AIBU to ask my next door neighbour's teenage son and his friends not to sit on our shared garden gatepost?

(24 Posts)
zonkmeister Tue 23-Aug-16 19:31:35

Just wanted to gauge whether I am being unduly precious or not about this - my neighbour's son (early twenties) likes to sit outside his front steps on our terraced row and hang out with his mates. I think he likes to feel like our Hackney neighbourhood is a bit like the Bronx or something. They often sit on the pillar which is part of our gateway, even though even when I am trying to get up the steps into my house with two toddlers, shopping etc. Not once have they offered to help me up my steps with my buggy. They have an unkempt and unused enormous back garden that they could use and a front garden that is small but with not much work could fut a couple of chairs. My neighbour isn't very friendly to me although all the kids are lovely and so I assume she must be too. I find it really annoying and disrespectful and the kids find it a bit intimidating as these are big lads. AIBU to ask them to move (I have, twice, but DH thinks its a bit anal of me)... My mother would have had my guts for garters if I had sat on a shared wall for any length of time, but then I'm a suburban grown girl!

Arfarfanarf Tue 23-Aug-16 19:34:14

Give it a coat of that non drying paint :D

sonjadog Tue 23-Aug-16 19:38:15

What happened when you asked them to move the last two times?

PersianCatLady Tue 23-Aug-16 19:56:57

TBH this would piss me off no end.

Where I live there is a little bit of green space that the council insisted that the housing development must have and TBH it would have been better to use the land for car parking spaces.

We have to pay a monthly sum to keep the green space maintained but there are a certain group of kids who have pulled up the plants, set fire to patches of the grass and broken the wooden bollards.

VodkaValiumLattePlease Tue 23-Aug-16 20:05:16

Uhh what exactly are they doing wrong?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Tue 23-Aug-16 20:07:27

nothing vodka

AppleSetsSail Tue 23-Aug-16 20:09:34

Not once have they offered to help me up my steps with my buggy.

Dear me, if my boys are sitting on a stoop (I hope not!) and don't bother to help a woman on the approach with a buggy, I'll know I've failed.

Good luck.

ImperialBlether Tue 23-Aug-16 20:10:18

They're nice kids and they want to sit and chat. What's wrong with saying, "Hey lads, will one of you help me here?" Smile at them - be nice to them. I'm the mum of a boy (man now) who, because he loved his black hoodies, was treated with suspicion by so many people. Teenage boys can be lovely - treat them as though they are until you know they're not.

ExcuseMyEyebrows Tue 23-Aug-16 20:16:42

Next time they're there and you are struggling with kids and buggy, ask them to help you - I'll bet you anything they'll willingly give you a hand and it will create an opportunity for conversation when you see them after that.

Once you get to know them I'm sure you won't mind them hanging about so much, because they're really not doing any harm are they?

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Tue 23-Aug-16 20:21:14

You said the kids are lovely so I don't see the problem really. Tell your kids they're lovely and not to be frightened and say hello when you go past. It will be too cold for them to sit out there soon enough. Let them enjoy some sun and a chat with their friends.

Laska5772 Tue 23-Aug-16 20:24:49

I agree with imperial what harm are they doing? just talk to them , I'm sure you'll find that they are nice lads, and probably even like toddlers even. ..

Boys hwho look different are often unfairly trated with suspicion (or even targeted ,, remember that poor emo/goth boy who was killed for what he was wearing only ..)

My (now adult) son and his mates , ( all huge , hairy, and like re-inactment war games) can often be found in full regalia toting ( foam ended, but v realistic) spears or swords around town on their way to practice and games .. They police are ok with them , and even the bus drivers here because they know they are not a threat

They are all lovely chaps..and would go out of their way to help anyone.. even when they were younger and slunk around in black hoodies and sullen expressions, they were still lovely ...

sixinabed Tue 23-Aug-16 20:29:35

What happened when you asked them to move twice?

I sit on my stoop too, often on the shared wall, but I don't have a garden. In doing that I have got to know loads of people in the community I wouldn't otherwise have done.

Is it strong enough to sit on, where they sit? It is just as much their mums as it is yours so unless they are being actively unpleasant, or actually getting in your way, I would say yabu and chill out - ask for help as pp have said smile

zonkmeister Wed 24-Aug-16 15:35:48

Interesting, thanks for the replies...I have asked them to help before and they have done - mostly it's not my neighbour's son but his mates who sit on the wall, and we have had to have it rebuilt to our cost (not the housing association who do nothing to help any party wall issues. Maybe I should just chill out but it drives me mad that they have an entire back garden(sun trap just like mine) which is never used and they choose to sit on the steps. Free country and all that and they always move when asked but I just wanted to know what people thought.

motherinferior Wed 24-Aug-16 15:43:51

Hanging Around Pointlessly is what teenagers do. You can't blame the poor buggers for doing what comes naturally. Mine are both out, presumably Hanging Around Pointlessly somewhere else.

Ask them to give you a hand but really they are perfectly within their rights to Hang Around Pointlessly where they are.

motherinferior Wed 24-Aug-16 15:46:12

And honestly your little lovelies will be doing the same in time. Perfectly harmlessly.

DelphiBlue Wed 24-Aug-16 15:49:05

You sound pretty miserable. It's not your place to dictate which part of their house they sit in fgs.

zonkmeister Wed 24-Aug-16 16:03:43

Plus I think that being a middle class girl it's really not in my culture to sit out the front and chat - no one else does it on my street only my next door neighbours. So yes, inner snobbery obviously coming to the fore, but probably the sharp end of gentrification too as different class cultures collide.

motherinferior Wed 24-Aug-16 16:18:35

My middle class London kids do it..it's also an urban thing.

DiegeticMuch Wed 24-Aug-16 16:28:41

Definitely an "urban" thing rather than a "class" thing. Wouldn't happen where I grew up (small town, mixed socioeconomically) or where I live now (wealthy suburb).

They'll grow out of it soon. You mentioned that they're 20ish. If they were 13 I'd want to nip it in the bud but tbh for the sake of harmony I would just ignore it for now. Do ask for help with the buggy though - if they're nicE I'm sure they'll be hapoy to assist.

a8mint Wed 24-Aug-16 17:10:14

What! It is just as much the neighbours wall as it is yours- you have no right to tell them to move!

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Wed 24-Aug-16 17:19:23

Ask them for help.

Gesture at your shopping bags and children and say, 'hellooooooo?'

Feeling useful might boost their confidence. Especially if you're lovely to them.

And having some strapping young men in your corner might come in handy.

sixinabed Wed 24-Aug-16 21:28:23

I am middle class and I sit on my steps with a cuppa. Just off to do it nowsmile

zonkmeister Wed 24-Aug-16 22:36:29

Yes it's the neighbours wall a&mint but not all of his mates as well! But I take your point and will try and chill out and handle it differently if it happens again. Think you're right about it being an urban thing motherinferior - although I've lived in shared houses all over London and Manchester and never thought to sit out on a shared gate post in a group even as a fagsmoking student. I just used to go to the pub and nurse the same pint for two hours, which I would consider completely normal behaviour. Still, if my parents, in laws or friends turned up and they were all out there I think they might feel a bit intimidated even though I know they are nice lads.

a8mint Thu 25-Aug-16 01:21:44

If they are intimidated by a certain demographic just for being, then they need to address their own bigotry

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