Controlled crying

(79 Posts)
FuckFaceMagee Sun 14-Aug-16 07:10:24

Aibu to wonder how people do it?

I honestly can't listen to a baby cry longer than a few mins, at a push.

FuckFaceMagee Sun 14-Aug-16 07:10:41

Well I posted early...

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Sun 14-Aug-16 07:12:01

Hmmmmmm hmm

Why are you asking?

FuckFaceMagee Sun 14-Aug-16 07:12:24

So how to people do it? Do you zone out, cry too, ignore it?

I tried controlled crying once when DD was 12m and lasted 10 mins, after 1 min I was crying too and went to comfort her. I couldn't deal with it.

HonkHonkNose Sun 14-Aug-16 07:12:59

YANBU. It's so cruel. My dd sleeps through now, no crying involved at all.

FuckFaceMagee Sun 14-Aug-16 07:13:30

Why am I asking? Because I've just found out I'm pregnant with number 2 and DD (3.5) is still a disturbed sleeper. I want my sanity back sometime this decade!

Mishegoss Sun 14-Aug-16 07:17:04

I don't know. I can't understand it.

Mishegoss Sun 14-Aug-16 07:17:38

My daughter hasn't slept longer than 2 hours ever and she's 13 months now. I still can't leave her crying.

yummymummy1920 Sun 14-Aug-16 07:17:39

It worked for me, my DSD will now sleep in her own room all the way through whereas before she would just come and get in our bed.. Being pregnant and having a very fidgety 2.5yo in a small double bed isn't the best for a good nights sleep ..
My DP and I had to shut her in and hold the door shut otherwise she would have just wandered

FuckFaceMagee Sun 14-Aug-16 07:18:26

Honestly couldn't cope. DH did it once when I was at work (I work lates) and found out he'd left her crying for over 30 minutes. When I got home I went in bedroom to sneak a peak at her and smelt sick.

He'd left her crying so much she'd made herself sick.

After I I got her up to bath her and clean up properly (he did a wipe down job) I got her to sleep and I tore a chunk (not literally) out of him when I found he'd done CC. I was fuming and it hurt me to think she was so upset she was sick.

The night after I got my parents to care for her and the following day at work I changed shifts so I was working days.

FuckFaceMagee Sun 14-Aug-16 07:21:04

Also I'm not having a bitch a people, saying you're bad parents or whatever. I'm asking, how do you do it? How do you cope with listening to DC child?

FuckFaceMagee Sun 14-Aug-16 07:21:52

DC cry* not DC child.

waitingforsomething Sun 14-Aug-16 07:24:42

Because some people are functioning on so little sleep that they cannot look after their children properly, they cannot drive safely and their mental health is at great risk.
Because done in the right way, it does NOT involve leaving a child in a room alone for 30 minutes until they are sick. It involves returning at very regular intervals.
Because some children are not getting enough sleep to thrive properly and need help to get better rest.
Because everyone is different and does what is right for THEIR children, THEIR family and THEIR lifestyle.

Poocatcherchampion Sun 14-Aug-16 07:25:04

Zone out.
Watch the clock for 5 mins intently
Talk to dh

There are loafs of parenting things you do you need steel balls for. It is a good skill to have

DoctorDonnaNoble Sun 14-Aug-16 07:25:19

You do it by knowing the difference between their cries. My son angry cries when he gets put down sometimes. He's only allowed to do so for a maximum of 10 minutes. If the cry changes as it has done a couple of times, I go and get him and we play for a bit. For that 10 minutes I have the monitor right next to me and tidy up a bit.

DollyBarton Sun 14-Aug-16 07:25:43

My DC have different cries. I've never left a very distressed one but have left them when they are whinge crying and sometimes angry crying when a little older.

waitingforsomething Sun 14-Aug-16 07:27:17

And if you think parents who try controlled crying (after almost always having tried a number of other techniques first) enjoy listening to their child cry you are very wrong.

Sometimes people can listen to their children cry for a few minutes because they are doing what they can to help their child settle themselves to sleep, hopefully for longer and more restorative stretches.

Amelie10 Sun 14-Aug-16 07:28:12

There is a long thread in chat about this.

orangebird69 Sun 14-Aug-16 07:31:37

Yanbu. Ds is 10mo now and I haven't had more than 3hrs straight sleep since he was born but I couldn't do cc either. I can't leave him to cry for anything. We'll get there in the end. Although I'm a sahm and he is the only dc so maybe being permanently exhausted is a bit 'easier' for me.

wheresthel1ght Sun 14-Aug-16 07:33:38

Because you are not leaving them for hours. It is short intervals and because we know the difference between a "something is wrong" cry and a "I want attention" cry. My dd is 3, been a horrendous sleeper since she was 8 months old. I still use it now because she gets whingey when she is over tired, there is nothing wrong other than she is too tired to be rational and crying is her reaction. She isn't harmed by it, knows we love her and eventually she falls asleep. I sit in the stairs a matter of feet from her room, her bedroom door open and every couple of minutes will tell her I love and it is time to sleep. Eventually it works.

Other nights I put an audio book on her CD player and leave her to settle

Done right it is not cruel/evil/neglectful/bad parenting the problem is the preconception that you let them cry for hours and just ignore them

purplemunkey Sun 14-Aug-16 07:37:23

Controlled crying is only meant to be for a few minutes anyway, certainly to 30. Literally 2 mins, go back in with comfort and reassurance and then out again, repeat til they sleep. As pp has said, you learn to listen to their cries too - you can tell whether this is a process that's helping them learn to settle or whether its just distressing them.

MoonriseKingdom Sun 14-Aug-16 07:37:43

If you want help your OP sounded quite provocative. You might have more success with a less inflammatory sounding post on the sleep board (eg How can I help my 3.5 yr old to sleep through?).

At 3.5 yrs she is not a baby any more. Have you tried other strategies suitable for an older child? How often does she wake and what happens when she wakes? I have seen people recommending a gro clock so children can see whether it is time to get up or not. You could use rewards eg sticker chart for staying in own bed. Apologies if you have tried these things already. Whatever you do be prepared for the arrival of a new baby unsettling things anyway.

FuckFaceMagee Sun 14-Aug-16 07:38:07

Just to reiterate, I'm really not having a go at anyone. It was a honest question. And I don't believe anyone enjoys listening to their DC cry - well if you do you really shouldn't be a parent :-/

purplemunkey Sun 14-Aug-16 07:40:33

Certainly NOT 30 I meant.

FuckFaceMagee Sun 14-Aug-16 07:41:58

Also I'm not too bothered now, used to it really. she has night terrors so I just deal with them as and when, she climbs in bed with me too, kisses and cuddles me then goes back to sleep.

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