to feel uncomfortable about Ex taking DC to visit his 'witness protection' family?

(23 Posts)
Gabagool Fri 19-Aug-16 22:48:01

I won't stop him as it's ultimately his call and I trust his judgement but boy is it making me feel on edge. For context, he's a great father and were still mostly working really well as a team.

Ex comes from a fairly dysfunctional background but hauled himself out of it via education and moving to a new city. He is NC with his father and only sees his mum occasionally (they're divorced and are NC with each other too). I stopped engaging with all of them years ago as can't abide drama llamas of any description.

The whole set up with his mother (and half sister) is shambolic. No-one works, kids running riot, un-toilet trained and un-neutered dogs toileting inside the house (and being left for very long periods) and getting pregnant. Ex MIL rarely contacts ex except to ask for money despite having no shortage of luxuries. Ex's half sister has two children. His mum does more of the parenting than his half sister (the DC live with his mum). She (Ex half SIL) seems to have spectacularly poor judgement and a warped sense of priorities and has gotten romantically involved with not just one but numerous weapon wielding, drug dealing, psychopathic criminals. Because she likes the trappings and glamour of being a gangsters moll. After a split with one such catch, ex-MIL has been suspected of talking to the police (no idea if true or not) and her house has been attacked more than once. The last attack left it inhabitable (no-one was home, it would likely have resulted in fatalities if they had been). Ex MIL and SIL have now been moved half way across the country by the police. Into hiding. The kids have been separated (they have different dads and have gone to their respective families).

*Brief interlude while I sing 'My Way' by The Sex Pistols and tell you that contrary to what you may be thinking, I do NOT live in a soap opera. This is so far removed from my naice middle class upbringing and life as it's possible to get. I fucking hate my kids being connected to this kind of lifestyle.*

One of my many hmm faces at the minute is because this location has changed four times in the last fortnight.

Ex is meant to take our DC for a visit tomorrow and the location has literally just been changed again. To a location 50 miles away from the one before.

They don't see his mum all that often anyway but when they have it's always been at her old house. I'm beyond dubious about what kind of house they will be visiting or what they could be exposed to.

Am I being precious?

Gin for everyone who made it this far btw.

DearMrDilkington Fri 19-Aug-16 22:52:15

No your not being ott. My dps family exactly the same, we have no contact now. Why do they keep getting moved?

SheHasAWildHeart Fri 19-Aug-16 22:55:23

Are they just visiting for the day?
Will he in his dad's care the entire time and not left alone with anyone?
If they're in witness protection how is ex allowed to know where they are?
Could you go along and maybe stay outside in the car as a compromise?

Gabagool Fri 19-Aug-16 23:00:30

MrDil I've no idea. They seem to be revelling in the drama fairly laid back about it all. No mention of whether it's because these gangsters are hunting them down or not.

SheHas My DC will be with their dad the whole time. He would never leave them with his family. I still feel uneasy though.

Also I have no idea if Witness Protection is a thing here in the UK but that's what his family are saying. That the police are paying for and orchestrating this series of moves? I have no idea, like I said, I'm happily ignorant of such matters.

SendMyLoveToYourNewLUHuvahh Fri 19-Aug-16 23:07:46

I know someone who went into hiding. The police sent her the other side of the world and she wasn't allowed contact with anyone whatsoever to keep her safe.

The idea of going into hiding is that no one tracks you down.

You aren't supposed to have ANY visitors.

Champagneformyrealfriends Fri 19-Aug-16 23:11:54

I though witness protection meant you gave up your old life including none WPS family?

Cocklodger Fri 19-Aug-16 23:13:53

If this is some kind of witness protection programme, which it half sounds like. they are NOT allowed contact with your ex (or your DS) or anyone they knew before, for safety reasons.
if this is true (I'm not doubting you I'm doubting them) and it is a police backed programme then no do NOT let your DS come into contact with these people.
Your ex is putting himself, DS and family at great risk in doing so

Gabagool Fri 19-Aug-16 23:20:05

You're all saying what I already knew.

Why would the police go the effort and expense of moving these people across the country only to allow them to ask people up for visits? confused

Doesn't make sense does it?

