To be so angry with my brother

[iluvshoes]

For seeing a married women who can't decide whether to leave her husband!!! Massive row with him last night and I've told him he can't stay at mine anymore. His wife is going through hell at the mo as her mum died a few weeks ago. I was so angry with him and yet now I feel bad for telling him to leave!! Am I a horrid cow ?

[Archduke]

Eh?

So he's married and having an affair with a married woman?

Sounds like a peach.

[iluvshoes]

Hmmm peach probably not the word I used earlier.

[January2015]

No you're not - I couldn't condone his actions either.

[ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam]

I wouldn't tell him to leave if it was my brother but I'd certainly let him know what I thought about the situation.

[WellErrr]

Not U at all, I wouldn't be able to look at him.

[ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe]

Hang on, you're seeing a married woman whose husband has an affair and you won't let him stay at your place?

[ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe]

Oh ok, it makes sense now.

YANBU to think he's a twat, if that's what you're thinking.

[iluvshoes]

Yep a massive twat. I was trying to help him but if that's what he wants he can crack on

[Hockeydude]

Yanbu
What a shit bag.
Hopefully you have given him a wake up call.
Combining cheating and the death of his wife's mother is so despicable. If I was the wife, I would be having a breakdown Poor woman

[iluvshoes]

His wife is near to breaking with the loss of her mum. Just so sad..

[e1y1]

Is he still with his wife? (just that you mentioned him staying at yours).

Only asking as in my eyes that would make a difference. If he is separated, then he can see who he likes (the other woman being married is her problem NOT his).

However, if he is still in a relationship with his wife, then yes he is being a massive twunt.

YANBU and not horrid, I personally could never kick out a family member, but I would make it clear that they were out of order.

[brummiesue]

Hes your brother so whatever your opinion of the situation surely your loyalities lie with him? Not kicking him out??

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

I wouldn't kick him out.

When did he leave his wife?

If the other woman doesn't know if she wants to leave her DH or not your brother needs to back the fuck off, for her sake and his.

[Motherfuckers]

Your brother is a cunt.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I'm assuming he left because of the affair. Is that correct? He's an adult. I don't know. I'm tempted to say your house, your rules. And I don't agree that your loyalties should necessarily lie with him. Does his wife have a support network?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

And surely he should be there to support his wife - even if they're not under the same roof (if she will entertain his support). This affair could be put on hold, couldn't it? That way everyone would take a breather and gain some perspective.

[blushrush]

Sorry brummiesue but IMO just because someone is related to you, that doesn't mean they can behave any way they like and you just have to go along with it. Would it be the same if it was your child behaving in this way?

No OP, you're not being unreasonable. He's a grown man who has chosen to go down this path. You're doing the right thing by showing you don't condone or agree with his behaviour.

[OnionKnight]

He's an adult so he can fuck his life up if he chooses to, let him get on with it.

[BastardGoDarkly]

Are him and his wife separated op?

[brummiesue]

Yes blushrush I would be even more supportive if it was my son as they are my priority. Obviously their behaviour is wrong and I would tell them that but I will always support my family

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

I'm confused about why you begin your OP seeing you're angry with your brother for seeing a married woman.

Your brother is cheating on his wife, isn't he? They are still married? The marital status of a woman you don't even know (the mistress) should surely be of secondary consideration to the bit about your brother cheating on the wife you do know (surely?)

[diddl]

YANBU.

If he doesn't want to live with his wife, you don't have to house him!

Has his wife got some support for what she's going through?

[blushrush]

Burmmiesue - your first post didn't mention being supportive, but loyalty instead. You can be supportive without mindlessly agreeing with someone. I have a friend who does extra marital things, and I have told her from the start that I don't agree or support her decision. We can still be friends but this is something I will not aid or assist her with in any way.

There is a difference

[OiWithThePoodlesAlready]

No, you're not a cow. What a dick. I'd struggle to look at him too tbh.

The argument that you should side with him because he is your brother is nonsense.

[iluvshoes]

Sorry late reply been at work. So they sort of separated last weekend hence I asked him to stay. I think this other woman has been in the background for ages. I just feel that his wife has no support and that's sad. Probably not helpedby the fact that my ex husband cheated on me so I'm not the best person to deal with stuff like this anyway.