AIBU to think that at aged 25 I should be allowed to be sterilised?

(371 Posts)
MidnightMargaritas Thu 25-Aug-16 10:11:18

So basically I have two lovely kids one 6 year old DD and a 15 month old DS. I have been married to their father for 3 years and we have been together 8 years in total. I have always had problems with hormonal contraception. (Losing hair, getting sick, allergic reactions, pregnancy etc) I'm currently on the depo but dont want to remain on it as it seems to be making me even more anxious (i'm on 50mg sertraline). Have also had the mirena coil, implant (x3), cerelle, cerazette (got pregnant on this), microgynon, cilest (got pregnant on this) and used condoms.
After a very traumatic birth with my son (which ended in EMCS), I had terrible aftercare and PTSD so I decided to ask the GP during my therapy if I could be sterilised. I was told I wasn't allowed. At my age too many women regret sterilisation. I was then told I could meet someone else and decide to have children. The GP then said if one of my kids were to die I could still go on to have more. I left it six months and decided to ask again to be told the same thing and its really upset me. I was also told it costs the NHS a lot of money for the Op. What I dont understand is that if I was to have another child I would need a lot of therapy, medication, scans and i'd probably end up needing another c-section. Surely it would be more cost effective to let me be sterilised?
When I knew they werent relenting I asked about my DH having the snip. They said that was also unlikely due to his age.
I'd rather have the op because the thought of me ever being pregnant terrifies me. Even if me and my husband separate I would never want to have another child. I couldn't cope. I couldn't afford to get it done privately (6K)
So AIBU to think that at aged 25 I should be allowed to be sterilised?

TwoTeaTessie Thu 25-Aug-16 10:16:36

I was 32 when I was sterilised after the difficult pregnancy of my daughter.
I honestly don't think your children dying is a suitable response as you can't just replace children by having more.
I would honestly ask to speak to another doctor or ask to be referred to a consultant as there are different ways of being sterilised some that are not as intrusive as full blown op x

MrsJayy Thu 25-Aug-16 10:16:39

Yanbu to want to be sterrilised at 25 I got my sterilisation just turned 28 no regrets my Dr was fab saw my reasons and agreed to do it My obstetrition did it he saw how ill i was in pregnancy

allowlsthinkalot Thu 25-Aug-16 10:17:57

Sorry OP but at 25 you ate so young. You have 20 childbearing years ahead of you. Almost as long as you'be been alive! Anything could happen and you will be an entirely different person in ten years' time. This isn't what you want to hear I know.

A close family member had a phobia of pregnancy and was convinced she wanted to be sterilised at 25. She was adamant that she had no desire for children, knew her own mind and that wouldn't change. GP said no. She is now a mum and says it's the best thing she's ever done. So much can change.

allowlsthinkalot Thu 25-Aug-16 10:18:51

The GP's comment about having more if your children died is absolutely outrageous though.

Heartonmysleeve1 Thu 25-Aug-16 10:20:17

I want to be sterlised but have to wait till youngest DS is a year old due to the risk of SIDS which I think it's standard of course no child is replaceable but often people want to be able to have the choice if hey wanted another child.

myownprivateidaho Thu 25-Aug-16 10:20:23

I understand it's a pain, but can you not use condoms? Ultimately it seems drastic to be sterilised this young, and are there not side effects?

formerbabe Thu 25-Aug-16 10:23:39

I have always had problems with hormonal contraception.

Me too...I have a copper coil now...best thing I did!

MidnightMargaritas Thu 25-Aug-16 10:23:59

We have used latex free condoms in the past and i've still had irritation sad

MrsJayy Thu 25-Aug-16 10:25:11

Posters are patronising the Op she has finished having babies and I am sure she has thought this through she doesnt want to have 20 child bearing years ahead of her and I have been sterrilised for nearly 2 decades with no side effects.

Rulerruler Thu 25-Aug-16 10:26:34

I used to work in gynaecology and saw many young women turned down like you. I think it's very unlikely you will get the operation before you turn 30 unfortunately. I would though suggest maybe your DH considers a vasectomy? At my trust the general surgeons were much more willing to consider this. My own DH had it done when he was 30 and I was 28. All they wanted was me to sign the consent form to to say I also agreed to it.

