To be a bit gutted that DS is now not going to uni and has got a full-time job in Sainsbury's?

(141 Posts)
Smartphones Fri 26-Aug-16 11:53:12

People may think I'm being harsh, but hear me out.

DS did good in his GCSEs, he went on and failed his AS levels, so they told him that he had to leave. We then paid for him to have private tutoring (a lot of bloody money) and he sat his exams as a private candidate, he did really well - B, B, B, C (after 2 years of the tutoring). He was going to a great uni to study psychology (wanted to be a counsellor). He literally came to me this morning and has told me that he has pulled out of uni, as he has recently got the job for Sainsbury's (I knew he had gone for an interview, but I thought it would just be part-time) but no, he wants to work his way up and become a manager there, etc.

I'm not getting it. We supported him with those whole extra 2 years of A levels, so he could go on to do his whole dream of being a counsellor. Now he has just thrown that all away? I'm actually really gutted!

8angle Fri 26-Aug-16 11:54:49

has he said why he doesn't want to go to uni anymore?

Cocklodger Fri 26-Aug-16 11:56:50

I would be upset too if I went through all that effort to get him the uni place and he turned it down but you need to be supportive. He's still young. He's allowed to change his mind.

wowbutter Fri 26-Aug-16 12:02:07

I admire his plan, but he probably does need some qualifications behind him.

Have you looked into the open uni? He could do that, while working. Best of both.

Loraline Fri 26-Aug-16 12:03:20

At least he had aspirations in terms of the role he's taking, wanting to train as a manager etc. Retail is one of those jobs where practical experience is the only real way to move up. He could have a fantastic career ahead of him. It's tough going though so he'll have to work hard.

Blueemeraldagain Fri 26-Aug-16 12:03:33

I had two "gap years" before going to university to do English and then a PGCE. The cynic in me thinks that Sainsburys have peddled him an idealised dream (you'll be a supervisor in 7 minutes, manager in 11 minutes and earn a quarter of a million in 9 days). He may well do a year or so and the sheen will wear off.

StealthPolarBear Fri 26-Aug-16 12:03:39

I suspect a year working at sainsburys will help him see exactly what he wants. It won't be too late to go next year.

PotteringAlong Fri 26-Aug-16 12:03:41

Think of the nectar points... smile

As a positive, he doesn't want to go to uni and has got a plan and a job. He's not loafing around doing nothing.

usual Fri 26-Aug-16 12:04:22

It's his life.

ImYourMama Fri 26-Aug-16 12:07:56

I didn't go to uni and took a job as a bank cashier at £12k a year. Through hard work, in 4 years I was on £30k salary with no debt when all my class mates were leaving uni with debts of £30K plus, very crap job markets and having to take bar/restaurant work because their degrees counted for so little. He's given it thought and you should be proud and supportive, a degree is massively devalued now, and unless he wanted a job in a sector demanding degree education, I think he's very wise

MammaTJ Fri 26-Aug-16 12:08:09

Maybe the extra tutoring made him realise he cannot manage it on his own. Uni is very much self driven study.

Whatever the reason, he has made a decision and you cannot change that, so accept it.

leccybill Fri 26-Aug-16 12:08:19

I sort of did this (got BBBC at A level too!)
Decided to stay on in my Saturday job for a year after uni, full time going into a retail career, seduced by management claims.

After a year of long hours and horrid customers, I couldn't wait to start a PGCE and get into teaching!
(Now trying to get out and would willingly work in Sainsburys but that's another storyangry)

Writerwannabe83 Fri 26-Aug-16 12:08:23

I did well in my GCSEs and A Levels and much to the disappointment of my parents I decided I didn't want to go to Uni and instead went in to full time employment.

After 18 months of being in a job that pretty much anyone could do and earning pretty crap money I realised that I wanted more from my life, went to Uni, got a good degree and now have a good career.

Let him take on this job, he will work out his own path and just because this is the choice he's making now things may be very different in 12 months time.

Ifailed Fri 26-Aug-16 12:09:58

Compare the money "thrown away" on his two years of A levels (which he'll never lose) to the cost of 3 years at Uni. At least he's now earning, and I suspect that a year of actual working where you are expected to behave like an adult will do him more good 1st year of college.

