To think XH should pick up DS 12

(14 Posts)
DrySoap Sun 21-Aug-16 13:02:40

Name changed for this as it's pretty identifiying

XH and I have been divorced for 3 years we have two DC, DS 12 and DD 14. We use to have an every other weekend arrangement but XH has recently had some change at work which means he can have them a lot more.

We started an every other week arrangement over the summer and it was going well until now.

We live in London, DCs do sports that mean they have to travel into Zone 1. DD's swimming restarted two weeks ago, she takes the train into London with just a sports bag, twice a week, her session start at 5 and finish at 7pm, XH has either driven down or has taken the tube and picked her up.

DS does ice hockey, 3 times a week, it starts at 7pm and finishes at 9pm, he has to take a load of equipment down, which includes ice skates, padding, a hockey stick etc. He can take himself there in the summer but in the winter I take him and I always pick him up, 9pm regardless of how bright it is outside is too late for a 12 year old in zone 1 alone.

XH had them this week, it was the first week of DS' ice hockey and like he did for DD, the 14 year old, I'd assumed he'd also pick up the 12 year old.

On Monday, DS took the train back from zone 1 and then a bus from the station, to XH's house. The train is a 35 min journey and the bus ride is about 7 mins.

DS called me from the bus, he was exhausted from training and then lugging everything around. I was gobsmacked that XH hadn't picked him up.

I Phoned XH and told him that it wasn't safe, he didn't see the problem at all and when I asked why he would pick up DD who finishes 2 hours earlier & not DS, he replied with "because DD is a girl, anything could happen to her" angry like the 12 year old would be any safer.

As he refused to pick up DS, I had to do it, which XH wasn't happy about.

Thankfully it's my week this week, but next week I'll have the same problem.

AIBU to think that DS should be picked up?

Amelie10 Sun 21-Aug-16 13:06:12

Yanbu, he should treat them both equally.

VimFuego101 Sun 21-Aug-16 13:07:58

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect them to make their own way to activities, but if he does it for one he should do it for the other.

YADNBU at all. 12 is too young to be making thier own way home at that time.

shock at the she is a girl, attitude also.

3littlefrogs Sun 21-Aug-16 13:13:11

My sons were mugged regularly at various times day and night from the age of about 11. I worried far more about them than DD TBH.

It is my understanding that teenage boys are at the highest risk; that has certainly been my experience.

I do think he should pick your DS up - it is just the kind thing to do, apart from any other consideration.

DrySoap Sun 21-Aug-16 13:15:45

Vimfuego, they both make their own way there, it's the coming back that he picks DD up but not DS

FrancisCrawford Sun 21-Aug-16 13:25:51

She is two years older, finishes two hours earlier and has about 10% of the kit to carry around!

Your ex is being a total prat. And a sexist one at that. Boys are just as vulnerable as girls.

bloomburger Sun 21-Aug-16 13:36:37

Young boys are actually more at risk of experiencing violence against them than young boys in this day and age sadly,

You XH is being a complete dick!

BitOutOfPractice Sun 21-Aug-16 13:38:32

Any argument that starts "because she's a girl" is just always going to be wrong isn't it?

MatildaTheCat Sun 21-Aug-16 14:13:12

My sons were also repeatedly mugged as teens. If he won't pick him up he shouldn't be allowed to go which would be sad.

Find some stats and refuse to budge.

Atenco Sun 21-Aug-16 14:24:49

The weight of his equipment alone is a good enough reason to pick him up.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Sun 21-Aug-16 14:26:56

So what if she's a girl?
Hes a boy. And younger.

roasted Sun 21-Aug-16 16:34:31

Does DD look like a 14-year-old, or does she look older..? I agree that the 12-year-old should have been collected due to the sheer weight of equipment, but it's entirely possibly that DD is now of that age where she looks like an attractive young adult but is still emotionally very much a child who is unable to cope with being hit on by leery older men. That being the case, I can understand the father's protectiveness.

DrySoap Sun 21-Aug-16 17:40:54

DD looks around 14/15 I don't anyone would be mistake her for older.

I'm glad to see that I'm not being unreasonable, the equipment is quite heavy, but it's fine to carry if he has the energy but after two hours of being knocked about on ice, it's too hard to drag it all back home alone, but the safety issue is my main concern and I can't believe XH can't see that DS due to the later ending and younger age, is more vulnerable then DD

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