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AIBU?

To want another baby

75 replies

bellend123 · 24/08/2016 15:31

I have two children ages 2 and 4. When I was pregnant with my youngest I became seriously unwell with severe OCD and was eventually diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, I spent five months in psychiatric hospital when my daughter was really young.
I have recovered from it all now, and now I desperately want another baby. I want to breastfeed a baby again, my breastfeeding experience got cut short with my daughter as I had to start medication. I want to do it all again.
My partner is having none of it and is refusing to have another one. My only hope is that when we have sex we use the pull out method and I'm hoping I become pregnant this way.

OP posts:

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Babyroobs · 24/08/2016 15:34

Whilst I can understand your desire for another baby, I think YABU to go ahead if your dh is not on board. If you became ill again, it would have a massive effect on him and your other dc.

FuzzyOwl · 24/08/2016 15:36

I'm sorry for what you went through but in the nicest possible way, the post is all about you and what you want. Your partner should be an equal consideration. Furthermore, how about your children - how will their lives be impacted by a third child? What happens if you become ill again and it lasts longer? Can you afford the same lifestyle etc.

dogparkingbus4x4wanker · 24/08/2016 15:37

What happens then if breastfeeding doesn't work out for you and that's what you've based wanting another baby on?

CakeByTheOcean · 24/08/2016 15:37

I think getting pregnant on purpose when your partner is obviously scared of you getting ill again is shit. You need a proper conversation and not let your heart rule your head.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/08/2016 15:38

You're not unreasonable in feeling broody and wanting another baby.

I think you'd be selfish to try and get pregnant without your partner being in agreement, your mental health impacts on your whole family if you suffer a similar episode again.

Mishegoss · 24/08/2016 15:40

You're both being irresponsible. Your partner should be taking extra precautions if he doesn't want another baby and your reasons for wanting another are pretty selfish. Wanting to breastfeed isn't a solid reason to have a baby.. what if you have to to back on the same meds so you can't breastfeed? Will you just keep trying? It's not fair on your existing children or potential baby.

bellend123 · 24/08/2016 15:42

I want another baby for more than just breastfeeding, it's just that breastfeeding is something I dream about doing again. I would be able to breastfeed again, it's as simple as putting your child to your nipple and letting them feed. I want to breastfeed to term like I did with my son. I also wanna feel pregnant again.

OP posts:

tinsheddy · 24/08/2016 15:44

Talk to your partner again and tell him how much having another baby means to you.

ImYourMama · 24/08/2016 15:45

I want
I want
I want

That's all I'm reading in your post, not 'what's best for family', 'we've considered this as a family/couple', 'my partner agrees we can try'

This is all about what you want- and sod the potential consequences of your mental health going up shit creek again. How selfish!

NickyEds · 24/08/2016 15:45

He clearly doesn't want to 'do it all again' and frankly no one would blame him as it sounds like it was very hard. Sorry op but you sound as if your illness was very far in the past but it was really only, what 18 months ago? Give it much more time. And tell him to start using proper contraception.

dogparkingbus4x4wanker · 24/08/2016 15:46

I think you are looking though rose tinted spectacles, they aren't baby's or newborns forever.

HoneyBadgers · 24/08/2016 15:48

it's as simple as putting your child to your nipple and letting them feed

No. It's really not. As someone who works directly with breastfeeding mothers (sometimes their 3/4/5th baby!) it does not mean it'll work out just because it has before.

Secondly I think you're being incredible selfish. What if you got poorly again, from the sounds of it it was a hard time for the whole family.

NoFuchsGiven · 24/08/2016 15:49

YABU. I can understand why your dp doesnt want another baby, afterall it will be him who will have to look after a 5 yo , 3yo and a newborn on his own if you become unwell again.

