Hi, I apologise in advance for the long story. Basically, I am an only child of a physically and mentally abusive alcoholic stepfather and a mother who just airbrushes any unpleasantness out of her memory so she can pretend we're a happy family. I do love my parents but we have had more downs than ups and it was a relief to move out of home and get away from them at 18. My Dad can be honest about my childhood but any remorse doesn't go as far as trying to improve his behaviour. Myself and DH had set pretty strong boundaries but the last couple of years they have been quietly eroded by my mother and yes, we have let her. The last weekend they spent here has been awful. My Dad sitting in a separate room, getting drunk and very nasty, ignoring my DH then telling our kids their father was anti-social and weird, that he didn't spend any time with me or our kids (this coming from a man who never did anything with me and won't do anything with his grandchildren without a massive strop, normally because he is hungover). He then started a massive row with me over something stupid the night before they left and they left pretty sharpish the next morning before I could lose my rag. My mother has been particularly poisonous on this trip. When she visits she expects everything to stop because she is there. But we have animals, including ponies and we still have to muck out, feed etc. She was objecting to the time this was taking as she wants nothing to do with them and doesn't like to even sit with a cup of tea while the kids sort them out (they have four ponies between them and I have one, so I expect the kids to sort the ponies out in the holidays as I do it when they have school), so then she starts asking the kids are they sure they even wanted their ponies, that they were not being forced to ride and take care of these animals just to keep me happy (it was me that got them into riding) and that she feels it is very unfair of me to make them work so hard, it's a full time job etc. It is just constant snide attacks and innuedenos and the kids even feel they have to guard what they are saying to avoid rows. DH has had enough and refuses to let them back into the house, saying he is not letting a alcoholic around his kids anymore nor is he having anyone in his house who tries to undermine his relationship with his kids. I agree with him. Then there is the fact that they have nothing nice to say about anyone and being around them is like being drip fed bile. But they can be great. They have always been there when we needed them and I hope they can say the same about us. But I feel exhausted from the fighting and from trying to keep the boundaries with them (not drinking around us or the kids went RIGHT out the window this weekend), they are self-absorbed, spiteful children. But I am their only child and I still love them. I know a conversation with them is pointless as they will simply say the conversations with the kids didn't happen (I have no reason to believe my kids are lying). After 14 years of having Christmas on our own because they start drinking at lunchtime and start fights, my mother has simply assumed they will be spending Christmas with us and THAT triggered another row. I don't want my children to have the same awful memories that I have. I want them to leave us alone and yet.....I have told others to not feel guilty about cutting toxic people from their lives and I can't seem to do it myself. We're supposed to be moving to a location only two hours drive from them and I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of being closer. I am so sorry for the long message. I don't even know what I am trying to say any more. But I have a husband who adores me, a dream job, two great kids and a country life with horses. You would think they would be happy we are so happy, yet when they visit, every thing about us is attacked. I feel so miserable.
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AIBU?
to want to cut my parents out of my life?
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user1471434605 · 23/08/2016 18:32
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