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AIBU?

To think 15 and 13 is too old to relocate?

82 replies

NorthRose · 27/08/2016 20:25

We currently live in San Francisco, DH has been offered a promotion based in London, England for 5 years starting April 2017.

At that point DS will be 15 turning 16 in September 2017 and DD will be 13 turning 14 in December 2017.

They're far too old to join the English school system so will have to attend an American School.

But my issue isn't the schooling, I think that they're far too old and too settled to be removed, they've lived in our house/our street/our neighbourhood their entire lives.

Although it's Europe I'm still worried about a culture shock, DCs do a lot of sports that may not be on offer in England, Hockey , Baseball, Lacrosse etc

Our entire family is in the U.S, DCs will both be attending University in America, with DD we'll be going back the year she's suppose to start but when DS moves back we'll still be located in England, which will just make the whole process a lot harder then it has to be.

DH has said that turning down the promotion means his career stagnates for a few years as he most likely won't be offered anything else for a long time.

Both DCs are on the fence about going.

I don't know if I'm being too cautious about this, it seems better to wait 4 or 5 years and then do the move if he's offered a similar opportunity when DCs both leave home.

OP posts:

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PikachuSayBoo · 27/08/2016 20:28

If the DCs aren't against it then maybe going for it. There's a lot to be said for London. And if you can sort out an American school then that's a big positive.

gleam · 27/08/2016 20:32

Hmm. Does it matter if his career stagnates for a few years? Ie, are you comfortably off at the moment? Could he change company if necessary?

I've been wanting to leave this area for years, but realised that I didn't want to uproot the kids during their teenage years. My last one is 18 next year and then we plan to move.

Pisssssedofff · 27/08/2016 20:36

I'll be relocating when mine are 16 and 14. It's life these days kids had better get used to moving where the jobs are

MatildaTheCat · 27/08/2016 20:41

April is an odd time to move school but other than that, if the DC are reasonably open to the idea I would go for it. London is fabulous and you have all of Europe on the doorstep to explore. Your elder DC may even decide to attend British uni but if not it would still be doable.

I've got expat family and the DC have had a much richer upbringing because of thioh, and surely an American school would offer the sports they play? Hockey is massive here, lacrosse is available and not sure about baseball. Netball is also huge.

Artandco · 27/08/2016 20:41

Erm you do know we play lacrosse, hockey etc in England

I think it's fine. We relocated various ages from tiny until now. It's good to see different cultures.

Why will they defiantly be going to uni in the USA in 5 years? Surely that's determined by grades and they could choose to go to any uni in the world. There are some great ones in the uk and Europe

SoftSheen · 27/08/2016 20:43

London is a vibrant and diverse place to live; it could be an amazing experience for your children.

A huge variety of sports are played in England (many were in fact invented here!) including all of the three you mention. Of note, Great Britain have just won Olympic Gold for women's hockey.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 27/08/2016 20:48

They'll be fine and probably richer for the experience. I moved a lot in my childhood and know I benefited from it.

And London isn't Mars. At a basic level all big cities have things in common. It will probably be less of a culture shock than if I uprooted my DD from deepest rural England to London. She still gets mildly excited at traffic lights

user1471462209 · 27/08/2016 20:49

My husband moved to the US when he was 14 and then moved back here to go to uni. He managed ok, but they had moved a lot before then.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 27/08/2016 20:50

Oh, and I suspect OP is talking about ice hockey, not field hockey. Am I right OP?

Hockeydude · 27/08/2016 20:56

I'd personally stay put.

I'm quite anti London because it's overcrowded and dirty. It's going on the tube and blowing your nose afterwards or later and the tissue being black from all the pollutants you've inhaled, that sort of thing. Absolutely can't stand it and moved away to avoid all of the above. Yes it's vibrant and diverse but I'd prefer clean air and the ability to get around without always being in a crush of thousands and thousands of people. Sorry to Londoners, I can't help feeling this way.

Re the teens I'd agree I'd not want to uproot them at that age. Also, not sure if you mean hockey as in ice hockey or hockey as in the sort of hockey that's played here (generally on astro).

Tootsiepops · 27/08/2016 20:59

My family moved continent when I was 15, and I went from British school system to the US school system (after a lifetime in the UK). Was a total shock for me. I had a very, very bumpy 6 months to begin with as I was a very introverted teenager and found making new friends so incredibly painful. But, after I got through the tough bits, it was amazing and I had a great time and made lifelong friends (left for the UK again when I turned 18). I wouldn't swap the experience.

