To want to distance myself for a while from tired, 25 year old marriage?

(10 Posts)
Seren1649 Sat 20-Aug-16 02:35:31

25 years of marriage. 3 children - one, very sadly, estranged. Money is always tight. I work FT & have a PT job, too. Both are demanding. DH's work is sporadic & he doesn't, frankly, make much effort to get regular and better paid work. He could but he doesn't. He professes (and I think it's genuine) to be worried about how much I do (and he knows that quite recently, I was ill with exhaustion for a couple of months - so much we thought it was worse than that). But that's it - with him earning relatively little & the kids still dependent (uni/graduate), I have to keep going.

But there's no joy. DH knows that I'm sociable, like going places, having new experiences but makes zero effort to take me out, let alone make suggestions. So another Summer - no holiday (money tight & DH doesn't seem to want to bother) - and this weight of responsibility on me. September's soon when I'll be back at both jobs.

I could go on - b all help in the house - kids not at all pulling their weight. DS3 falling down in his studies & DS2 working part-time, unable to contribute to finances & while very much wanting a good job with prospects, is doing very little about it. I love my DC very much. I feel saddened by the fact that they seem to be letting life slip by.

But the question is .. AIBU to want to a) take myself off for a few days soon, armed with good books and b) and more drastically, throwing caution to the wind and looking for work (not working isn't an option) somewhere else for a while. Need to breath again - need to be happy. To come back to DH refreshed & maybe give him the opportunity to think about what he wants in a relationship. He's bright, essentially a very good person and I think he loves me. But there's now no sparkle, no energy - just fatigue and increasing sulleness.

Rumpelstiltskin143 Sat 20-Aug-16 02:38:10

Go for it!

Archduke Sat 20-Aug-16 02:40:28

Jesus OP, don't think twice, pack that bag and leave for a while. You need some time to yourself and your family need to miss you and shape up. It sounds exhausting.

Have some flowers

Seren1649 Sat 20-Aug-16 02:52:07

Thank you, both - grateful for your encouraging words.

Mummychoochoo3 Sat 20-Aug-16 02:59:54

Go, take that break and enjoy it! Come back refreshed and focused. Your family might just realise how much you do also.

IamtheDevilsAvocado Sat 20-Aug-16 03:06:13

Wow it sounds exhausting! And tbh you sound exhausted too flowers

It sounds that's just what you need.... It may also put some fire under your DPs passivity?

PerspicaciaTick Sat 20-Aug-16 03:19:14

It sounds like you are all in one almighty rut...with you staggering along dragging the rest of the family behind you.

Definitely take that break before September, and if you can get a short term contract elsewhere I would be very, very tempted to go for it.

Three adults in the house should be able to manage themselves without you overseeing their every move.

Adarajames Sat 20-Aug-16 03:36:29

How would you feel about a meditation retreat? If it's something that peaks your interest (calm, quiet, no demands on your time/ energy!) check out Taraloka retreat centre, wonderful restful regenerating place that your message made me think of. But whatever you do, take that break and be good to you for once as doesn't sound like anyone else will be! smileflowers

Googlebabe Sat 20-Aug-16 04:12:04

I'd do it. You can't contribute effieciently to the family, if you are burnt out yourself. Heal yourself so that you are strong enough to continue holding your family together (if this is what you want).

Adarajames Sat 20-Aug-16 13:23:34

Oh, meant to say, reason I suggested them was partly because they do a great range of prices depending on your income, as well as being a really lovely relaxing, life affirming place

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