Resentment from family holiday

(19 Posts)
Queendowager Sat 13-Aug-16 18:45:17

DH & I have 2 kids each from previous relationships. DD is 13 & DS is 15, he has 2 twin boys, 14 years old and we've been together for 10 years.

We've always done separate holidays with our own DC, mainly because our ideas of a holiday massively differ, he prefers quiet country holidays with lots of nature, whereas I've always like places like Butlins, Waterparks, themeparks etc

Although we have a joint account, we pay for our own holidays out of our individual accounts.

Over the years my career has progressed, which had meant more pay, meaning that I've had more to spend on mine & DCs holiday, whereas DH's career has slightly stagnated over the years which means he doesn't have as much to spend on a holiday.

My holidays are now slightly more extravagant then Butlins, in January when I was looking at tickets/hotels, I asked if he wanted us to pool our money together to go on a holiday with all our DCs, as I knew from the previous summer that he wasn't all that happy about us going away, lots of under the breath mutterings and eye rolls etc.

He said yes on the condition that we do the cottage/in the woods holidays he likes, I said no, that wouldn't be a holiday for DCs and I, we couldn't come to an agreement so I went ahead & booked a holiday for DCs and I.

DCs have been away on a holiday with their father & have been posting on Instagram/Facebook etc

DSTwins have seen all the posts & have been asking DH if they can do something different this year, he's said it's too late as they've already booked the cottage etc and then later on asked me if I could get my DCs to stop posting pictures, I told him I would ask & explain how DSCs felt but that I couldn't force them

DCs have been back for 3 days now, they didn't stop posting pictures, we're going away on Tuesday & DH has been in a sulky mood ever since they've been back, any mention of their holiday with their father or our upcoming holiday has been met with sighs & eye rolls and "are you still talking about it "

I'm getting so fed up with him, he's pushing all my buttons, I'm so close to telling him to grow the fuck up.

monkeywithacowface Sat 13-Aug-16 18:49:52

He's an arse who put his own wants above his dc's. Why should the rest of you have to feel bad and try to make up for his own selfish behaviour? I feel bad for his kids though.

aprilanne Sat 13-Aug-16 18:50:16

sorry but it all sounds a bit strange after 10 years you are still acting as two family,s .surely it should have been your pick this time his next time .and surely as a married couple the holiday money should be equal maybe its me but it does not sound a very blended family .

BolshierAryaStark Sat 13-Aug-16 18:51:49

Yes, this year he needs to grow up & suck it up-you offered & he refused. Maybe next year he'll ask his kids what they'd actually like to do rather than forcing his own choice of holiday on them.

Missgraeme Sat 13-Aug-16 18:54:44

Book the miserable git a shack and u take the kids away on your own next year.

ImperialBlether Sat 13-Aug-16 19:00:50

He sounds incredibly selfish. Just because he wants that kind of holiday, it doesn't mean his children do, too.

Amelie10 Sat 13-Aug-16 19:02:06

Your kids relationship with their father is not his or his DC business. Why should they stop posting pictures on holiday with their own father. Tough his kids feel bad about it.

Queendowager Sat 13-Aug-16 19:12:45

April, our way has always worked for us, we do a lot of things as a blended family and others with our own DC.

I let it go last summer, as I'd never asked or offered if we should change our separate holidays and it was the first time he's ever expressed anything but content for our arrangement. But as I did offer and he was unwilling to compromise, he has no right to comment/sulk on our arrangement. I do feel for DSTs though, they're lovely boys but they'll be off on a holiday with their Mother the last week of August, so it's not just a cottage for them

MadamDeathstare Sat 13-Aug-16 19:12:56

No you children shouldn't have to take down their photos. If his children are getting stroppy about it then he needs to deal with their attitude not have a go at your children. Maybe he could let them have more of a say in where they go on holiday next time as it sounds like they've gone along with his choice for 14 years and would like to try something different.

Would Center Parcs be an option in the future? They have the chalet in the woods thing (sort of) and tons of activities for people who like activities.

SonicSpotlight Sat 13-Aug-16 19:20:31

It sounds like your DSS would be happier on your kind of holiday.

ShebaShimmyShake Sat 13-Aug-16 19:21:22

You're married, together ten years, and don't holiday together with all the kids?

LittleReindeerwithcloggson Sat 13-Aug-16 19:21:28

I was going to suggest centerparks too. Lots of options for long walks, bike rides, nature etc but also civilisation and activities. You could end up with all the kids with you the entire time though!

happypoobum Sat 13-Aug-16 19:28:57

God he sounds pathetic!

Make sure you ask DSS not to post any photos when they are away with their mother, so it doesn't upset your DC smile

Poor sods. I would suggest that next year you take DS, DD, DSS away somewhere fun (like Florida) using joint money, and let DH fuck off to a country cottage on his own.

ImperialBlether Sat 13-Aug-16 19:29:32

I have to say that in the OP's position I would love to holiday just with my own children, just once a year.

4yoniD Sat 13-Aug-16 19:49:11

Next time, make sure you ask in front of the twins - they can get their say in :D

HoggleHoggle Sat 13-Aug-16 19:56:18

I actually think it's lovely you holiday with your dcs separately, it's exactly that sort of thing that is often missing in blended families.

Your dh is behaving badly.

ChicagoDolls Sat 13-Aug-16 19:57:16

There's loads of woodland/cottage type holidays with waterparks, activities nearby or on site

Queendowager Sat 13-Aug-16 19:59:33

Imperial, it's lovely, I love DH and DSTs but it's nice going away with just my 2 DC.

Sheba, it works for us, it's only once a year & we all use to come back filled with stories about our different holidays.

Centerparks is a good idea, after this summer I'm sure he'll be more likely to compromise, it was just in January it was his way or we stick to our arrangement. I don't think he'll do that again.

Queendowager Sat 13-Aug-16 20:06:15

Hoggle, I do agree. I think in blended families, people try too hard to do everything as one unit and forget that it's okay to just take some time to your selves. A pp suggested we alternate every year, but why? It just means that at least once a year some members of the family will be miserable. In November DH takes DD & one DSS fishing in the freezing cold, they're the only 2 that enjoy it, so they're the only 2 that go, it's for a weekend and I've had people be aghast that he was abandoning the other 2, when we were all much happier tucked under our duvets watching rubbish on tv.

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