To ask DH to take a day off to look after our children?

(23 Posts)
BowsandArrows Thu 11-Aug-16 18:16:33

I am a SAHM with DD1 (4) and DS (1), and currently pregnant with DC3. It is summer holidays, so no nursery or any of our usual groups on. I feel sick from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed (at the same time as the children). Tiredness it also pretty horrendous. Both children have had chickenpox in the last few weeks (on different weeks, so effectively had two weeks of being forced to stay in).

Any way, WIBU to ask DH to take a day off work (or just do a day at the weekend) to look after the children without me? I just want to lie down and not do anything. Or am I being a bit selfish? We don't have family nearby who could help out.

cannotlogin Thu 11-Aug-16 18:19:13

No, not unreasonable. Does he have plenty of annual leave? I would be wary of using it all up in case you really need him to stay home if you're really ill or when baby arrives, but other than that, not unreasonable to ask for some support.,

SpaceDinosaur Thu 11-Aug-16 18:21:30

Does your DH take the children at the weekends? YANBU for desperately needing a rest at all. Can you plan for him to have the children at weekends

BowsandArrows Thu 11-Aug-16 18:21:36

Thanks cannot - good point about leave. Maybe, a weekend day would be better, as no need to take leave.

MiddleClassProblem Thu 11-Aug-16 18:22:59

Nope, you need a rest. My DH does this for me once a month so I can just relax and I only have one! Although I have lo local friends so rarely get adult social time

yorkshapudding Thu 11-Aug-16 18:23:01

Given the circumstances you describe, I would have thought he'd offer to "just do a day at the weekend" anyway. It's not babysitting or doing you a favour, they're his kids too.

Taking a day off work is different though. It depends how flexible his work is, whether he would be letting others down or if taking time off at short notice is likely to cause him problems with management. It also depends on his annual leave entitlement.

MiddleClassProblem Thu 11-Aug-16 18:23:46

I meant mine as a weekend day rather than day off work

BowsandArrows Thu 11-Aug-16 18:24:42

space we normally do things as a family at the weekend, but I have the children on my own if he goes away (a few times a year) and vice versa if I do (once in what feels like forever!) Our kids are quite full on, so I know it is hard work when it is just one of us. I just need a good lie down with no interruptions. smile

BowsandArrows Thu 11-Aug-16 18:27:14

Thank you all - I will definitely ask him to do a weekend day. I feel like I have been trapped in a little chickenpox/nausea/tiredness bubble and needed some advice from outside.

MoreGilmoreGirls Thu 11-Aug-16 18:27:37

Of course he should be taking the kids at the weekend. You need some rest, has he not offered to do this?

juneau Thu 11-Aug-16 18:28:11

But will you get 'a good lie down with no interruptions' if they're all downstairs? I know I wouldn't, not with two such young DC in the house. There's no reasoning at all with a one-year-old, and not much with a four-year-old IME. Are you parents nearby and could you go and spend a day/night with them?

Lilaclily Thu 11-Aug-16 18:29:37

Would he take them swimming and then for lunch one weekend day just to give you a break?

MiddleClassProblem Thu 11-Aug-16 18:29:40

Or could you go to a spa which does pregnancy massage? If finances allow?

rollmeover Thu 11-Aug-16 18:30:27

Yes get him to take them out for the day. I'm a SAHM and even when my kids were preschool I would get my DH to take a few days off over the summer as the holidays are loooong. So if he has enough leave I would get him to do both!

HumphreyCobblers Thu 11-Aug-16 18:30:35

Why not both days? You are growing another human ffs, get some rest! You will feel so much better after a couple of days of rest.

My DH took on all childcare duties when at home with my older two when I was in early pg with DS2. It is a normal thing for people to do.

Missgraeme Thu 11-Aug-16 18:30:52

U need to make him take the kids out so u can have some peace. My ex used to make a big thing out of letting me have a lie in on a sat - then send the 3 kids upstairs to play in their bedrooms!! Next door to our room!!

BowsandArrows Thu 11-Aug-16 18:32:26

juneau I was thinking of a day out rather than them staying in the house - chickenpox is all over now, so no need to stay in. Parents are a couple of hours away, so not impossible to do a day/night trip...in fact, this sounds like a great plan. Thanks!

MoreGilmore no he hadn't offered yet, but don't think he will refuse if I ask. He needs a gentle push sometimes.

happypoobum Thu 11-Aug-16 18:33:50

Do you have a friend/relative with a bed you could borrow for the day/weekend?

I agree with PP, if you stay home he will start huffing and puffing and the DC will want to see you, you wouldn't get much of a rest IMO.

BowsandArrows Thu 11-Aug-16 18:35:51

Ooh, but a spa even better! Thank you everyone.

VoyageOfDad Thu 11-Aug-16 18:37:33

I'm not even with the mother of my dd and I still take days off if dd is poorly. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

stopgap Thu 11-Aug-16 18:40:52

I'm a SAHM, too, and it's not possible for my DH to take time off during the week, but he regularly takes both our sons (2 and 4) out at the weekend by himself when my chronic health condition flares up. I think it's the least your husband could do given your current state.

MoreGilmoreGirls Thu 11-Aug-16 19:44:00

I'm a bit confused at all these "DHs" that need a push to take parental responsibility for their own kids.

Pearlman Thu 11-Aug-16 19:50:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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