Me or her?

(28 Posts)
Jarhead Sun 21-Aug-16 17:04:58

Don't want to post too much detail and out myself (and have NC for the same reason) but who is BU in this situation? Had to cancel attending a social occasion hosted by a friend because of sick DC. Friend has made PA comments about trouble she's gone to etc and it feels like she's trying to make me feel guilty. She has DC herself so I would have thought she would understand that these things happen and genuinely can't be helped, she's also close enough to us that I would have thought concern for DC would outweigh any annoyance at the inconvenience. I know that's how I would feel if the situation was reversed and am a little hurt that she has chosen to try to make me feel bad rather than show some concern for DC. It's no big deal in the grand scheme of things and does seem out of character, I do understand it's annoying when people cancel when you've catered etc but surely she gets that I couldn't have gone with a vomiting child? Am I BU to feel a bit hurt and to think that it was quite rude and U of her to make PA comments when I obviously couldn't help having to cancel?

Optimist1 Sun 21-Aug-16 17:07:15

You were completely right to cancel if your child was vomiting, but it sounds like your friend suspects that you didn't really want to go. If she's wrong then SBU!

HarryElephante Sun 21-Aug-16 17:07:53

Nowt as queer as folk. And unless you know exactly what is driving their behaviour, it is pointless second guessing.

Communicate with your friend, your concetnd. And then you may understand her reaction.

HarryElephante Sun 21-Aug-16 17:08:33

'Concerns' obviously!

Giratina Sun 21-Aug-16 17:12:41

Some people need to realise that the world doesn't revolve around them and sometimes things are unavoidable. Making PA digs is a dick move.

krazipan Sun 21-Aug-16 17:17:46

I had to miss a (group) weekend away earlier in the year due to my DS being unwell. I paid but couldn't go. My friend hasn't spoken to me since.

Jarhead Sun 21-Aug-16 17:18:30

I don't think she has reason to suspect we didn't want to go, we're normally reliable and enthusiastic about socialising with her, never turn down an invite in fact! I have pointed out that it really couldn't be helped but she's not responding to messages now, presumably because she's busy with her guests. I will talk to her tomorrow but suspect she will deny being PA and I will feel like I'm making a fuss about nothing. She was probably stressed and busy getting everything ready but I know I wouldn't have given her a hard time in the same circumstances so I guess that's why I'm upset about it.

mrsfuzzy Sun 21-Aug-16 17:18:41

she has dc, this stuff happens, or may be she never has dc that get sick, have problems, play up or give rise to having to change plans, lucky her if that is the case.

krazipan Sun 21-Aug-16 17:18:59

I had to miss a (group) weekend away earlier in the year due to my DS being unwell. I paid but couldn't go. My friend hasn't spoken to me since. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, it can't be helped!

OliviaStabler Sun 21-Aug-16 17:21:17

Do you think she expected your OH (if you have one) to look after your dc?

Just trying to find a reason she'd be upset.

Perfectlypurple Sun 21-Aug-16 17:22:06

I couldn't go on a hen weekend because I couldn't get time off. That was nearly 2 years ago. We have spoken once since but only because we were both at the same event. She couldn't get that it wasn't my fault I couldn't get time off work. She went mad, I tried texting about it but was ignored.

Friends like that are not friends.

RaggyDoll1 Sun 21-Aug-16 17:22:24

Sorry what does NC mean and what does PA mean?

Jarhead Sun 21-Aug-16 17:24:20

That's awful krazipan! No that's definitely not the case mrsfuzzy, her youngest is 'challenging' to say the least and she has had to cancel meet ups in the past, just not anything I've been hosting yet.

Jarhead Sun 21-Aug-16 17:25:05

NC is name change and PA is passive aggressive Raggy.

Jarhead Sun 21-Aug-16 17:29:17

No Olivia, she knows DH would have had to drive me there (a fair distance so too long a journey for a DC with D&V) so it would have been obvious none of us could make it.

ProseccoBitch Sun 21-Aug-16 17:37:33

OP - was it just you attending? Just wondering if maybe other people were invited too and one of them has cancelled (who had done it before) and the comments were aimed at them rather than you? I have one friend who cancels 50% of the time and always at the last minute.

BeautyQueenFromMars Sun 21-Aug-16 17:37:50

Could her comment be directed at another guest, one who has cancelled last minute with no good reason?

Jarhead Sun 21-Aug-16 18:02:04

No it was specifically me, she said she could have bought less food if she'd known we weren't coming shock

ProseccoBitch Sun 21-Aug-16 18:10:01

Wow. It's her not you.

ProseccoBitch Sun 21-Aug-16 18:10:49

Wow. It's her not you.

ProseccoBitch Sun 21-Aug-16 18:11:47

Really sorry about the double post my phone keeps saying posts haven't worked when they have sad

RaggyDoll1 Sun 21-Aug-16 18:55:50

Sorry your DC was unwell. A good friend should be concerned about your poorly child not her event. YANBU

Jarhead Sun 21-Aug-16 19:23:05

It's fine by me Prosecco just means I'm doubly reassured it's not me! I'm starting to think it might be mind you, have just managed to upset DM as well, because I've chosen to do something (which really only affects me and I never asked her advice or opinion on anyway) my way instead of hers. Am I the only one who has days where it feels like I'm at odds with the world, or maybe the world is at odds with me? Feel like going and hiding in DC's room, she seems to be the only one I'm not upsetting today despite her being so poorly and actually having an excuse to be sensitive confused

Jarhead Sun 21-Aug-16 19:24:23

Thank you Raggy smile

TaterTots Sun 21-Aug-16 19:44:04

Have you let her down before? Obviously you can't help your child being ill, but if this isn't the first time she might be thinking 'what, again?' She'll probably realise she was being unreasonable later.

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