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AIBU?

To not want my friend inviting men to my house

72 replies

dranaksjd · 24/08/2016 10:30

There's a woman who I was friends with as a teenager. We are both 27. She's not a bad person but while I've matured, she has stayed exactly
Like she was at 18.
I arranged to go to an event that goes on for four days this weekend. I arranged to go with my two best friends. My friend then asked if she could go. I said she could come along. She is a single mother and is isolated as she only has me as a friend. She literally has no one else and gets lonely.

The problem is she has explained to me her plans for the weekend and I'm concerned.

She is staying at mine for four nights (she never asked me, just informed me). She explained that if she doesn't stay at mine she can't go as her parents don't let her drink and she lives in a rental property her parents own (this is true).

She is also paying her friend to have her daughter for four nights and her parents don't know.

So I said okay she can stay. She then suggested she brings a guy she met online over for a drink on Saturday night. I said no I don't want anyone I don't know over mine.

She has this guy she met online a few weeks ago, and she regularly meets up with him for sex. She asked if she could have him stay overnight. I said no as she would be sleeping in my Sons bed and I don't know him.

She has brought loads of alcohol and is planning on getting off her face all weekend.

The thing is, my other friends and I are very different people. We rarely drink and if we do it's only getting tipsy. We don't have friends with benefits and only have people in our house we are close friends with. We don't judge her if that's what she wants to do. But I honestly am really worried about having her in my house for four nights. She will be drunk, inviting men online to come to my house, talking loudly on the phone until 3am. It's my idea of hell! If I thought she would respect my house I would not be worried but she isn't like that.

Everyone else says why are you even friends with her. But she has absolutely no one else. And would be so lonely without me. As soon as she thinks she has a boyfriend And starts seeing him I never hear from her until they've broken up so I suppose I owe her nothing but I feel a responsibility to give her company as she is unhappy and men just use her for sex. She is quite a troubled person.
Despite this, I'm thinking of not having her at my house. I have major concerns. Would I be unreasonable to say I can't have her at mine?

I doubt she will behave in a way i consider acceptable in my house. She might respect my
House rules but then again might not.

I also like my own space and the thought of having anyone but my close family at my house for four nights make me feel stressed.

Am I being grumpy?

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314dPiper · 24/08/2016 10:34

Well, I feel a little sorry for her but yanbu

She sounds like she's desperate to have some alone time with this guy.

Unfortunately speaking as a single parent who has been dumped at least twice becauuse (partly anyway) mhhy lack of freedom, if it can't work around your normal life then it won't work.

I think she has to talk to her parents and try and put up a few boundaries. Ie, I pay rent, I'm an adult, not all of my choices will match what you would do in the same circumstances but although I pay rent, I'm not answerable to you.

I think her biggest problem is her parents entitlement to her obedience. Does she have to be grateful for the great deal, so grateful that she has to obey? and they feel entitled to that obedience.