AIBU to call the police re suspected gnome shooting?

(23 Posts)
fairmac Wed 24-Aug-16 18:24:40

We have a cheeky gnome, Gordon (obviously!), who sadly is no more. I looked out the patio window the other day and his head had exploded! His body was in the same position on the soil, upright, but his head was smashed into several pieces over the patio, a good 2-3 foot away. My friend came over and between us we glued him back together and there was a point at the back of his neck where there were no pieces at all, just splinters of pottery. Now maybe I'm paranoid, but how could his head have completely detached from his body and exploded over the patio whilst his body stayed upright? If he'd been hit by a stone then surely his body would have fallen over too? Very confusing.

Anyway, we left poor Gordon on the patio table patched up the best we could. 2 days later his head has exploded again!!! His body was upright still but his head was about 2-3 feet away in pieces. It was a completely new break below where we had glued his head back onto his body. The only logical(?!) conclusion I can come to is that he's been shot. If one of the cats had done it then the body would have been knocked over and the head would have been next to the body. Melodramatic? Yes. But I have lived in a quiet area for 20 odd years with no problems. New neighbours at the back of us move in a couple of weeks ago and now Gordon is deceased.

My rabbit is regularly in his run on the back lawn and so is my disabled son. (Not in the run, obviously) So AIBU to have a chat with the local copper??

dylsmimi Wed 24-Aug-16 18:25:53

I think your rabbit knows more than he is letting on!!

acasualobserver Wed 24-Aug-16 18:29:35

Forget the police - they don't care about gnomes. This is war: you need your own gun and you need to stake out the garden. If it happens again, return fire.

KC225 Wed 24-Aug-16 18:29:38

In Rise of the Guardians, the Easter Bunny carried a bow and arrow....... Just saying

Themoleisdead Wed 24-Aug-16 18:29:57

Poor Gordon 😢

Have you found any pellets?

GeneralBobbit Wed 24-Aug-16 18:33:18

You need to interrogate the bunny

Show it Fatal Attraction

fairmac Wed 24-Aug-16 18:33:21

Themoleisdead I couldn't find any pellets. Looked but none found.

Themoleisdead Wed 24-Aug-16 18:36:37

I think there would be pellets if he had been shot. Is it possible his head imploded in the heat (maybe it had a small fracture already)?

mrssmith79 Wed 24-Aug-16 18:36:38

Yes, any pellets? Ball bearings (posted iron benkers but deleted in case no one knew what I was on about grin )? Could be a catapult but if you suspect someone is running about willy nilly with a firearm I'd definitely log it - you might not be the only one.

usual Wed 24-Aug-16 18:37:30

Can you buy him a crash helmet?

Themoleisdead Wed 24-Aug-16 18:38:41

Exploding gnomes seem to be a thing if you look on YouTube

Themoleisdead Wed 24-Aug-16 18:39:55

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KY6umrnT_7A

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Wed 24-Aug-16 18:41:01

RIP Gordon.flowers

Lacystacie Wed 24-Aug-16 18:41:13

Defiantly need to do a stake out an catch the bastard how dare they shoot an innocent gnome !!!!! Any pics op ?

BillSykesDog Wed 24-Aug-16 18:41:30

Get Gordon an automatic weapon.

LucyFuckingPevensie Wed 24-Aug-16 18:41:33

This is gnome joke guys.

That's all I've got at the moment.

<gets coat>

fairmac Wed 24-Aug-16 18:44:17

I suppose it's possible he may have had a small fracture and that's why it exploded a first time. But would it have exploded again??? Gonna have another look around for any other forensic evidence, avoiding rabbit droppings. Would hate to arrive at the local cop shop with 'pellets' that are NOT 'pellets', if you get my drift!!

Themoleisdead Wed 24-Aug-16 18:45:43

www.amazon.co.uk/Angry-Garden-Machine-Decofigure-multicoloured/dp/B00Q8OYG9I

Replace him with one of these

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Wed 24-Aug-16 18:46:17

Is it possible his head imploded in the heat? grin ha ha.

You've made an error in touching the crime scene. The police will need to draw around Gordon's body with white chalk and tape off the area. I possibly watch too much CSI.

It's very sweet that your friend helped you to glue him all back to together again. Do you have another gnome you could surrender as part of a trap. Set him up and keep surveillance?
Joking aside, it sounds like a kid with an air gun so it is a bit of a concern.

fairmac Wed 24-Aug-16 18:47:12

Themoleisdead that gnome is fab!! lol

SweetChickadee Wed 24-Aug-16 18:52:25

I hope Gordon is an ironic garden gnome...? grin

Maybe the new neighbours have missed the irony and think he lowers the tone <sniff>

Sorebigtoes Wed 24-Aug-16 19:32:28

I once found two gnomes in our garden. Thought I'd better report them as stolen property and, to my amazement, the police collected them.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Wed 24-Aug-16 22:00:02

Might it have been the dastardly work of a kung fu squirrel?

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