I know something about Sainsbury's, and yes, a lot of the senior people came up through the ranks, and a grade 6 manager (big store manager/Head Office manager) can easily see £100k pa.

MaryMargaret Fri 26-Aug-16 12:10:27

Have a look at the options for career progression through Sainsburys. If he is ambitious there and they like him he may be able to get sponsorship for business qualifications - certainly some large corporate employers will do this, and he gets the benefit of a salary not a debt. And his A levels will be critical to this, so he is vertainly not throwing away your investment, far from it. Nothing to say he can't stillbecome a counsellor one day, lots of people retrain when they have a couple of decades of adult life experience under their belt ( and secure housing etc) but a daft career to embark upon if you're not 100% committed - both for the counsellor and the counsellees?

rosesarered9 Fri 26-Aug-16 12:11:12

Make him learn Norwegian and move to Norway. grin
Norway in general IS expensive, but as a shop assistant you can easily earn 250 000 kr a year/£25000, so when he comes to the UK it will seem that he has earned a lot of money considering the type of job he has.

On a more serious note, has he said why he doesn't want to go to uni?

MrsJayy Fri 26-Aug-16 12:11:24

Did he want to go to university or was it just expected that is what the next step would be? I can see your upset but getting his Alevels was a huge struggle for him and you as a parent helped him do that. A phsycology degree is only part of becoming a councillor it took my friend 5 years to get where she is as an adult she needed so many hours before she could even be let loose on her own with a patient/client, anyway your son has changed his mind it really is ok .
FWIW 1 of mine did a 4 year degree and has switched totally and now does something is unrelated to her degree I was a bit upset but it is their life. Sainsbury is z great company to work for they do promote Dds friend is 24 and a produce manager he started same time as Dd part time through Uni got his degree and decided to stay where he was.

Tiggywinkler Fri 26-Aug-16 12:12:12

Can he defer his place for a year and give Sainsbury's a bash for that time?

It'll be sort of an unofficial gap year, but he'll be earning.

As a former retail manager, I would almost guarantee that at the end of a year he'll be desperate to escape the public and go enjoy student life.

rosesarered9 Fri 26-Aug-16 12:12:30

But working in supermarkets is good to have on a CV, particularly if applying for receptionist, flight attendant jobs etc.

wizzywig Fri 26-Aug-16 12:13:22

You can go to uni at anytime. Is it the fact that you paid so much for tuition that has gotten to you?

gleam Fri 26-Aug-16 12:14:55

Perhaps he has decided that he would struggle too much at uni? Sainsbo seems to be a good company to work for (one of mine worked for them) and yay! he got a job! Fantastic news, these days.

Your money has not been wasted. Any extra education is a plus. Those qualifications will probably help him move up in Sainsbo and he's got them for the future if he does change his mind.

I appreciate you're disappointed, but I don't think it's a disaster. Buy him a good luck in your new job card and be pleased he's got ambition and won't have that horrendous uni debt. smile

MaryMargaret Fri 26-Aug-16 12:15:08

And agree with writerwannabee,uni is such a kneejerk route - a few years in the real world can help crystallise both the motivation, and the clarity re direction - too often kids do one degree, then mum and dad find themselves shelling out for a masters in something quite different which apparently is what they 'really want to do'. IMO more youngsters should take the path your ds is taking!

BlancheBlue Fri 26-Aug-16 12:16:25

As someone said above be wary of supermarkets peddling non existent career development - a good friend of mine works for one of the big supermarkets (started at the bottom) - it is very hard to get above a certain level in store without degree/in on grad scheme and she is forever dealing with poor overall managers who have come in via the graduate entry route.

wizzywig Fri 26-Aug-16 12:17:32

Forgot to add that life experience is so valuable if he chooses to pursue counselling later in life

LurkingHusband Fri 26-Aug-16 12:18:36

If he does well, and moves through the career structure, in 5 years time he could be earning more than his graduate contemporaries - and not have a sodding big loan around his neck.

Anyway, he's young. Plenty of people change direction before settling on a course.

Personally I think the UK is far too rigid on timescales and timetables. There are a hell of a lot of kids who would benefit from being given more time to decide what they want to do. Also we could develop a support system for people who discover aged 40,50 that they really want to change what they do, having discovered that their entire life view has changed.

Especially with people living and working longer, second careers are bound to be a thing (little tip for any investors there).

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