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AIBU?

Cold sore kisses for new baby?!

44 replies

CoveredInBeeees · 15/08/2016 12:37

We had a party this weekend and some old friends came and stayed over for it. They have two lovely boys of 7 and 9 who love our lg and it was their first time meeting pretty new (4 months old) baby.

When they arrived the party was in full swing but I saw that their youngest had a spot between his nose and his mouth. I thought nothing of it. As we were hosting both my husband and I were busy quite a lot and the baby was happily going to various friends and relatives for a cuddle now and again as the day progressed. I saw the younger boy kissing our baby quite a lot, and thought how sweet it was. Hours later I heard his mum say "careful wth that cold sore when you kiss the baby" but she let him carry on kissing. I had a growing feeling of dread- I know nothing much about cold sores having not had any experience with them but assumed as long as no direct contact it was ok, as the parents seemed so relaxed about it.

Then when they left I looked the virus up and oh my dear god it's so very contagious and so so potentially dangerous for small babies. If either of mine got it I would be utterly gutted. I'm so angry with myself for not questioning it, and so worried that either the baby or the toddler- or more likely both- will have to live with the virus for life thanks to me/ the parents being stupid.

The couple have messaged to apologise after my husband called, asked about the spot and told them how worried we are. I just don't know how to respond as I'm so mad. Aibu to think that the parents should have known what the deal was and been more careful with their boy? Surely it's the parents responsibility to take precautions if their kid is contagious? I feel sick thinking I didn't protect my kids adequately though I've not had much sleep for a few months so perhaps this is an overreaction?

OP posts:

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NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/08/2016 12:39

Its also your responsibility to be aware and take precautions with your child

StealthPolarBear · 15/08/2016 12:40

Not an overreaction no!
And come on, the parents should hAve been super using their child!

DollyBarton · 15/08/2016 12:42

They shouldn't have let him kiss her but your baby will likely be exposed sooner or later. Do you or your DH ever get coldsores? They can be highly contagious even when invisible (as they shed). I understand you are upset and wouldn't have liked it myself but this sort of thing happens a lot, like with older kids kissing a sibling baby. Lots and lots of people are carrying the coldsore virus, probably including yourselves.

ArmySal · 15/08/2016 12:43

Eww...Even if you didn't know the risk, why would you let him continue?!

PotteringAlong · 15/08/2016 12:43

It was as much your responsibility to supervise your child as it was theirs to supervise theirs.

WalrusGumboot · 15/08/2016 12:44

NeedA that's very unfair. If you don't know about cold sores you don't know! The boy's parents shouldn't have let his face anywhere near the baby.

OP I hope nothing comes of it and your children are fine.

Amelie10 · 15/08/2016 12:45

Why are you so mad at them when you saw it happening and did nothing? It is your responsibility especially when you saw it for yourself.

StealthPolarBear · 15/08/2016 12:46

Op presumably didn't recognise it as a cold sore

Thefitfatty · 15/08/2016 12:47

Have you ever had a cold sore before? If so, than you're baby most likely already has the antibodies. Roughly 67% of people have HSV1 (commonly associated with cold sores). Just keep an eye out for any symptoms.

It's also worth noting that people who have HSV1 (again 67% of the population) can shed the virus WITHOUT any obvious signs. So the baby could get it from you or anyone else even if they don't have an obvious cold sore.

liquidrevolution · 15/08/2016 12:50

The parents should have been more careful. Like the OP I have never had any contact with the virus so would have no idea how to recognise a random spot below a childs nose during a busy party .

Until the child with the cold sore is old enough to be more aware and can behave responsibly then the parents have to parent it. They sound like idiots tbh.

OP I would also be worried and fucking livid. I do hope your little one is ok

DeadGood · 15/08/2016 12:51

OP, you are DEFINITELY not being unreasonable. Previous posters who are trying to put the blame on you are WRONG.

It is not up to you to police other people's infectious children. That's their job. If it were my child with a cold sore, it would never be going anywhere near your baby and I would warn you too.

If you've never had a cold sore, how on earth are you supposed to identify it on someone else's child?

I'd be distraught OP, cold sores are awful things, dangerous for babies and - to those saying "oh it'll happen sometime" - it is perfectly possible to reach adulthood without being infected.

Really sorry OP, I wouldn't reply to your friends yet, let it sit for a bit until you know what to say.

CoveredInBeeees · 15/08/2016 12:51

Well the problem was two fold really- I didn't know it was a cold sore (I thought they only appeared on the lip? This was on the skin between nose and kip, quite small, and v much like a spot), and I also had no idea how contagious they are (ie that even close by it can be transmitted).

yes I absolutely blame myself too. Have been in tears about it quite a bit so don't worry about that. But what I'm asking is aibu to have expected that the parents of the child should be clear about what it is and take care their son doesn't land kisses on baby and endanger it?

