To be annoyed at baby being passed around like a toy....

(161 Posts)
littleladybird14 Sun 21-Aug-16 02:27:48

Went to relatives of my DH this week who we don't see that often. There were lots of other people there who I vaguely know (often at their family gatherings but no relation to us). It was the first time we were bringing our newborn DS to show to DH relative. Once we got there and said our initial hellos my DH offered his relative a hold of our DS. She cooed and held him for a matter of minutes before announcing to the room, 'anyone else want a go?'. He then got passed to three people I vaguely know to say hello to as if he was some sort of toy and without any recognition to either myself or my DS if that would be OK.

AIBU to be annoyed? If i put myself in the other position I wouldn't hold someone's baby unless I knew them fairly well and the parents had directly offered, or if in this case I'd been offered by someone else I'd out of courtesy check with the DP that that would be OK. Felt like my poor DS was passed around like a parcel and I couldn't say anything without offending someone (so I ended up being the one feeling upset!).hmm

a8mint Sun 21-Aug-16 02:34:53

Pfb much!
In a couple of years no one will be interested in him

AnnaMarlowe Sun 21-Aug-16 02:38:03

Of course you can say something!

Just smile and say "back to Mummy now!" And take him back.

I have twins and used to find it very stressful as one particular set of relatives would pick up whichever baby I wasn't feeding for a cuddle and take them out of the room.

It used to send my hormones bonkers. I'd have been fine if I'd could see them.

Of course they weren't doing anything bad to the baby but maternal instincts gone into overdrive by hormones aren't always rational.

The best way to avoid hurting anyone is to smile when you do it. Grandma and Grandad get cuddles - ransoms and 5th cousins can coo from the side lines if you prefer.

littleladybird14 Sun 21-Aug-16 02:38:47

Nope, second born! And I'm genuinely not worried by others holding him where I've offered, just felt like random people 'having a go' of my child....

But true I know, the novelty soon wears off!

AnnaMarlowe Sun 21-Aug-16 02:39:04

a8mint harsh and untrue.

user1471734618 Sun 21-Aug-16 02:42:21

you just have to assert yourself as mummy and take him back.

GirlWithAPearlNecklace Sun 21-Aug-16 02:42:48

It's bloody annoying!
My advice? Babywearing. Buy a wrap. Moby wraps are ideal and can be picked up for not much on ebay. Whenever you go somewhere where this is likely to happen, pop it on and wear your baby. You've got hands free to eat/drink, people can see your little one and even say hello, but can't grab him and pass him around.
Babywearing is awesome, they're happy, content, close to you, you can even feed in it. Best thing I ever did.

littleladybird14 Sun 21-Aug-16 02:44:26

Thanks anna, glad I'm not being totally irrational! Ugh wouldn't like them taking them out of the room, now that would really get me raging!

littleladybird14 Sun 21-Aug-16 02:47:08

Hmm moby wraps, are they the material type carriers - might have a look into that, thanks girl

Know I just need to be more assertive but I do struggle generally as quite a shy person and always more worried about offending others than often my own personal wellbeing!

AnnaMarlowe Sun 21-Aug-16 02:51:28

It was maddening as I was attached to another feeding baby so I could hardly follow them.

I knew it was irrational but I found it genuinely distressing.

I find ladybird that you can say anything you like if you say it calmly, confidently and with a smile. and a steely look in your eye

Upthetree100 Sun 21-Aug-16 03:00:06

Sorry but I completely agree it's not 'harsh and untrue'
Give it half a year and and nobody will be interested any more.

It's not as if it's something that's happening every day yabu to feel annoyed at relatives sharing in your happiness.

Tollygunge Sun 21-Aug-16 03:07:32

Do people really get upset that others want to show love and affection to their children? What could happen/ go wrong if someone in your family holds your baby? I can not imagine feeling like this. In fact I'd be more upset if nobody showed an interest in my baby.

littleladybird14 Sun 21-Aug-16 03:12:12

I don't think the terminology helped, 'having a go' didn't feel like there was much love and affection being shared and more the opportunity to hold a newborn. I don't recall any of those who held him say congratulations, actually they didn't say anything to me for the whole time I was there.....hmm

londonrach Sun 21-Aug-16 03:24:44

Ive my first pfb very newborn vvv recently and when family has come very pleased everyone took a turn holding the latest member of our extended family and meeting her, even the teenagers. Everyone had to sit holding her was my only rule apart from one very experienced member of the family. If she became distressed in any way of course id have taken her back but thought it important she meet everyone, afterall she part and parcel of this family. However op Your baby your rules though! If you dont like it dont let them do it.

littleladybird14 Sun 21-Aug-16 03:31:50

londonrach totally agree, love my family and friends meeting DS and holding him, just annoyed at him being passed to what were essentially strangers. As I emotions there was no comments to us from them as to congratulations, ahh isn't he lovely, nothing. It was just them having a go at holding a newborn with little consideration as to whether we we ok for them to do so or not. Didn't think it was the relative of DH position to be able to offer him around, surely she should of passed him back to us so that we could then offer him to those we chose to let hold (honestly not trying to sound precious here!!)

littleladybird14 Sun 21-Aug-16 03:32:26

*mentioned! Bloody autocorrect!

GirlWithAPearlNecklace Sun 21-Aug-16 03:39:11

Yes Moby wraps are fabric. You wrap it around you in a specific way and pop baby in. They are a godsend with newborns. You get to eat. And pee. And do other stuff besides hold them! wink
I don't think you are being unreasonable. Tiny babies can be tired out being passed around, it's possibly over stimulating and who knows what viruses/bacteria these pepole are carrying. I've got 3, I'm by no means pfb, but I firmly believe that babies need mum first and foremost, and being passed around can wait for a while!

londonrach Sun 21-Aug-16 03:40:58

Forgot to say congrstulations op its magic isnt it although im struggling with lack of sleep....zombie at moment!

43percentburnt Sun 21-Aug-16 05:36:09

I love my moby wrap, Palm and pond mei teis are good too. Practice tying them as it can be tricky initially but after a few goes it's pretty easy and very comfy to wear. The Palm and pond have a little zip pocket, it can hold a small purse/keyif you are out and about.

See if there is a sling library near you - you can test before committing.

43percentburnt Sun 21-Aug-16 05:38:36

Congratulations btw. Am currently snuggling twin 2. They tag team feed from about 3am!

kaitlinktm Sun 21-Aug-16 08:44:27

No babies in our family so if I want to cuddle a baby is has to be a non-related one. If someone passed me a baby at their family gathering I would assume it was OK for me to have a little dote. However from now on I know to just check it's OK with the mother first.

Otherwise it's no baby-cuddling for me sad

thecatsarecrazy Sun 21-Aug-16 14:03:11

I was very happy for my first born to be around different people, made him a very sociable little boy.

Ifiwasabadger Sun 21-Aug-16 14:06:54

I am far from an earth mother but I hated this with DD....YANBU!

And to thoe who suggest if you don't do this you don't have a sociable child...what a load of bollocks!

Becky546 Sun 21-Aug-16 14:14:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether Sun 21-Aug-16 14:16:21

They need their dad, too!

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