not to sponsor cousin

[Ilovetea82]

Phone call from mother
Your cousin is raising money for xx charity (local not widely known and imo a little bit dubious as its fundraising for someone medical treatment) please transfer her £100
Oh and send your uncle a birthday card and present.

Now several years ago I raised over £10k for Macmillan and had zero support from my mothers family, it was for my holiday apparently (I paid the costs associated with the trip myself) I am very much tempted to tell her where to go and that I will make a donation to a mainstream charity instead. AIBU? Also £100 is a lot of money that I can't really afford at the moment and said uncle tends to leave the room if I am there.

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

'Please transfer £100'

'Ha fuck no mum you loon'

[Amelie10]

Yanbu, tell your mother to do one. What a cheek phoning and telling you what to do with your own money. And to send the uncle too. Does she do this to keep up appearances with family.

[Ilovetea82]

Drip feeding - it wasn't even to the charity account but to my cousins personal one 'so she can hand over all the money' erm no it sounds like her drinking fund!

[BarryTheKestrel]

No. Its a full sentence. In this situation you are well within your rights to use it.

[Missgraeme]

Assume she meant £1.00 and transfer.

[Ilovetea82]

No apparently they have been very good to her so I should express my thanks in this way. I'm fed up having to worship them!

[liz70]

If I'm not mistaken a charity cannot benefit one person or family; it must be a fund or something similar. She's taking the p. Don't feel coerced.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

How rude is your mother "I transferred £5, which is five times more than they gave me" is what I would do/say. To be fair your issue is with your mother here, do you even know if your cousin asked her to ask?

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

Crossed posts sorry, fuck off it is then

[MissElizaBennettsBookmark]

YANBU

Make a donation to a charity of your choice

[Ilovetea82]

Cousin more than likely asked as 'ilovetea doesn't like me so I feel uncomfortable asking her myself auntie iloveteamums can you ask her?'

[Eeeek686]

Leaving aside the ethical issues of who you do or don't donate money to, in what world is your mother living to think it is respectful or even acceptable to tell her non-resident Adult (assuming you Are an adult living in your own home?) Daughter how to spend her time and money?!

Does she tell you to make your bed and tidy your room as well?

[zolalola]

No is a complete sentence

[Eeeek686]

Further posts compounding my sentiments..... Does she consider you to be an extension of herself in many other ways?! Bizarre behaviour IMO abs definitely not to be encouraged or pandered to.....

"Thanks for your suggestion Mum, I'll give it some thought and see"

[LunaLoveg00d]

Assuming your fundraising was one of those trek up the Andes or cycling through India I'm not surprised people weren't rushing to donate. They are just a way of people getting a glamorous holiday and feeling all virtuous about it.

Having said that, it's not your mums place to start dictating how much you should give.

[JudyCoolibar]

I'd just give around £5 direct to the charity, and if anyone asks about it say I had given a donation direct. Or else ignore the whole thing altogether and if necessary tell your mother that you give to the charities of your choice not according to orders from cousins.

[Ilovetea82]

There was nothing glamorous at all about the fundraising I did. I was explicit that everything donated would go to the charity and none to fund my 'holiday'

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

. I Transfer £100. I really can't believe the brass neck TBH. Some people don't even get that a week to live on.
Your mum needs to join the real world.
Give what you want or don't give. It's a gift not a tax summons.

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

Snort, no. This would be another thing I would ignore. If prompted again, I would say something like "I'll get around to that soon, I'm sure." And then carry on ignoring it.

[hotdiggedy]

The very fact that she is telling you to donate and how much and then telling you to send someone a present would wind me up right away!

[Cherylene]

Reminds me of my DM telling me to organise my brothers and me to buy DSis (32) a set of matching cutlery for Christmas

I would go with the No camp.

[trafalgargal]

If they are good to her then she can donate.
I'd do absolutely nothing .
If Mum asked I'd tell her I'd donated but to the charity direct (eg if it was fund raising for someone with cancer I'd say I'd donated to Marie Curie) but I wouldn't volunteer the info unless asked.

Blinking cheek.

[tofutti]

YANBU.

How much is your mum donating?

And does your uncle give you birthday cards and presents?

[idontevencare]

Ridiculous.

Tell her you don't support said charity but you will be making an alternative donation in her name. My BIL often does this if the charity tests on animals as it's not something he agrees with so instead donates to a similar charity for the same cause e.g. cancer, who don't test on animals.

[trafalgargal]

I don't really understand these fundraising by walking the Andes etc schemes. Ultimately the money used to travel and stay there plus equipment and guide costs all could be donated to the charity and there are plenty of things you can do in Your own area (wacky as you like to gain attention so lots of donations) to raise just as much money if you are strongly motivated.