The one thing I know for certain is that the attack on Ex-MIL's house happened (saw it on a reputable new site). The rest I'm extremely hmm about as my ex is all to aware of. He feels the same about such people but because they're his family and he's a good person he feels compelled to maintain contact.

If there are any police type MNers around tonight I would love some info as to how witness protection type stuff works over here? Thanks in advance.

PovertyPain Fri 19-Aug-16 23:25:05

If you even suspect that they are in witness protection you should not let your kids near them! If people are after them, do you not think it's possible your ex is being watched? How can you be sure the kids don't get caught up in something. I live in NI and can tell you many many innocents have been injured and worse in revenge attacks. Please don't risk your kids.

trafalgargal Fri 19-Aug-16 23:28:08

Sounds more like a Housing Association/Council transfer to another part of the country after the house was wrecked .....but WP sounds more drama llama.

DietCockBreak Fri 19-Aug-16 23:31:27

Could you contact the police and ask them if your MIL is ok t be visited by your dc or not?

Gabagool Fri 19-Aug-16 23:35:29

Poverty I'm from NI as well and know exactly what you mean sad but really don't think this scenario is comparable based on the people and antics involved.

trafal a council housing transfer would make so much more sense. Who do you mean by 'WP'?

CoolCarrie Fri 19-Aug-16 23:36:03

Can't help with inside police info, but can only say, imho, that if I was in your position, I would not let my dc anywhere near them, and I would sit exh down & strongly suggest to him he has nothing to do with those drama lovers either, for his own sake & your dc. YDNBU.

Hidingtonothing Fri 19-Aug-16 23:36:20

I wouldn't let my DC go in these circumstances OP. I would just tell ex that, if it's real WP, they shouldn't be having contact or telling anyone where they are and, if it's not, they could still be in danger. Either way DS could be at risk of getting caught in the crossfire and he would be irresponsible to put him in that position.

Memoires Fri 19-Aug-16 23:36:52

I know a family who were moved for their own protection, and they use new names and are not incontact with anyone - anyone at all - from their old life. It is so sad for them, they miss their wider family so much, but there's nothing they can do about it.

Landoni112 Fri 19-Aug-16 23:37:27

Can they meet in a public place instead?

PovertyPain Fri 19-Aug-16 23:39:07

Glad, and sad, that you understand, OP. I still wouldn't let your children anywhere near them. They sound vile, and can you trust them with your children, if they have untrained dogs?

SendMyLoveToYourNewLUHuvahh Sat 20-Aug-16 08:17:32

I do wonder whether they have been repeatedly moved because she has been repeatedly giving out her new address to people.

Either that or it is a council housing thing.

It definitely isn't right, that's for sure.

Gabagool Thu 25-Aug-16 21:59:00

So Ex ended up meeting them at a soft play centre. I didn't ask too much but gathered that it went ok. Our DC had fun. He was told that his mother and sister and nieces were going to move to Plymouth.

This evening he told me that they were now looking at a house IN OUR CITY (W Yorks, pretty damn far from fucking Plymouth hmm) and I flipped my fucking lid. How dare they drag their travelling shitshow lives to our doorstep angry.

After a row some strong words Ex told his sister that he doesn't want them to move here. Am still waiting to hear what her reply is.

I'm drinking hard liquor and finally calming down.

I still don't understand how they seem to have complete control over their housing options and locations. Makes no sense to me. But I just want them to go somewhere else. Somewhere far far away.

Like Saturn.

PovertyPain Thu 25-Aug-16 22:04:36

I'm glad the visit went ok, OP. They really are a bunch of pricks, aren't they! Hopefully they're just trying to cause trouble and have to intention of moving there.

CoolCarrie Thu 25-Aug-16 22:57:58

Bloody hell, thats the last dammed thing you need, god knows how they can get to choose where they go, it all sounds a bit odd.

yorkshapudding Thu 25-Aug-16 23:27:43

They are full of shit. People who are relocated for their own protection don't get to pick and choose where they live. Neither are they permitted to retain contact with friends and family from their former lives. My best guess is they are choosing to move around a lot because they owe money and are being chased for it or because they are involved/have been involved in some sort of illegal activity themselves and are trying to stay under the radar.

Rainbowqueeen Fri 26-Aug-16 00:17:03

I think York has it.

And they want to be near you for financial reasons. Your instincts are right - stay away from them

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