Thanks so much to the pp who are giving facts about it- I will be world expert on the virus after this and fingers crossed nothing will come of it this time.

OP posts:

Farfromtheusual · 15/08/2016 12:52

I've looked into this as both me and DP are prone to them and baby is due in 2 weeks, and I read the story about the baby girl that died after being kissed by her Mom who developed one after the birth having never had one before. If I remember rightly I think after the first 6 weeks your baby starts to develop their own immune system so will be able to fight the virus, so based on that, I would say your baby should be fine at 4 month old and having had vaccinations. I'd just keep an eye on your baby and make sure you get medical attention asap if you notice any change.

villainousbroodmare · 15/08/2016 12:55

Poor you. I'm sorry that had to happen. I think you should go straight to your GP and explain that your baby had been repeatedly kissed by a child with an active cold sore. There may be some merit in pre-emptively using acyclovir. I don't know.

quasibex · 15/08/2016 12:57

My eldest gets coldsores. She's only 9 but has for a long time understood that it's very important to keep the coldsore germs away from everyone and does a very good job (we shan't go into how she has the virus when DH, DD2 and I do not...that's a thorny story in our house).

The parents were highly out of order allowing their child with a known coldsore have physical contact with a baby.

I hope your little one is OK.

As for anyone saying you're overreacting and that you can catch the virus at any point...the problem (as you've researched) is exposure in small babies can have very nasty side effects (just like a small chest cough for an adult could end up being life threatening whooping cough for a newborn).

It's basic courtesy to give people a heads up if they (or their children) are carrying germs. Anything less is rude and inconsiderate.

Farfromtheusual · 15/08/2016 12:57

Sorry to add - the baby that died was only 10 days old so had no immune system or vaccinations to fend off the virus. Your baby should be fine. Don't want to worry you even more OP.

Also I would absolutely not go anywhere near a baby if I had a cold sore and if I saw anyone going to kiss my baby I would go ape shit!

They can appear pretty much anywhere on the face (I get them on my chin and nose), and sometimes even inside the mouth.

JC23 · 15/08/2016 13:01

YANBU
They should teach their child not to kiss anyone while he has a cold sore.

DeadGood · 15/08/2016 13:03

"
Sorry to add - the baby that died was only 10 days old so had no immune system or vaccinations to fend off the virus. Your baby should be fine. Don't want to worry you even more OP."

Useful posts farfrom.

OP, if you do end up having to deal with cold sores in the future, there is a Boots cold sore machine that is apparently excellent, works with light. I'm not sure if it's suitable for children but could be worth looking into.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/08/2016 13:09

very unfair. If you don't know about cold sores you don't know! The boy's parents shouldn't have let his face anywhere near the baby

Even if you don't know how dangerious they are, you still know they are not great and are contagious.

If she didn't know it was a cold sore most people would know that it's unusual for 7yo's to get the usual type of spots so it would be fairly obvious that it's something that potentially is contagious like impertigo

CoveredInBeeees · 15/08/2016 13:16

Wow I would never ever have considered that, unless the parent had said something.

Having never had a 7 year old I wouldn't automatically know normal spots are impossible. Do you think I should have inspected all the (15 or so) kids' faces/hands at the party for suspicious spots? Serious question. I mean, obviously I will be eagle eyed from now on but I hadn't even heard of impetigo until I started looking up cold sore info.

OP posts:

Amelie10 · 15/08/2016 13:20

Op presumably didn't recognise it as a cold sore

Hours later I heard his mum say "careful wth that cold sore when you kiss the baby" but she let him carry on kissing. I had a growing feeling of dread

But the op did know as the mum announced it.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 15/08/2016 13:24

Of course it was the boy's parents fault for letting him kiss a baby when he has a cold sore. My lot get cold sores and I would never let them near a baby when they have one.
OP I'm sure you little one will be fine at 4 months, I think it is very young/weaker babies that have to be careful.

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CoveredInBeeees · 15/08/2016 13:29

@Amelie,
Yes I meant he kissed lo as the mum was saying it, and she didn't pull him away but said that in a relaxed way. And In passing. Raised my game after I got the dread feeling but I realised after research that the damage may already have been done though. If it were my kid I think I'd be doing more than mentioning in passing after hours of it happening? And yes I do acknowledge I should have been more curious about the spot And avoided all of this.

OP posts:

JigglypuffsCaptor · 15/08/2016 13:30

Both me and DP have got to adhulthood with no cold sores as has my grandparents and parents, it it possible!

I'd be furious with the parents, they should teach their child not to spread it around!

DollyBarton · 15/08/2016 13:47

Jiggly, I've never had a cold sore but my DH has so I'm very sure I 'have' them, just have never had an outbreak.

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