To daydream about fucking up her 40th?

(102 Posts)
imnotbeingfunnyright Sat 13-Aug-16 17:59:04

Background: very rocky relationship with DH. In 2014, after two years of suspecting his affair and his denials he eventually came clean. Said its over but they're still friends but since me and DH now separated were still living together with our 2 kids I couldn't give a toss... Apart from the times I realise he's taken me for a total mug and I feel pure boiling rage. He is so obviously still seeing her.

I've just looked on her work Facebook page to see that there's a huge party planned for her 40th birthday tonight. Surprise surprise, he's working elsewhere this weekend (he's a shopfitter, often abroad or elsewhere in UK). No doubt there's been a present bought with money that could have gone towards our mortgage arrears.

I have spent the day fantasising about ruining this auspicious occasion. Usually along the lines of my kicking the pub doors I open just as a cake is presented, spitting on it then shoving both their stupid faces in it. If a candle takes someone's eye out, then so be it.

Any other suggestions? I'm enjoying my time here. grin

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sat 13-Aug-16 18:02:43

Send her a barbershop quartet I'm sure you could come up with something that rhymes with cunt grin

imnotbeingfunnyright Sat 13-Aug-16 18:04:42

harmonises

"Happy birthday from immotbeingfunny
He better not have spent her fucking money
On you-oooo-oooooo!

Something like that?

Witchend Sat 13-Aug-16 18:05:06

Off topic, but I read "he's a shoplifter"

allthatnonsense Sat 13-Aug-16 18:05:19

Yes! Get the band or DJ to play Enough is Enough (Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer) as you carry the cake in singing along - she can always join in!

A birthday never to forget.

imnotbeingfunnyright Sat 13-Aug-16 18:06:23

I wish he was a shoplifter!

ivykaty44 Sat 13-Aug-16 18:07:06

The best way to deal with this is to make a fantastic life for yourself....

Concentrate positive energy on having a good life and your mind won't wander to negative people and times, as they just won't register on your radar

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals Sat 13-Aug-16 18:07:49

Alanis morrisette from the Dj, then treat them both to face meets cake experience YANBU!!!!grin,

wobblywonderwoman Sat 13-Aug-16 18:08:23

Strippergram - with clear instructions to sing 'if you're a slapper and you know it clap your hands'

Sorry - maybe that's bad taste

imnotbeingfunnyright Sat 13-Aug-16 18:09:33

OH, I am loving these grin

DerekSprechenZeDick Sat 13-Aug-16 18:09:55

You could jump out of a cake?

imnotbeingfunnyright Sat 13-Aug-16 18:10:52

It would have to be a fucking big cake.

emotionsecho Sat 13-Aug-16 18:11:18

Switch the cake with one covered in laxative icing?

DerekSprechenZeDick Sat 13-Aug-16 18:11:19

A huge fucking cake spiked with laxatives sent to the party??

legotits Sat 13-Aug-16 18:11:49

I was once sent a Wreath with my name on it by a scorned woman.

It was mistaken identity too angry

imnotbeingfunnyright Sat 13-Aug-16 18:12:13

She might not recognise me with sponge and buttercream all over my face - if she even knows what I look like it'll just be from photos. overthinks

Willyorwonte Sat 13-Aug-16 18:12:26

Yanbu to be upset and want to spoil things for her, but it's your husband that cheated on you.

DerekSprechenZeDick Sat 13-Aug-16 18:13:17

Spike him with viagra and laxatives before he leaves?

morningtoncrescent62 Sat 13-Aug-16 18:13:41

YABU. He's the person who's chosen to go to the party and spend money he doesn't have on a present, presumably she hasn't made him - and your mortgage arrears are his responsibility, not hers. I don't think she comes out of this smelling of roses, but he's the one most at fault.

hungryhippo90 Sat 13-Aug-16 18:13:50

I'd go in and write "cunty birthday bitch been having affair with a married man"
Send her a birthday card OP...
Make her feel like shit OP.
&&&& you might see your ex if you go lol.

imnotbeingfunnyright Sat 13-Aug-16 18:14:07

You're right, Willy, she actually seems like a nice person from what I've stalked heard. I'd never act on any of this, just nice to dream. I'm all for free activities OWING TO THE MORTGAGE ARREARS

CalleighDoodle Sat 13-Aug-16 18:16:09

Can you more simply phone him and say you need him to come home and have the children as there's an unrgent situation....

theres a glass of wine at the pub with your name on it

RuggerHug Sat 13-Aug-16 18:16:51

Derek has the right idea methinks...

Jizzomelette Sat 13-Aug-16 18:17:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRollingCrone Sat 13-Aug-16 18:17:58

Or have the DJ play kelsi "I hate you so much right now" as you upend the buffet table

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