To think this woman is trying to hurt my baby? (Quite long, sorry)(62 Posts)
Hi, I've never posted before but I'm really stressed out about this and need to hear some outside perspective. I feel I should mention I'm extremely fed up of the situation I'm in and this may be contributing to an overreaction...
In a nutshell, I'm currently in temporary accommodation provided by the council in the form of a room in a shared house with my DD who is nearly one. I have been here quite a bit longer than anyone else now and have seen quite a few different characters come and go, and have got on with everyone up until now.
A couple of months ago a girl moved in with no children and none due, and was considered possibly eligible for housing according to her because she is vulnerable as she has mental health issues (I have not pressed her to tell me what issues specifically). I want to try and keep this reasonably short so I will just say, we got on well at first but she has now put me off of her because of her constant complaining about everyone and everything, to the point where one rather vulnerable woman was removed from the house on her whim, and her indecent joy in inflicting this on said woman. She also uses drugs despite her number one complaint about aforementioned woman being her drug use, and frankly just sometimes behaves slightly oddly and tells me it's her medication and not that she is high..
So the reason I'm now stressed out is, as I mentioned we got on well when she first moved in but her malicious attitude and displays of Schadenfreude have made me feel really uncomfortable around her, and I think she can sense this and has started to turn against me.
My LO and I have very little space and ever since she has become more mobile and active, along with the fact that my room is a garage conversion and has a plastic roof so gets unhealthily hot regardless of what I do, I have let her crawl/toddle around the kitchen, but as any toddler will do, she is curious about the bottom cupboards. I must emphasise that I don't let her in them if someone's stuff is in them, but when u am cooking she sometimes manages to get to open the door before I notice. This has never been a problem with anyone and they are all aware and laugh about it, but recently this girl has decides that she needs more cupboard space (perfectly reasonable) and despite there being 2 empty cupboards above the work surface, she has decided she wants a bottom one that my lo has a particular fixation with as it's where I stand when I cook, which she knows as she has sat in the kitchen swith us and watched LO pull out stuff I have purposely put in there for her to find as it keeps her occupied. I was a bit annoyed but didn't think much of it.
Now, she has recently made passive aggressive comments about some bits of mine being out in the kitchen, and I wasn't overly apologetic as I'm now aware of how she moans about everyone and I don't really want to indulge her. This morning, my LO has opened aforementioned cupboard which is a fixation of hers, and this woman has moved her sharp butcher knives and spray of strong Kitchen cleaner to the very front of the bottom shelf of the cupboard
She is young but a year older than me, and knows my LO is always trying to get in this cupboard, plus these items were perfectly comfortably stored in a top shelf cupboard. Is she being oblivious, or has she done this maliciously to prove some kind of point? I would always assumed the former but her behaviour is making me feel otherwise, and I'm incredibly upset at the thought of someone deliberately wanting to hurt my baby
I am afraid to approach her because as I've said previously, she seems a bit odd sometimes and I don't know what these mental health issues are, but she has self harmed in the house. I feel so trapped in this house, I have no idea when i will be moved and I can't see a way of complaining because really all she has done is put some very toddler unfriendly items in her cupboard. Am I being unreasonable to be so upset and angry???
I don't think she is out to harm your baby at all. You need to child proof those cupboards or have a play pen that you can put your baby in when you are distracted
You could offer to buy child locks to stop your child getting into private spaces.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
A couple of strong elastic bands over the door handles whilst cooking will solve it.
Informing the council is a bit far. OP hasn't even spoken to her yet!
Behave! No one stores knives in an under counter cupboard. No one!
Yes, OP should keep her DD out of the cupboards but no one should set out to make such trouble as OP has recounted.
OP - have you spoken to the council and tried to get rehoused... DD is growing, space is now not enough, she is getting into everything and this is annoying neigbours/dangerous? No real blame but problem pointed out!
Dear Evie, firstly I really do understand your situation - I have been in a similar one but with a 3-4 yr old - but in a shared temp accommodation for a long time which was shared with a wide-range of people who were eligible for council emergency assistance for a wide-range of reasons.
