I'm sorry for posting - I was reading another thread that really upset me, but I didn't want to hijack that one - I just really need another perspective on things. I m probably going to ramble a bit, as I'm just trying to get things out, and not sure it'll be in any logical order.
My dh and I have a lot of problems at the moment - we haven't been getting on for a while. There are a couple of arguments we have been having on and off for the majority of our relationship. The biggest one is that he feels I don't give him enough attention - and this mean both general attention and also sex. He has a very high sex drive, and I don't so much. We started going out when I was 14 (am now mid 30's). At this point it was 3 times a day. It reduced as time went on to once a day, and stayed at this for a very long time (he often lamented the purported lack of sex though). We recently had our first dd, and since then it has dropped off dramatically. I try for at least every other day, but often it will go for a few days without due to arguments.
No, I don't want it that often. I don't general want it once a day, and I certainly don't want it 3 times again. Sometimes every other day feels like too much, and I secretly enjoy these times for not having too. I would like to highlight, however, that when we do have sex, he is not all about himself. He always tries to make sure it is pleasurable for me - and I don't help the situation here by pretty much always faking my own enjoyment.
He is also quite a needy person (its a nicer way of saying man child, which I am very aware he is and thought I had accepted I could live with). He likes to be showered with affection, which I have never thought is an unreasonable thing. But its kind of perpetual. He also likes to be fought for - as in he pretends not to want any attention, and I have to fight to give it to him. I don't have a problem fighting for kisses and stuff, but really hate when he does it with sex. His argument is that he is not a cuddly person, and doesn't enjoy that sort of attention so much, but he gives it to me - so its fair that he gets some of what he enjoys in return. I am also getting told that he doesn't enjoy or want sex with me any more at the moment, because I am boring and he has to put all the effort in (this is most probably true). Historically, if we don't have sex, he will get into a grump asking me where is attention was. This happens even if he has told me he was not in the mood at the time - apparently it was my job to put him in the mood. And all of this is basically taken as a sign that I don't care about him or the relationship enough, and am not putting enough effort into it.
The other argument we are having at the moment is about my being a liar. I'm not talking 'I'm having an affair' sort of lies, which I would never do. But I do frequently lie to him about stuff I know he would be upset about. If I don't want to do something, I will make up a reason that is acceptable to him. I also apologise for stuff I don't think I should in order to end an argument. He says he doesn't want me to do this stuff, and wants me to be more honest - but I just can't deal with the fallout from when I do try to do it. He's been picking up on it more recently, probably because I don't have the energy to really commit to it like I used to.
I don't know what I want out of this thread, I just really needed to talk to someone about it all. I guess I want to know that it isn't all my fault, and that I'm not the unreasonable one, and that I'm not being an uncaring bitch by not making the effort that i have done in the past, because everything has been ok when I have. Strangely if there are any men out there who like to tell me I am not being a bitch, I think I would quite like to hear that. There was loads more I wanted to say, but I just can't type anymore.
I will try to respond if I can, and I'm sorry if I sound like a bit of an attention seeker - it might be difficult if my dd is being demanding, or if dh is around.
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30 replies
Littlelarger · 23/08/2016 09:53
OP posts:
Coconutty ·
23/08/2016 10:20
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