Elderly parents taken advantage of

(14 Posts)
Heidi42 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:19:51

My parents are mum 84 and dad 86, I have just found out they are having new windows in the shed that doubles as a summerhouse on Tuesday , supposedly for 2 grand . This will be 2 large windows and a door I am worried bc I don't believe it is 2 grand and bc I fear they have been taken advantage of by unscrupulous salesmen. This follows on from her going to a make up party and spending 120 pounds on make up she will never use (last week). This is not clinique make up btw . They told me tonight that the workmen were coming on Tuesday this is the first I have heard of it. Quite honestly I don't mind them spending their money what I mind is that this is just a glorified shed and that they have been possibly duped by the salesmen. My dm said they were there hours and my heart sank. I just don't know how to protect them any more. Worse than this is my ds does not know and she is going to be absolutely fuming and cause the most awful row . I am not going to tell her and I have told my parents not to tell her I know. I have looked into the cancellation but it is too late and besides that my df is getting nasty with me over the phone bc I tried to explain they should have a few quotes in and at least had us there to check it out when the ppl came . I do not know where to go from here my dh is telling me to tell my ds but I just feel sick as a dog ....help !

davos Sun 14-Aug-16 20:30:33

Are your parents just elderly? Or is there an issue with them Making up their minds?

It's a really difficult one. I ah s just lost my grandad and we had this a couple of times when he was in the early stages of dementia.

Before that he would spend money on, what we felt was stupid stuff. But it was his money, he could afford it and it was his choice.

It's a difficult line to walk. On one hand it's their money and life on the other you don't want them being ripped off.

Personally unless you think they can't afford it or they lack mental capacity, I wouldn't tell your dsis. Don't get involved.
Why would she go mad?

Heidi42 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:37:59

Thank you for replying Davos . I don't care what they spend their money on, really I don't so long as they are happy and not taken advantage of. The trouble with them is they get carried away when salesmen appear and it's also a bit of feeling clever and the attention they get from them I feel. As for my ds omg that is a huge story but basically she is very mean and has told my dm that it is her inheritance they are spending , I think she was joking but I don't know . I also want to share it with someone else bc I feel so bad but I know the row it will cause and I am just afraid to go there. thanks Davos .... I just feel very deflated tonight the prospect of this being me in a few years is horrible ,

davos Sun 14-Aug-16 20:44:17

Well it's non of your sister business. So feel free to not get involved.

There is a huge difference between your parents making a bad decision and being taken advantage of.

By the sounds of it, they are of sound mind but maybe don't make the most sensible decisions. But, if they are of sound mind, that's totally up to them.

If I were you I would keep out, unless you think they don't have capacity to make this decision.

I simply can't agree with elderly people not getting to decide how to spend their money, simply because they are old. Many older people are perfectly capable of making these decisions for themselves.

Witchend Sun 14-Aug-16 20:48:16

A good door on it's own can be £2k. We didn't get the doors done when we had the windows done because they were that much more expensive.

ghostyslovesheep Sun 14-Aug-16 20:59:00

I had a new door made to fit the entry from the kitchen to the conservatory last year - my friend sorted it so got it for cost and it was £650 - so with a mark up and 2 windows 2k seems about right

Heidi42 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:59:22

Davos you are dead right it is none of our business and I feel relieved to be told that too ...phew. Yes I think they don't make the right decisions but then we can all be guilty of that . As for elderly people spending their money on what they want then yes to that too . Thank you for clearing my head

Heidi42 Sun 14-Aug-16 21:01:43

Thanks Witchend and Ghosty that has helped to reassure me too now to watch the fallout from my ds finding out (pulls up a chair) this is going to be horrendous viewing but I am not telling her she can do one . Thank you all so much

JaceLancs Sun 14-Aug-16 21:48:51

I had exactly the same dilemma recently when my elderly parents got talked into buying a bed for £7000 by a very persuasive salesman
The fall out was not pleasant so I have told them not to involve me or tell me how much they've spent in future
It's not that I worry about them spending what they have - I won't call it an inheritance as they don't own a property - if they die debt free I will be happy
I just hate the feeling that they have been ripped off
Even when they last bought a car the salesman talked them into every extra he could and gave them a very poor trade in on old vehicle

MatildaTheCat Sun 14-Aug-16 21:53:54

Speak to AgeUK and ask for advice. This is so wrong. I would suggest you discuss Lasting Power of Attorney as well. This infuriates me as the elderly are so very vulnerable to these snakes of salesmen.

mrsfuzzy Sun 14-Aug-16 22:02:10

dsis sounds grabby, doesn't sound like a very good taste 'joke'.

Littlepeople12345 Sun 14-Aug-16 22:06:24

That price is way over the bloody top.

Sugarlightly Mon 15-Aug-16 20:15:25

Asking for LPA is a bit of a stretch, all they've done is buy makeup and windows at a fairly reasonable but not cheap prices! Show them some new articles and programmes about elderly people being take advantage of, get them a sign that says "no salesmen" or whatever.

Heidi42 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:18:52

thanks Sugar great advice , my dm has now told my ds after much pleading by me today. Dsis went mad and threatened them to stick their money up their behinds . She phoned me to tell me dsis and I pleaded innocence and she believed me! Phew ....... I think it may run and run

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