AIBU telling off friends child.

(23 Posts)
Muddlingthroughtoo Sat 13-Aug-16 15:56:09

Ok, more of a WIBU.
Went on a play date with my friend and her 6 year old child. He's very spoiled by his mum and never shares his toys (he tells her to hide them and she does). He proceeded to be spiteful and mean to my 4 year old, calling him names, not letting him watch what he was doing. I let a lot of this go over my head as I thought she would eventually tell him off. Wrong.
One particularly mean incident I did give him a row and he ran over to her, hid his head and bawled and bawled. It took her 20 minutes to calm him down, didn't even make him say sorry. TBH I wouldn't care if you thought I WBU, I'd do it again. Oh, and apparently everything I said was (according to him, I could hear him shouting)...lies mummy, lies, everything SHE said is lies. I don't think I want to be in their company for a VERY long time.

deathandtaxes123 Sat 13-Aug-16 15:57:38

No I don't think you were wrong.

He sounds like a horror

excessiveparanoidNNchanger Sat 13-Aug-16 15:59:09

YADNBU id have bollocked the little fucker as well angry
I'm angry on your behalf. The mother just stood by watching her kid be a spiteful little bully and did nothing, and when it grows up to be a yob will claim she has 'no idea why'

JeSuisLeLoup Sat 13-Aug-16 16:01:19

Yanbu. Kids need to learn to respect all adults

bittapitta Sat 13-Aug-16 16:02:10

Is she really your friend? why do these "play dates"? Yanbu - but just don't put your child in these situations.

DonkeyHotay Sat 13-Aug-16 16:05:58

I let my DH put his favourite toys away, all things left out are fair game.

What did you 'give him a row for'.

usual Sat 13-Aug-16 16:07:43

Not all adults are worthy of respect.

I don't think giving a 6 year old a row was the right approach, but it's done now. Just don't socialise with them again.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sat 13-Aug-16 16:10:24

I don't buy into the whole kids having to share all their belongings thing.

I don't know what you gave him a row for so can't comment on whether you were right or not but I would just stop the play dates, it's obviously not working.

Mozartinmyfanjo Sat 13-Aug-16 16:11:45

YANBU at all. Similar thing happened to me recently DN, who is also 6, was absolutely horrid to DS, almost 4. Snatching toys away, not sharing, shouting, singing loud in his face, once she realised it annoys him. I told her off and she immediately run to DB to tell him about the wicked witch aunt.

Really boils my blood as DB is completely oblivious to her behaviour and SIL will give her a smack on the bottom rather than teach her how to behave.

I always dread visiting now and don't want DS to learn this sort of behaviour is acceptable.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 13-Aug-16 16:13:05

It's not the child's fault, is it. If his mother doesn't teach him right from wrong. She ades his behaviour so of course he's going to think it's okay
. YWNBU to chastise him, because his mother clearly had no intentions of doing so. Has she got some sort of allergy to discipline
Okay he doesn't like sharing his toys. Well the argument there could be. They're his property. I don't suppose Id want someone coming into my home and sharing my make up.

Muddlingthroughtoo Sat 13-Aug-16 16:13:12

I knew he wasn't very nice, but it has been a while since we got together with the kids for any period of time. It's normally in a group (party) setting where there are so many you don't really notice. We've been friends for years but her parenting totally differs to mine. She works full time and the dad is away with work so often it's like she's a single mum. I think she has overcompensated the lack of interest from the dad (they are together) with spooling the boy. She once bollocked his teacher for they way she was teaching....!
I definitely won't be arranging any more play dates, its lucky really that apart from the summer hols, shes quite busy.

Jizzomelette Sat 13-Aug-16 16:14:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Muddlingthroughtoo Sat 13-Aug-16 16:16:56

I give him a row because he kept saying he'd let my son drive past on a scooter, then every time he tried, the boy would push him off. My son had already come back in tears several times by this point so is kept an eye.
I think his mum has gone deaf to everything but his crying.
I agree to not sharing favorite toys, but not sharing ANY toys yet snatching others is quite bugging.

toadgirl Sat 13-Aug-16 16:19:38

No more playdates with this boy, I'd say.

Sadly, unless his mother gets a handle on this child, he's in for a very lonely future.

People can't be forced to play with him if they don't enjoy his company.

Gottagetmoving Sat 13-Aug-16 16:19:48

YANBU.
I would tell a child to stop being horrible to another child in that situation if the parent didn't.
I wouldn't care whether they thought it was unreasonable or not.

Muddlingthroughtoo Sat 13-Aug-16 16:21:04

Some of our other mutual friends have noticed too, he really is that bad. Unfortunately for him one parent ignores him and the other overcomposites, which has turned him into a spoiled selfish mean boy. I know I should feel sorry for him but when it's my son who's so upset as he only wants to be his friend, I find it hard to tap into my compassionate side. No more play dates I swear, that's never happening again.

Muddlingthroughtoo Sat 13-Aug-16 16:21:48

*compensates confused

If the other parent admitted they were not coping and dealing with things by ignoring them for some temporary peace and quiet I could probably be friends and try to give some help and advice. Whereas if, the parent is oblivious or doesn't see the child's behaviour as needing correcting then I would withdraw from the relationship.

Muddlingthroughtoo Sat 13-Aug-16 16:31:11

She said before that she takes him out a lot during holidays as she can't stand it when it's just the two of them in the house because he nags her. He cries over everything, he didn't get the first sandwich or the others wanted to go on the swings before him. He takes ages to be coaxed round.

user1471098628 Sat 13-Aug-16 16:47:13

Leave her to it. She'll be on parenting sites soon wondering why little Damien was the only one not invited to the party. She's blinded by love, you can't get through to people like that.

Purplebluebird Sat 13-Aug-16 16:53:28

I don't think you were unreasonable. However you expected him to say sorry - but he clearly wasn't sorry. I think that if you force someone to say "sorry" when they don't actually feel it, teaches them to lie to get out of trouble. It's as if "sorry" is a "get out of jail" card... But he clearly needs some boundaries!

Missgraeme Sat 13-Aug-16 17:08:42

Boarding school - sort him right out.
Pick him up at 18.
Maybe suggest it to her??
She prob be grateful!

Gottagetmoving Sat 13-Aug-16 17:29:38

.*He takes ages to be coaxed round*

He needs firm boundaries not coaxing.

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