It is not fair to your dp or other dc if you go ahead and get pregnant.

yorkshapudding · 24/08/2016 15:50

I would be able to breastfeed again, it's as simple as putting your child to your nipple and letting them feed

For some women it is that simple but if you were to have a relapse of your illness you will most likely require anti-psychotic medication which would cut breastfeeding short for you again.

Eatthecake · 24/08/2016 15:51

Your whole post is about You, you wanting another baby, you wanting to feel pregnant again, you want to breastfeed a baby again

Tricking your partner in to pregnancy is pretty shit really isn't it?

He may well with good reason be very worried about if you was to get ill again, why does none of you post address his concerns? It's all about you

yorkshapudding · 24/08/2016 15:53

Tricking your partner in to pregnancy is pretty shit really isn't it?

To be fair, she wouldn't exactly be 'tricking' him if she fell pregnant since he's willingly having sex with no contraception. I completely agree with the rest of your post though.

Sparklesilverglitter · 24/08/2016 15:54

I'm sorry but I feel yabu

Your whole posts are able YOU and what you want

With good reason your partner may be very concerned about you getting ill again, have you spoken to him about this like an adult or have you just told him everything you want?

Now would it effect the children you have if you had to go to a psychiatric hospital for months again? How would it effect your partner? It's not only about you

Breastfeeding doesn't always work just because it did with the last child, all babies are different you know.

kate33 · 24/08/2016 15:54

As the daughter of someone who also suffers from schizophrenia I am sorry to say I don't think it's such a good idea. Your children may have to deal with your illness for the rest of your life. In my experience it is incredibly stressful and damaging. It's not your fault and I am happy to hear you are well again but I don't think it would be fair of you to take the chance.

Pinkheart5915 · 24/08/2016 15:58

Yabu

All you've done in your post is say what you want! You want a baby, you want to breastfeed, you want to feel pregnant.

You haven't said anything about concerns your partner might have. Surely you can understand why your partner might be worried about another baby?

What would happen if you end up in a psychiatric hospital again? Won't it effect your other DC not having mummy around? How will effect your partner?

Breast feeding isn't always easy just because you'd done it before ffs!

bellend123 · 24/08/2016 15:59

I'm not being selfish, I think a new baby would be good for all the family.

The only issue is, I'd have to change my medication which has kept me stable over the last six months. I'm on an antidepressant, a mood stabiliser and an antipsychotic.

OP posts:

OneArt · 24/08/2016 16:00

YABU. Even if it wasn't for the complicating factor of your mental illness, it's not right to try to get pregnant if your partner isn't on board.

NoFuchsGiven · 24/08/2016 16:01

I'm not being selfish, I think a new baby would be good for all the family.

I think you are deluded, Sorry op but how can you possibly say you are not being selfish?

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expatinscotland · 24/08/2016 16:02

YABU and selfish. You are on a lot of meds because keeping yourself healthy is vital to the family you already have. Your partner is being a fool for using the withdrawal method. He doesn't want another baby so much he should man up and get hte snip. I hope he does.

pinkdelight · 24/08/2016 16:03

In the nicest way and with full sympathy, your post doesn't sound like it's coming from a healthy place at all. It sounds like you need to deal with your regrets over what happened rather than desperately forging on to have another baby. It sounds like you're clinging to that in the hopes that it'll 'right the wrongs' of last time, but really, that's no reason to have another baby and trying to have one in the way you're fantasising is equally unbalanced. Perhaps this is why your DP is holding back because he wants what's best for you and your existing family. You have two young children and that must be a lot on your plate already. Take some time for yourself and try to get some help to go through your feelings. The breastfeeding issue (which is nothing to beat yourself up about at all) sounds like the tip of the iceberg.

Sparklesilverglitter · 24/08/2016 16:05

I'm not being selfish Well I'm not sure I'd agree

medication has kept you stable for 6 months that's just 6 months, you'd have to change that medication if you got pregnant

its not fair to have a baby when your partner isn't on board with it and I think he has very valid concerns tbh

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