First time poster...a bit of a long one so please bear with me.
I have a good friend who I've known since primary school (we're both in our early 30's now). She lives in the US. We have a very good open friendship, able to talk about pretty much anything. She's always been very level headed and non judgemental.
I have a 16 month old DS. We were very lucky to have gotten pregnant very quickly when we started trying. She was the second person I told after I found out. She was a newly wed at the time and naturally very happy for me. A year and a bit ago she started trying for a baby...months passed and she didn't get that BFP. I would try and message her now and then to see how she was doing, and try to support her and try and say the right things. One of my very good friends here has also struggled with infertility for the past few years so sadly I do know a lot about what the struggle is like, but of course its hard to really know until you're in the situation and I totally get that. So once I realised she was struggling, I stopped bringing up my son and anything parenting related with her just in case that would upset her. I don't send her any pics or updates about him, although once in a while I post a photo on Facebook for all friends and family to see.
Last night I got a long email from her completely out of the blue. The opening line was "you asked if there's anything you can do......and there is one thing you could do, actually: Recognising that infertile people exist, and being sensitive to that."
And then she goes on to tell me "As someone who would do anything to be a mother, it is so painful to see jokey posts on facebook about "things that only moms understand" .... and then basically a rant about how its not her fault she's infertile and how she's very healthy and so on and on. It was so random and I wasn't expecting it at all, and it honestly really really upset me. I had no idea what post she was talking about so I actually had to go into my Facebook and scroll through to see. The last 'mom joke' thing I had posted was a month ago, and it was about something that I identified with a lot otherwise I never post things like that. I clarified with her if thats the post she was talking about and she said yes it was. In my eyes it was harmless and I shared it without thinking so may be that was my bad.
Anyways I'm more upset about the way she went about it, if she had just sent me a message saying 'Hi --- , there's something on my mind and I was wondering if I could talk to you about it'...would have gone down a lot better? She also admitted that she knows I didn't do it intentionally. And it was a whole month ago!
I honestly don't know if I have the right to be upset or is she allowed to vent her frustrations out on me and I have to accept it? Incidentally I showed her email to my other friend whose about to start IVF, in case I was over reacting, and she said she was very upset for me on my behalf.
Thanks for reading.
MNHQ have commented on this thread
AIBU?
To be upset by this email from friend?
mscongeniality · 25/08/2016 12:44
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