To have a baby during uni

(22 Posts)
kawla Wed 10-Aug-16 15:31:26

So basically I am studying at university and have one 13 month old. He was born 6 weeks before I started uni and despite that I have managed to pass my first year with a first which I am proud of grin
Anyhow, Law is a difficult subject and I know that when I graduate I then have to do a LPC and hopefully get a training contract.
I've read a few threads here about working in the legal sector and a lit have mentioned its not family friendly. I really want to have a good career but at the same time I want to have another baby and from experience of others and their advice, what would be best or what would you do in my situation?
Have another baby now or wait 4 years to finish studying and two years training so DS would be 7 at the time which is rather old.

Please advise smile

flowers

IWillTalkToYouLater Wed 10-Aug-16 15:35:11

I have no practical advice, but just wanted to say congratulations on your first first! Making that happen with a tiny baby - thems the kind of skills I don't got, so you have my admiration flowers

Pinkheart5915 Wed 10-Aug-16 15:36:18

My DH works in law and we've not found it not family friendly. We have a ds ( 11 months) & DD (9 days old) so far so good!

I am guessing your fairly young with being at uni? So I'd wait 4 years personally. Your ds being 7 by then isn't rather old, me and my brothers are 10 years and 5 years apart

Lilaclily Wed 10-Aug-16 15:37:37

Well firstly I don't think aibu is the right topic for this

Secondly I think as you already have a baby you may as well crack on and have another and carry on studying part time if possible

If you hadn't already had a baby I'd have suggested waiting until your career is established tbh

Oliversmumsarmy Wed 10-Aug-16 15:38:56

Given you already have a family what will the difference be to have another child.

Eatthecake Wed 10-Aug-16 15:39:39

I work in law and I wouldn't say it's not family friendly, I've managed with 4dc.
I would personally wait 4 years to try for another baby

Well done on your first btw 💐

LauraAshleyDuvetCover Wed 10-Aug-16 15:44:29

Will you self-fund your LPC? Or hopefully get a TC with a firm that will pay for it?

Typically you'd apply for a TC in your penultimate year I think (?), so could you aim to have a baby the late summer/autumn after your third year and apply for a 2020 (rather than 2019) TC?

laulea82 Wed 10-Aug-16 15:45:13

Hello
I'm a solicitor and have a 2yo and a 6m old. I am 33. I agree it isn't the most family friendly career path. However having worked at a few different forms since i did my training contract in 2007 there are better and worse ones and things are improving. The firm I work for now are fab and I am going back from mat leave soon to four days a week!
I personably could not have managed with children at uni! So well done you.
It's up to you and your partner what you decide to do from here. How old are you?
What does your partner do for a living? If you have support from your partner and like being very busy and juggling things then crack on if that's what you want.
Finals in my third year plus long hours of a training contract was a hard slog.
Good luck.

Primaryteach87 Wed 10-Aug-16 15:47:45

My DH is in law. I'd have another baby know, perhaps take a little longer to get your undergraduate degree then go for LPC once youngest is in school. Even then it will be very full on. I think it depends whether you have a supportive partner whol will do 50:50 or more and whether you mind not seeing your kids before they go to bed most week nights, as that's very much the reality. Not impossible but much easier if you have a DP willing to be in the 'main parent' role.

Primaryteach87 Wed 10-Aug-16 15:48:00

^now not know!

kawla Wed 10-Aug-16 15:58:14

Btw I am 22 and husband is amazing but I still want to be the main parent. I study in a RG university and they have been very supportive. At the moment, lectures/ seminars are roughly 10 hours a week and financially we are in a good place. What worries me not my studies because I am doing well even though was breastfeeding and getting the bus between lectures to go to DS nursery to breast feed him. I just worry about not being a good fun mum. My priority will always be my children and I want to be my best for them but I still want to have a good career and become a solicitor.

Primaryteach87 Wed 10-Aug-16 17:17:51

I should also say that working in the city during a training contract or for one of the' big names' long hours cultures are totally the norm but for family firms and high street solicitors you may well find a much better work life balance. So don't be afraid to make choices which balance what you want in life. Also, I think you'll find it easier to have a new baby during your undergrad degree than either during your training contract or during the early years of your career.

Good luck and well done!!

happyfeet1 Wed 10-Aug-16 18:04:49

I'm a trainee solicitor, i'm 29 with 3 dd's.
I had my eldest (10) during my A levels, took a year out then started uni.
I had my 2nd (6) in the Christmas break of my final year then went back when she was 3 weeks old, I don't know how I did it I was massively stressed, had a lot of help from my parents as I was a single parent, I was running on adrenaline! I never missed a lecture or seminar, my daughter came at a convenient time during the holidays!
I graduated with a 2:1. I'm glad I didn't take a year out (uni were pressurising me to!) but not sure I'd recommend doing it this way to anyone else unless they had a lot of help. I was lucky that my newborn was a good sleeper. I would put the baby to bed around 7, then my 3 year old to bed, then do coursework/revision until about 2am, then feed the baby and sleep until 7 when I'd be up for uni confused
I managed to get some work experience at a newly set up high street firm as I graduated, my youngest was 6 months old at this point, and after being there for 8 weeks I was offered a job. I worked part time for 3 years then went full time in 2013 and started my training contract in January 2014 when I was pregnant with my 3rd! I've gone back part time and so my training contract is taking a while to complete (I qualify next year) but I don't care how long it takes, I realise I am very lucky to have been able to have 3 kids and qualify, my situation with flexible working and lots of family help is not the norm.
Anyway...it's a lot of work, if you are determined and have a good support network then go for it!

lucyandpoppy123 Wed 10-Aug-16 18:51:24

Hi! I'm logging back on for the first time in over a year to reply to this,
I'm also going into my second year of a law degree and am also 22 with a 1 year old waves manically
I suppose it's up to you really, could you take a year out if you did find it a bit much with 2? I took a year out while I was pregnant and my Uni was fine about it. I think logistically having 2 children is probably a lot more work than one, and also have to consider what if the next child has additional needs etc, that's always in the back of my head when I think about ttc. I personally can't see myself TTC for a few years but only you know your current situation and what support you have available. Best of luck though, it sounds like we are in a very similar situation so feel free to -PM me if you want to chat!