MidnightMargaritas Thu 25-Aug-16 10:28:11

My husband has been told he is too young to have a vasectomy. Hes also 25.

ButtercreamIcing Thu 25-Aug-16 10:29:25

I wouldn't want to sterilise a 25 year old woman. It's not just about what you want but whether the doctor is willing to risk potential repurcussions if you change your mind. Sterilisation has a long and ugly history of being used as a medical weapon.

You might be able to shop around and find a doctor who will do it, but most will say no and not want that responsibility on their head.

Vlier Thu 25-Aug-16 10:29:33

Can you save up and pay for it yourself? In a different country if they still refuse after that.

LilithTheKitty Thu 25-Aug-16 10:32:59

Could you try the copper coil in the meantime while you're pestering the doctors? There's no hormones and it lasts 10 years. I don't get on with hormones either so that's what I have. The only downside is my periods are heavier and more painful but I accept that as it's better than putting up with the damage to my mental health.

AcornToOak Thu 25-Aug-16 10:33:24

Yanbu i was sterilised at 25, 6 nearly 7 years later there is no regrets, i think you should seek a second opinion however it may be different trusts go on different criteria therefore no doctor in your area may be willing to ok it

MidnightMargaritas Thu 25-Aug-16 10:34:23

I cant afford six grand. I can barely afford the kids I have. sad
I never want to be pregnant again. Anything could happen, me and DH might split up but I know I never want to have anymore. I would get a loan but my credit is crap.

MidnightMargaritas Thu 25-Aug-16 10:36:52

I would try the copper coil but been advised against this as I already have a very heavy, crampy (7 day) periods

VoldysGoneMouldy Thu 25-Aug-16 10:36:55

YANBU. At all. I think it's shocking that women aren't trusted to make their own reproductive decisions.

MrsJayy Thu 25-Aug-16 10:37:46

Is the general criteria over 30? I can see why Drs are reluctant but it just shouldn't be a generalised no to younger women who want to take charge of their fertility finished with babies

MrsJayy Thu 25-Aug-16 10:39:02

I couldn't get the coil either i had a history of pelvic floor infections

MidnightMargaritas Thu 25-Aug-16 10:41:15

My last consultant said she would refer me to be sterilised after I had my son as I had a horrific pregnancy, birth and postbirth experience. Then she left to go to africa. Her secretary said she had left no paper work so that was no longer an option. I was devastated.

DiegeticMuch Thu 25-Aug-16 10:41:31

You're a grown woman who knows her own mind. It's your body. Make an appointment with someone else.

whersthel1ght Thu 25-Aug-16 10:41:54

Op you have my sympathy I also have major issues with hormonal contraception and irritation from the lubricant on condoms of all types we have tried!

I was told at 17 I would never be able to have kids as didn't produce viable eggs. I was desperate to have a hysterectomy as it was the ultimate cruel was to have to suffer horrific period pain although no periods and the once in a blue moo. I did bleed i would saturate the super plus towels in 20 minutes. Through God knows what miracle I fell pregnant whilst using condoms and being on meds that should have stopped any chance. I know have a beautiful dd who so 3 so I am glad they refused me!

I think the problem with your age is that a lot of women change their mind around 30 so they try and delay it. Also you will need to be put on HRT and there is a massive link between extended HRT and female cancers so they don't like putting people at risk especially when they have small children.

I am surprised however that they won't consider giving your DH a vasectomy though as this would be the easier option and easier to reverse. I would perhaps book a joint appt with your GP and discuss together (maybe a different one to the dead child comment)

SomedayBaby Thu 25-Aug-16 10:44:22

Sorry op but I think except for exceptional circumstances - along the lines of a future pregnancy being life threatening or the like - I think Doctors are right to refuse a 25 year old sterilisation.

Like a pp said, you have 20 childbearing years ahead of you and no one can possibly know what they'll want in the future (as much as we all like to think we will).

I wonder how many of us on here would have been adamant in their early/mid 20's that they either didn't want children or were 'certain' they'd never want more? I'll bet that there would be plenty of examples.

And yes that sounds patronising (sorry) but is is true.

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