For similar reasons to yours I used the shared kitchen as little as possible, doing as much and keeping as much as I could in our own room. Mention your concerns to your HV, GP and Housing Hostel Overseer (whatever they're called) but you must keep rational and not get emotive - it feeds the 'fire'.
It's absolute shit, but keep with it, compromise as much as poss to keep you and LO safe. It will be worth it. .
And no, YADNBU
Sorry meant the immediate issue but agree it's looks like she is provoking the situation.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
"ive moved those really sharp knives and cleaner out of my babies way until we can get some cupboard locks"
I think you're right to think she is doing this deliberately. For whatever twisted reason.
You need to secure the cupboard first, or keep your DD in a high chair while you can't watch her, then call the council first thing Tuesday. They need to know they have placed your DD in dangerous situation.
Your situation sounds very difficult OP. Is there any timescale for you getting better accomodation? It is horrible that you and your child have to share with strangers.
I dont think you are being overly sensitive. I've met her type before. Make a complaint about her as she will escalate.
Wipe the cupboard over before you start cooking, and dont trust her an inch in future.
A box of wooden spoons and things could be a replacement cupboard for your LO. Good luck, I hope you find something better soon.
Report her drug use to the hostel managers?
Sorry I forgot to mention in the spirit of keeping it short that I do tie the cupboards as I don't want to be presumptuous and put childlocks on people's cupboards. The other girl in the house is fine with this but when this girls cupboard was still tied when I went back to the kitchen after putting LO down for a nap the baby blanket I came back and it was rather unceremoniously removed even though I was only out of the room for a couple minutes. I know I may be part of the problem with my lack of communication on my part, but I asked her once not to smoke weed in the garden when another woman had her two toddlers living here and it was very awkward.. I just feel trapped
I'd find out if that roof makes your room legally inhabitable as a bedroom. It sounds like it wouldn't meet fire regs for a start.
Aside from that, idmaskmypjr housemate breezily if she wouldn't mind moving the dangerous stuff out of reach. If she says no you'll have to do it yourself every time you bring your daughter into the kitchen.
She smokes weed in the garden? Then report her.
What ourblanche said, but I would def be keeping a close eye on her especially as you are clearly feeling very uncomfortable around her.
Every single refuge/hostel/safe house I have ever run or managed it has been against the rules to store dangerious items in common areas in reach of under 3's
Thank you Jellibelli, I really appreciate as I feel like the behaviour out of context might seem quite harmless but her as a whole package is quite difficult to cope with. I'm really angry about the fact that someone is possibly willing to hurt my daughter to make some kind of nasty point
Report her for the drug use at the very least.
Sorry to only thank JelliBelli, loads of posts went through while I was typing!
Thank you all so much. I was really at the end of my tether today and my poor LO is not used to me being impatient and stressed. I guess the main reason I am stuck is because, there is only one other girl living here with us who is very nice but her baby is very young, so if I complain then it is very obvious and naturally if I confront her in person then, well, I think I've said enough to illustrate why I wouldn't be comfortable with that even though there are more anecdotes.
I was considering thoroughly cleaning one of the cupboards (which I have actually done this evening), and nicely saying to her something like "Hey I've cleaned this cupboard for you as my silly LO is always trying to touch your things and I don't want to be a nuisance!"
Stupid girl that I am even that is making me anxious!
I believe the legal max says you can be in 'temporary accommodation' for 2 years - I got out after 8 months by applying to every Local Housing Authority that I had a link with and would accept me on their register. Give that a try too.
It was all just over 10 years ago for me - I mutually exchanged my way out of the first prefab flat (absolute palace to me after the hostel) and so on. I'm not even in 'social' housing now. Just sit tight, report your concerns (the Hostel people will already know a bit about everyone, true or not) and stay safe - keep as much as and do as much as poss in your own secure space, take your baby out as much as possible too. It will get better.
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