JustMarriedBecca Wed 10-Aug-16 19:19:30

Firstly to say 'I have a DH in law and it's fine' doesn't really count. Statistics from Harvard business schools show that men with children earn 21% more than contemporaries without children. They don't have the same issues women with children do.

As a woman, I'd have to question whether it's sensible. City firms are very much a team dependent culture, in my old firm my team were dreadful but the firm itself were trying to make strides forward. The messages weren't filtering down. Sure you could work at a smaller high street firm but the money is dreadful so I'd question whether you could have two children in nursery on that salary.

Sorry to be honest but it's freakishly competitive.

PurpleCrazyHorse Wed 10-Aug-16 20:34:33

Know nothing about law and studying etc with children... but...

DD is 7yo and DS is 13mo, so a six year age gap. It works really well. DD is in school and is old enough to do after school clubs, or entertain herself at home while I deal with DS. She gets herself dressed, gets drinks, in fact she even laid the table this afternoon for lunch, getting everything out of the fridge! It basically means that I'm only tied up with one fully dependent baby. It doesn't help that DS doesn't sleep!

So don't be put off by an age gap. DD loves DS, helps him do things, entertains him, rocks his buggy, chats to him. He absolutely dotes on her and I think her name will be his first word grin

However, I haven't found it straightforward going from one to two, probably a bit because of the age gap and we're back with buggies, nappies, weaning. I find that now, DH and I deal with one child each so neither has much downtime and we don't have much time together (like we did when we were both with DD). I would need DH to do way more than 50% care of both children, to enable me to study, on top of DH working.

Me624 Wed 10-Aug-16 20:52:06

I am a solicitor, currently on maternity leave with dc1. I am 5 years PQE and personally I still think I had a child too early. You will not make many friends at work by doing your training contract, convincing them to give you an NQ position and then immediately getting yourself pregnant.

I think that seeing as you already have one, you should have another now and get them all out the way before you start training. I urge you to take note of what other posters have said and think carefully about the type of firm you want to work for and the area you want to work in. City law simply isn't compatible with children. I work in a large regional commercial firm and although the hours are much better than the city, they are still long at times. I am worrying loads about how difficult it's going to be when I go back to work juggling it with DS in nursery, walking out of the door at 5.30 has been unthinkable until now but when I go back I simply won't have any other option and will have to leave on time, but most days log back on later after he's gone to bed and do some more work.

BertieBotts Wed 10-Aug-16 20:55:32

I have a 7yo ds and we are TTC number 2 smile Age gap was because I split up with DS's father and then even though I met DH not long after, we waited because we suddenly didn't feel old enough for kids, weirdly. He is a lovely age and although I would have liked to have DC closer in age he's so excited about the idea of a sibling and so, so sweet with friends' babies it's very endearing.

I feel 100 times better doing it now than I did when I was younger. I just feel more sorted and secure. It's nice knowing I won't have to worry too much about DS as well because he is pretty good at looking after himself. I hear that the first year with two close in age is pretty nightmarish and it might be really hard if you have to deal with demanding study or whatever as well. I think it will be really difficult to retain that "fun mum" thing because it will mostly be survival and you'll likely feel stretched in three or maybe four directions. It might pay off in the long run, though, and you'll get to be a "fun mum" when they are a little bit older.

It's still possible we will have 2 DC close in age as we might have a third child after this one, but we haven't decided yet. So there is no need to write off the "2 close age siblings" thing if that is important to you. And on that note - if you're actively planning a baby, it's worth considering whether you would cope with having twins. If twins would be a stretch but just about doable, then OK. If twins would be an absolute disaster, that's an extremely tight margin of error you're giving yourselves. Yes, the chances of twins are low for younger parents, but think about it like a shorthand to cover any unexpected extra difficulty such as complications following on from childbirth (which can also last a year or longer), premature birth, PND, having a child with additional needs and/or discovering additional needs in your older child. These are all a bit abstract and complex so the shorthand is twins, in terms of financial, emotional and practical resources you'd be likely to need.

deste Wed 10-Aug-16 21:05:17

I had an 8.5 year old and then a baby and it was a brilliant gap.

BertieBotts Thu 11-Aug-16 10:16:21

(I'm loving all these happy stories of big age gaps BTW smile)

99GBPChargeToUseMyPostsJournos Thu 11-Aug-16 10:38:57

Are you the mother or father?

I think going through pregnancy and birth and all that physically and hormonally entails would make it very difficult (not imposdible) , and personally I would wait.

If you aren't the pregnant person, I think either is doable.

WyldChyld Thu 11-Aug-16 18:43:24

Be aware of how competitive getting a training contract is. How would you feel if you didn't get one or had to wait a few years? How long will you put your life on hold for?

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