To think that sleeping around is perfectly fine?

(380 Posts)
Kikibanana86 Mon 15-Aug-16 20:16:12

Ok so I have had my fair share of one night stands, flings, relationships, oh and a marriage!

I've had quite a "good time" since my separation last year, and my close friends are very supportive and usually eager to hear the gossip!

I don't want a relationship as I have children, my house, career prospects etc and I love being single. I do however have a high sex drive and I do like male attention so I have quite a few friends with benefits and I still do all the tinder/pof stuff too.

An old friend I don't live near anymore made some quite judgemental comments about what I was getting up to and it surprised me, as none of my friends are like that and actually admit to living vicariously thorough me grin

So I was thinking about it, and why do some people think it's wrong to have casual sex with as many people as you like as long as it's consensual, you use protection and you're not cheating on anyone?

I can't think of any reasons why? Where does it come from? Religion? Keeping women in their place?

SoleBizzz Mon 15-Aug-16 20:19:03

For me I get emotionally involed. I want more than just sex. Do you feel you will get hurt emotionally?

Buzzardbird Mon 15-Aug-16 20:19:20

It's double standards.

It's not for me but I cannot see why it is not for you, I suspect they might be a little jealous.

As long as you are safe and they are not married (though that isn't your fault either, it is just a moral issue) then there is no reason why you shouldn't do whatever the hell pleases you.

Scribblegirl Mon 15-Aug-16 20:20:58

Id love to do it but tend to get emotionally attached. So long as you are happy and your partners are happy to keep it casual, then enjoy yourself smile and maybe ditch the judgmental friend.

talksensetome Mon 15-Aug-16 20:22:08

I get it all the time in work and they don't even know the half of what I get up to. They say I need a trip to Ann Summers so I can look after myself.

Do what you like, you are not hurting anyone!

geekella Mon 15-Aug-16 20:22:21

I completely agree with you - protected sex between 2 consensual adults is nobodies business but their own, and certainly nothing to be judgemental about.

I think there is still a bit of misogyny around this - they usually talk of woman who engage in casual sex as using their bodies for attention etc, as if the only reason that women have sex is to please men hmm

When the real reason is - sex is fun and it feels good grin

AnyFucker Mon 15-Aug-16 20:22:53

With those 3 important caveats, I do not see the issue.

Uphegoesdownhegoes Mon 15-Aug-16 20:23:00

As long as you're happy, carry on!

CustardCream1 Mon 15-Aug-16 20:23:08

I hope you don't mind me asking but the blokes you are sleeping with off tinder and pof are these decent blokes, attractive, clean and use protection? Are your kids aware you are having sex with these men?

MsKite Mon 15-Aug-16 20:27:35

Yes it's absolutely fine (usual disclaimers about consenting adults etc)
Enjoy yourself smile

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 15-Aug-16 20:28:20

Well I did in my single days. What was I to do join a nunnery because I wasn't in a relationship. I'm human. I have desires.
In fact dp was supposed to be a ons, but I couldn't get rid of him. grin

YorkieDorkie Mon 15-Aug-16 20:29:00

A man doing this is a "player" and yet a woman is a slut. I don't think the gender divide has shifted hardly at all. Women shouldn't be judged for living this way. It's totally your choice just as it is a man's! It's only sex after all blush.

hidingwithwine Mon 15-Aug-16 20:30:40

Are your kids aware you're having sex with these men?

hmm

What's that got to do with anything?!

I have DC, I don't tell them when I have sex with their father --although the 17 year old might have guessed-/

Kikibanana86 Mon 15-Aug-16 20:32:31

No the kids aren't aware of it at all they're at their dads 3 nights a week which is when all the fun happensgrin

That's part of the reason I don't want a relationship either if I'm honest, I don't want them to have a stepdad or someone else around. Maybe when they're all older or moved out.

Batteriesallgone Mon 15-Aug-16 20:33:01

It could be fear talking.

Fear of rape, fear of catching something, fear of getting entangled with someone who won't let you go. FWB can get weird if you try and break away from them.

The statistics of how many women have been raped are shocking - once you've been raped in a situation where you were a bit vulnerable the fear can make the risk not worth the reward.

If you're happy it doesn't really matter what she thinks. Either cut her loose or do some digging. She might need to talk this out way more than you (or she) realise.

MariposaUno Mon 15-Aug-16 20:33:17

As long as you are happy ,it doesn't matter what other people think.

That being said if you are making it known what you are doing to those around you then you are bound to find someone who wouldn't do that and have there own opinion, but they shouldn't put you down in any way about it.

I did the sleeping around letting off steam after a ltr and it was fun and I'd probably do ons again.

I can't do casual fwb though I can't set the right boundaries for that type of rl.

CustardCream1 Mon 15-Aug-16 20:34:17

My two main concerns are whether your kids are aware you are sleeping with all these men which surely cannot be good for them and secondly you don't know whether these men could be riddled with stds and even with condons these can slip off or you can catch sonething through oral sex. Personally i couldnt do it.

Ginkypig Mon 15-Aug-16 20:34:39

Agree with you all so far.

It's not for me as I'm not single! But if I was and I wanted to why not.

I think it's a combination of old fashioned thinking and possibly a feeling that it cheapens a woman (or man) I dont believe that for a second!

Kikibanana86 Mon 15-Aug-16 20:35:39

I haven't got emotionally attached yet, a couple of the ones I don't see any more I'm still friends with.

The ones I've met have all been attractive, clean etc and none have had a problem with protection but I think there was a a couple who wouldn't have suggested it if I hadn't. I'm actually really enjoying myself, my ex was quite a bit older than me and not the best looking really ( obviously he had other good points- sort of ) so it's nice going for the younger hotties for a change grin

Batteriesallgone Mon 15-Aug-16 20:36:28

It's all very well saying men don't get this attitude but their only risk is STDs. Statistically men attack women, not the other way around. The woman's risks of injury or death are far far higher. Also accidents resulting in pregnancy is primarily a woman's problem (even if you had a friendship with the guy etc it's still your body subjected to it).

I'm not saying fear is either healthy or right but it's a powerful emotion.

Pardonwhat Mon 15-Aug-16 20:38:08

YANBU. Im not in a relationship so I'll sleep with who the fuck I want, when the fuck I want.

WhatWouldHillaryDo Mon 15-Aug-16 20:39:06

People impose their moral framework onto others. Your friend, I am guessing, would judge herself harshly if she did this so applies the same thoughts to you doing it. There is nothing wrong with having sex. As long as all parties are consenting adults, nobody gets hurt (without permission!) and it's not interfering with the rest of your life, crack on! If I were to split with DP, I would so be up for as much fun as possible grin

DerelictMyBalls Mon 15-Aug-16 20:39:50

YANBU. I slept around loads before I settled down. Had some bloody good times! Be careful and enjoy yourself. smile

itsmine Mon 15-Aug-16 20:39:52

'why do some people think it's wrong to have casual sex with as many people as you like as long as it's consensual, you use protection and you're not cheating on anyone? '

I don't think it's 'wrong'. Sex is a obviously an intimate thing, a lot of people tend to associate intimacy with an emotional bond. Obviously not everyone does.

Lots of people have experienced the empty 'used' feeling of one night stands and know now shit they tend to be.

papayasareyum Mon 15-Aug-16 20:40:04

I think the worry (not judgement) when I hear from friends doing this, is the safety angle. If you're having a ons with someone from plenty of fish etc, you just don't know who they are and if they have a propensity for violence. Several women in the news over past year or two have been raped or murdered during or after one night stands.
It's not misogynistic, it's just a fact that men are physically better able to overpower a woman.

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