To expect washing up done?

[applesvpears]

I have a DD aged 5 months and 3 step children who stay every other weekend (ages 12, 10 and 8)
Although my DD sleeps through I am still pretty tired at the moment to be honest.

With this in mind I said to my OH on Friday that could he please not leave all the kids breakfast stuff for me to wash up and could he do it for me. Or actually they are old enough to wash up themselves really (we are talking a cereal bowl and a spoon each)

So this happened but they have lost my washing up sponge. Seems trivial I know but last night when I went to wash up our dinner things it wasn't there. I kinda said "why can't they just do the washing up and put the sponge back?" Yes I know I should have more than one sponge

This turned into an arguement with OH who was acting like they deserved a gold medal for washing up and that I am unreasonable and have changed since having DD.

When I was a kid I use to wash up after a family Sunday dinner!!! I asked my friend who said the same.

Is it really a big deal for them to be washing up at the ages they are?

[flowery]

"could he do it for me."

Why would he be doing it for you? How is him doing his kids' washing up something he would be doing for you?

[MyBreadIsEggy]

YANBU!!!
It's not exactly child labour to ask a 12, 10 and 8 year old to wash their own cereal bowl when they're done!!
Personally, I would turn this into a washing-up stalemate. Do not wash up anything unless it was yours or a baby bottle or something. Then see how the rest of the household like it when there's no clean cereal bowls etc tomorrow morning because they haven't washed them today.

[limon]

The phrase "could he do it for me" betrays a very bad inbalance in your house. Yanbu.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Yeah, the "could he do it for me" bit jumped out at me too.

It was a meal you weren't even present at. Why would it ever be your responsibility to clean up the dishes?

It was his washing up, as the adult present. If he wants to get the DC to do it, fine. Everyone expecting that you to do it is utterly ridiculous.

How often does he wash up the dinner things? Assuming he ate the dinner.

[Glitterpegs]

Sounds like you have a big OH problem

The washing up and sponge is the least of your worries

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

I know it's a tad veering off the real issue but how on earth do you lose a sponge presumably permanently kept on the sink Like why would anyone remove said sponge from the sink

[ItWentInMyEye]

I agree the kids are old enough to at least chip in. Two of mine are 6 & 8 and both rinse their spoon and bowl and put on the side for me or DP to wash properly later. 6 can't reach the tap yet so wouldn't expect them to wash their things fully. Its good for them to start learning about helping round the house with small jobs!

[ayeokthen]

Yup, "could he do it for me" jumped out at me too. Unless he never eats in the house then he can and should be doing dishes too.

[applesvpears]

Yes I definitely need more sponges.

It turned up. It had been wrapped in a tea towel and put in the tea towel drawer

My OH works very long days so I tend to just do all the house hold stuff without thinking. I am on Mat leave but also did this when I was working.

He never ever ever EVER washes anything up, but actually did this morning. Although I would have preferred he had asked his kids to.

BTW we actually have a dishwasher but it stopped working a few weeks ago and is finally being repaired on Tuesday !!!!

[AStreetcarNamedBob]

That phrase do it for me jumped out at me too. They're his children!!

If he doesn't work weekends then it should all be 50/50 or resentments will set in really quickly.

[MargaretCavendish]

While I agree with everyone else that there are clearly bigger issues about who does what in your household, I actually do think you were a bit off. You asked (quite rightly and fairly) for something to be changed, it was - and then you sniped about how it was done.

[flowery]

Even if you are the one who most often does a particular job, it doesn't mean anyone else who does it is doing it for you.

DH does the bins in our house 9 times out of 10. The 1 in 10 times I do it, I certainly don't think I'm doing it as a favour to him. More like the fact that he does it more often than I do means he's doing me a favour.

[applesvpears]

I said 'his kids' not in a horrid way, just a descriptive way! I was typing whilst busy with other things so didn't really think about the wording (big mistake on MN eh!?)
I always say 'the' kids normally.

I was very tired last night and just wanted to wash up our stuff and yes the missing sponge was an annoyance.

Today though we have purchased a pack of 6 sponges. And kids were told it was a bit silly to wrap a wet sponge up in a tea towel and put it in a drawer.

I know how it looks with domestic stuff but my OH does work so incredibly hard that I feel his weekends should be to relax. If I asked him to do something he would. People might not agree but it suits us.

[missymayhemsmum]

It won't do your stepchildren any harm to be expected to do some reasonable chores, though, it's about them being at home in the house, not visitors to be waited on.

[andthedog]

But washing up cereal bowls isn't difficult for anyone so as the mother of 4 teens i'd say if they do it great if not just enjoy them. Do they play / help with your little one ?

[applesvpears]

The oldest is great with my DD and is such a help. It is the first time this weekend we have asked them to do washing up. Hopefully next time it will work out ok ! (With extra sponges and the knowing that they are not to wrap the sponge in a tea towel)

Because they are only here every two weeks it is always rather hectic, but I agree it would be good to get them to see it as a second home as in they chip in and keep things tidyish etc.