana Sun 28-Aug-16 18:23:37

I bet she is on MN, has read this exact advice, and is using it in the wrong context. I suppose you will have to send her an invoice next time her kid goes to your place.

DropYourSword Sun 28-Aug-16 18:23:55

I think she's probably found an exceedingly effective method of stopping people cheekily asking her to babysit!

dustarr73 Sun 28-Aug-16 18:24:54

She should have told you her price before you dropped your DD over.Give you a chance to say yes or no to it.

I hope she realised what a clanger she's done.You have her dc during Xmas,well I'd say that stops now.She's ruined herself over a few quid.

NavyandWhite Sun 28-Aug-16 18:25:41

Well you won't be asking her again will you.

Ninasimoneinthemorning Sun 28-Aug-16 18:26:05

I'd actually send a text saying

'Dd just mentioned payment? Has she got that right? I assumed it was a play date like the ones they have at Xmas when your working?'

Arfarfanarf Sun 28-Aug-16 18:26:11

Yes you did ask her to look after your child. Asking her if your daughter can go over there for a couple of hours is asking her to babysit. What else could it be? A playdate is still someone else taking care of your child.

But it is ridiculous of her to ask you for money afterwards. You are her friend! What is it coming to when a friend cant ask a friend for a favour?

If she wanted paying then the time to say so was when you asked for her help.

I would pay the £20 and say i thought you were a friend doing a favour for a friend. It would have been nice for you to tell me when i asked for your help that you were going to charge for it.

NavyandWhite Sun 28-Aug-16 18:26:33

Today 18:23 DropYourSword

I think she's probably found an exceedingly effective method of stopping people cheekily asking her to babysit!

Exactly. Pretty genius I say.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sun 28-Aug-16 18:26:51

Tbh asking for a play date at hers was pretty cheeky in itself. If you want a "play date" you invite the other child to yours.

Crisscrosscranky Sun 28-Aug-16 18:26:54

I honestly wasn't- I asked if DD shed mind DD coming to play with her DS for a couple of hours as knew she was staying in! I wouldn't have thought anything of it if it was the other way round! I don't want to lose a friend over it so I will just pay this time and not make the same mistake again!

LyraMortalia Sun 28-Aug-16 18:26:59

YABU you asked a childminder to have your dc so yes you should expect to pay. A friend who just happens to be a child minder who offered to have your dc would not need to be paid. You asked, she didn't offer, you benefited she didn't. She lost her probably precious one to one day at home with her dc so you could go shopping in peace I can see why you are surprised but I think she was right to charge you.

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge Sun 28-Aug-16 18:28:01

I would pay the £20 and say i thought you were a friend doing a favour for a friend. It would have been nice for you to tell me when i asked for your help that you were going to charge for it.

This ^ Then offer a rare card if she wants you to have her DS again.

flowery Sun 28-Aug-16 18:30:13

You did ask her to babysit, however I wouldn't expect a friend to charge me for babysitting, especially after the event without being clear beforehand, so she was the one who was BU.

Arfarfanarf Sun 28-Aug-16 18:30:20

Oh yes and certainly say if we're charging each other for favours I'll tot up all those christmas time i had x while you worked all day and let you know what it comes to.

Its amazing how many people take but want rewards for giving.

They absolutely should get called out on it.

MinonsMovie Sun 28-Aug-16 18:30:43

OP at xmas why did you look after her ds while she was at work if she works at home as a childminder?

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