To not ask why our friends are giving us the cold shoulder?

(12 Posts)
monkeywithacowface Thu 25-Aug-16 14:53:14

Well I think I know why actually but just wondering if it's just best left alone. Our dc's are in the same class and often play out together BUT very often rub each other up the wrong way/bicker etc (so far so normal for ten year olds I guess). I've always viewed it as six of one half dozen of the other although I have taken exception to her dc giving mine light slaps around the face when they don't get their own way hmm

The falling out seemed to becoming a bit more regular and then there were two incidents whereby her ds made a point of excluding my ds. The first time he invited ds out for an activity (they both came and asked me if it was ok so I know he did ask ds) and when ds turned up in the morning he arrived to find his friend had changed his mind about inviting him and had left with his mum and another friend instead. DS was gutted and cried sad. Then a few weeks later they were all playing outside with a couple of other neighbourhood kids and this lad invited everyone except ds over to his house for milkshakes and told ds he couldn't come. DS said why couldn't they all just stay out and play together? His other friends agreed with him and this other lad stormed off alone (he flounces ALOT when he doesn't get his own way and I've seen this for myself as he's often done it when playing at our house) We've not seen or heard from him since and this was a few weeks ago now.

I told ds that sometimes people are just too different to get along well with and friendships sometimes run there course and that maybe he shouldn't actively seek out this boy anymore (they're both heading to different school anyway in September)

However they do attend the same club for an activity which has now restarted after summer break. We often swap lifts etc. Last night DH phone the dad to ask a question about the activity and the dad was very abrupt, gave one word answers and hung up without saying goodbye.

I haven't seen the mum but she is one of the kindest people I know so firstly the whole uninviting ds from an activity was a real surprise I can only assume she didn't know because it really wouldn't be like her to allow it.

If there has been something else going on that I don't know about between the boys I would have hoped she would come talk to me. I'm not a "my child would never be horrible type" and if something needed addressing I'd be on it.

Just not sure how to move forward given that we will see them weekly at this activity. Tempted to leave well alone but suspect DH will charge in like a bull and ask the dad "what's your problem mate?" Or say "well your sons a mardy sod so it's not all one sided " (DH doesn't do tact or diplomacy and neither does the dad, he's fairly gruff and outspoken)

Jelliebabe1 Thu 25-Aug-16 15:54:43

I'd just leave it unless the parents are your best friends or an integral part of your social circle!

coolandcalm Thu 25-Aug-16 16:10:34

Well as the mother is a nice reasonable person you could perhaps mention about your ds turning up for an outing and then being turned away, if it was me I'd want to know if my child was being that horrible. Just see what she says and take it from there.

KC225 Thu 25-Aug-16 16:51:21

Can you not just jokey text her about lift arrangements and just make out the men didn't talk. If she is nice and reasonable, you will know by her response how the land lies

tinsheddy Thu 25-Aug-16 16:56:04

Exactly what Jelliebabe1 said.

monkeywithacowface Thu 25-Aug-16 17:08:03

That's the thing jelliebabe they're not so that's why I feel inclined to leave it. It's typically the dads the do all the lift arrangements etc so would be odd for me to text. Just hate bad atmospheres really but the stubborn part of me thinks well if you're gonna blank me and not tell me why did you. Meh this is why I have a very small social circle!

Jinxxx Thu 25-Aug-16 17:20:58

This sort of thing makes me bonkers. I'd have to ask the Mum - maybe say something like I'd noticed a bit of an atmosphere and had I unwittingly given offence in some way or had the boys fallen out. I'd rather know, even if I or my son were at fault, but it's also all too easy for misunderstandings to happen or others to stir up trouble. The longer it goes on, the less likely it is to be able to be put right.

AlpacaPicnic Thu 25-Aug-16 17:27:07

Is there a chance that maybe the other dad was just having a really bad day? And the abruptness wasn't anything to do with the minor falling out, it was just coincidental timing? Otherwise, like you say - I'd just leave it be.

maninawomansworld01 Sun 28-Aug-16 00:13:21

Same as Jelliebabe1 said....

Leave it, kids fall out all the time and if the parents can't see that and take it personally then unless they're a part of your social circle just forget them.

DW and I have friends, then there are other adults who happen to be the parents of DC's friends. One or two may fall into both categories but not many.

I'd also be stopping the lift sharing etc. As they are off to different schools it's likely they'll not be friends for that much longer anyway.

Not worth it, just let it fizzle out.

Nanny0gg Sun 28-Aug-16 00:34:58

he first time he invited ds out for an activity (they both came and asked me if it was ok so I know he did ask ds) and when ds turned up in the morning he arrived to find his friend had changed his mind about inviting him and had left with his mum and another friend instead. DS was gutted and cried

Did you not phone the mum to ask what the problem was?

dustarr73 Sun 28-Aug-16 01:57:58

he first time he invited ds out for an activity (they both came and asked me if it was ok so I know he did ask ds) and when ds turned up in the morning he arrived to find his friend had changed his mind about inviting him and had left with his mum and another friend instead. DS was gutted and cried

The mother doesnt sound nice at all.I would leave it,its no loss to you or your kids.

ImissGrannyW Sun 28-Aug-16 02:13:58

I get they are going to different schools in Sept, but if both the children are going to an activity that you used to lift-share, it seems bonkers that now both ch are being driven to and from by their own parents. Lift sharing is good! Can you not just focus on that and ask why?

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