To insist on dd being called the right name in nursery even though it's not her name.

(265 Posts)
acrobatty Wed 17-Aug-16 13:19:42

Dd has a name on her birth certificate that is her formal name. Think along the lines of Catherine but we call her Kate for example.

She was announced at birth as "Kate" and has been called this name ever since. Everybody knows this and knows her as this. Her birth certificate is only different to give her extra choices when she's bigger.

A few things have come back from nursery so far with "Catherine" on. I've mentioned it to them and they've said they don't call her that. But today when I turned up to pick her up, one of the girls working there opened the door and shouted "Catherine's mum" at the top of her voice. I just said oh, we don't call her that at home we call her kate. But now I feel like speaking to the manager and asking if it can be made clear what her preferred name is and could they stick to it please.

WIBU to do this? Is it a wanky thing to do? I'm annoyed and I want to stop it now but is that a weird thing to do to request they stick to her preferred name and not on the birth cert?

Don't know if iabu or I just need a wine

snoringdog Wed 17-Aug-16 13:20:58

Yanbu. Do it

8angle Wed 17-Aug-16 13:22:07

I think you probably just need a wine, address it when you hear it like in the example you gave, but i think going to the manager would be a "wanky" thing to do.

OwlinaTree Wed 17-Aug-16 13:22:47

YANBU. Try speaking to the key worker and explaining again. If that doesn't help, then maybe speak to the manager.

RiverTam Wed 17-Aug-16 13:23:51

Her key worker should certainly know what name to call her by.

SheSparkles Wed 17-Aug-16 13:24:14

YANBU any playgroup/nursery/school my children have gone to have asked on the registration for yhe name the child Is known as. In addition to their formal name

ThatsMyStapler Wed 17-Aug-16 13:25:07

What did you register her at the nursery as?

Did you sign her up as Catherine or Kate?

Scribblegirl Wed 17-Aug-16 13:25:35

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking nicely. Lots of forms have a 'known as' section and I don't think it's unusual.

calamityjam Wed 17-Aug-16 13:25:40

My daughter is called Ellie. On her birth cert she is named as Eloise. When she started reception she chose to go officially by Ellie. I told them this and that was that. When she started high school I told them that Ellie was her preferred name. Never been a problem. If there had been, I would have spoken to the class teacher and reiterated her preferred name is Ellie. YANU just speak to them.

acrobatty Wed 17-Aug-16 13:25:56

Her full name is very pretty and long whereas her short version is very old fashioned and a bit marmite hence giving her the option of the long pretty one if she grew tired of it.
It feels like they are calling her what they want to call her as opposed to what we've asked.

PaperdollCartoon Wed 17-Aug-16 13:26:13

YANBU. Tell them what the preferred name is, they should use it. I think speaking to the manager is sensible, s/he can filter it down to everyone else. You don't need to be mad about it, just say 'she's always called Kate, please could everyone call her that, I've mentioned it before but just wanted to be clear'.My DSis is known always by a diminutive of her name, all her school things always had the preferred name on, no one ever called her the full name. It's not uncommon to do this.

acrobatty Wed 17-Aug-16 13:26:57

Stapler yes she was registered as "Katherine" with her name in the preferred name section

PolterGoose Wed 17-Aug-16 13:27:25

Why not just give your child the name you will call them in the first place? A bit late now but I do think it's bizarre to decide to call a child one name in daily life but register a different name.

blinkowl Wed 17-Aug-16 13:28:14

Yes do speak to the manager or whomever you think will act on your request. If it's a decent nursery they'll understand

acrobatty Wed 17-Aug-16 13:28:17

Thank you paper doll. I didn't think it was uncommon that's why I did her name like that in the first place. Just wanted to check I wasn't being super entitled wink

acrobatty Wed 17-Aug-16 13:29:36

Polter I think lots of people go by shortened versions of their names.

ChocolateBudgeCake Wed 17-Aug-16 13:29:46

Just mention what you want her to be called. I've had parents ask me to alter what I call children in my class. The chances are they just don't realise that she's Kate to everyone.

Yorkieheaven Wed 17-Aug-16 13:31:21

No they should call her by the name she or you prefer. They should know her better than this so I would be not best pleased.

Mind you as a cm the kids gave me all sorts of Nick names and I didn't complain to their parents grin

PolterGoose Wed 17-Aug-16 13:33:01

acrobatty, yes, of course loads of people use shortened versions, but they usually happen over time. My ds has a name that's almost always shortened (like Samuel > Sam) but we use the full version as that's his name, if he chooses to go by a short version then that's his choice. If we had wanted to call him the short version that would be on his birth certificate.

ToriaPumpkin Wed 17-Aug-16 13:34:54

YANBU. I've worked in several schools who ask for preferred names and staff are expected to use them. I also have a child with a long name and a shortened version that we use day to day. I'd be bloody annoyed if they insisted on using her full name at nursery/school, not least because it would be confusing for her!

And as for "why not give them the name you want to give them?" (Can't count how many times I've heard that) I go by a shortening of my name, so does DH. DS doesn't even though there are several. I was always intended to be one version of my name but my mum didn't like it as much as my dad so wanted to give me the choice. I now use a totally different one. Had I been lumbered with the one my dad wanted, which I really bloody dislike, I'd have been pissed off I wasn't given the choice.

gillybeanz Wed 17-Aug-16 13:35:11

I think school will go by the name on her birth certificate and anything official as she grows up will use her birth name.
Why on earth didn't you name her your chosen name instead of the longer version.
YABVU to expect everyone to know, even when you tell them.
People who work with your child may remember your preferred name, others won't, you can hardly insist unless you are going to stand over them all day grin

strawberrypenguin Wed 17-Aug-16 13:35:15

YANBU. Just mention it to them again. My DS goes by a short version of his name, nursery weirdly always called him by his short name but wrote his long name on things - not a problem until he started to be able to recognise letters and his short name written down but not his long one yet. I just had a word with his key worker and they started writing his short name instead

purplepaisley Wed 17-Aug-16 13:36:28

Is there another child in nursery with the same short name? They might be trying to use a different variation to distinguish between them.

My friend's nursery asked if they could call her son by his full name (Maximilian) as they already had a child called just Max.

They should go with your preference though, or ask if it's ok to change!

AlbusPercival Wed 17-Aug-16 13:37:30

Polter, I plan to do exactly the same as OP for my DS due in Autumn.

TO use the examples in the OP, my legal name is Kate, and I get asked so frequently if it is "really" Katherine that it drives me crazy. Especially when people doubt me when I say no.

strawberrypenguin Wed 17-Aug-16 13:37:46

Oh and gilly school will go by preferred name.
My DS knows 'both' of his names but identifies as the short. Everyone calls him this with no problem. The only time his long gets used at the moment is when they call us at the GP surgery!

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