SandyPantz · 27/08/2016 21:02

Reading your post it is quite clear that you don't want to go!
so availability of lacrosse clubs in london etc is a moot point!
Your OH is being unreasonable, there's nothing wrong with staying on a level for a few years career wise if it means your family get a life they enjoy - isn't that what you go to work for anyway? so that you can have a nice life? and it sounds like you all have a nice life where you are

aint broke, don't fix it!

RandomMess · 27/08/2016 21:02

Presumably you would probably live out in Surrey somewhere - a few American schools around there, ice hockey is Guildford Arena, your DH will commute into London each day with the thousands of others.

I think your teens will have each other and have a tightknit ex-pat community so it will be okay.

Goingtobeawesome · 27/08/2016 21:03

Why would they be too old to join a new school?

I went to a lot of schools and the last one was when I was 14. I had to change options but I was given an Education

RB68 · 27/08/2016 21:03

If the co are doing housing costs and relocation go for it - anything offered in the states sports wise you will find over here and a few more probably quirkier sports!!! If they are in the American school system over here the sports are likely American as well. Culturally it will be great for them and you can encourage them to keep friendships at home through Skype etc as well as the usual FB and Whatsap if they are old enough etc. The world in reality is a small place and this would be a great opportunity for them - I would do it in reverse in a heart beat. I would stick to the US school system def for eldest the younger one would probably transfer OK but once int he system would need to stay in it till the end of exams at 16 minimum and if there is any uncertainty around when you will return then might be best kept to the US System

RB68 · 27/08/2016 21:04

oh and we def have ice hockey here too so long as you are near a rink

MissElizaBennettsBookmark · 27/08/2016 21:05

My kids were 16 and 11 when we relocated from another education system. DD went straight into 6th form (yr 12), got AAB at A levels and is now at her 1st choice English uni. DS started at HS (yr 7) and settled well.
They are very happy. Best move ever...

EllieHandMeDownBaby · 27/08/2016 21:05

We relocated from Scotland to Texas when I was 13.
It was a huge cultural shock and I hated the first year. But by the time I left I had fallen in love with the place.

Regarding the DC, I imagine your son will be looking forward to driving next year? He won't be doing that in the UK.
You mention they're both into sports, and we certainly enjoy a rich sporting culture in the UK, but the weather means that the experience if VERY different to what they currently enjoy in San Francisco!

It's definitely doable but I wouldn't underestimate just how much of a change it will be for you all.

maddiemookins16mum · 27/08/2016 21:06

If they go to an American school that will make all the difference.

Liara · 27/08/2016 21:07

I think London is not great for young kids, but it is absolutely fantastic for teenagers and young adults.

I would have absolutely loved to relocate to London at that age. It is so, so rich, diverse and vibrant. In many ways life is a lot tougher than in California in the UK, but if you can afford to spend a bit of money there is really nowhere in the world that has quite as much on offer.

I would choose university in the UK rather than the US for undergrad, btw. Your dc might decide the same, and it would potentially save you a fortune. They would be able to apply with their US school qualifications.

jay55 · 27/08/2016 21:09

What about you? Do you work now?
It could really lonely for you to be here not able to work and not easy to make friends.

Not ideal for you kids college situation. Would they become out of state for tuition everywhere?

Narnia72 · 27/08/2016 21:09

Move to Hampstead. Great American school and Alexandra Palace with an ice rink and ice hockey team just up the road. It will be a brilliant experience for them and I really think everyone should live in a different country to their own for a time, I didn't and really regret it. Everyone I know who has, has always benefitted from the experience.

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NorthRose · 27/08/2016 21:09

UnexpectedItem, Yes, sorry for the confusion, I meant Ice Hockey although this may also be played in London, as I didn't realise Lacrosse or baseball were, I presumed it was only Cricket, Rugby, basketball and Soccer

Gleam, we won't be struggling if his career stagnates, the extra pay would help with university costs etc but that's it really. He can't easily change companies as positions at his stage are hard to come by, it would be better to stay and wait for another promotion.

DCs may not attend US universities but it's very unlikely that they won't.

I don't have an issue with London itself, I think the roads will be drive me crazy but that it really. It seems like every other major city in the world, no offence meant.

My issue is with uprooting them at this stage in their lives, Am I overthinking it?

OP posts:

SquinkiesRule · 27/08/2016 21:14

Dh and his siblings all moved to US at 14, 13, and 9 they all did fine.
We moved back to UK when Ds was 18 right after graduation, and Dd was 8. So far so good, Dd starts high school in UK this year and Ds went to local college and finished last Spring.

CafeCremeEtCroissant · 27/08/2016 21:14

Yes. You are. It's a fantastic opportunity for them, if you'd presented it that way I expect they'd have been more positive too.

They can finish their schooling at an American school, live in London & have Europe on their doorstep.

Madness to refuse.

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