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AIBU?

To hate that my DH refers to helping as babysitting

30 replies

Pussywillows · 06/08/2016 23:11

I have 18 week old twin boys, I'm also just finishing up a 4 year degree. My exams and dissertation were due for a week after I gave birth and so I decided to defer them till August so not to have to retake the whole year.
DH said this evening he would sit upstairs with the babies so I could shut myself in the office with no distractions and beaver on.
In the two hours alone time I had he needed my help twice because both babies waned to do different things and were getting aggy. I just asked him to empty the dishwasher whilst I fed the babies and he said he was knackered from babysitting 'all night'!

First off, I know he works but I'm alone with them all day long, it can be hard when babies are both interested in different things and get annoyed but they're extremely patient babies and it's never a problem, I couldn't just have two hours to concentrate on my work which is very important to me

Secondly - it's not babysitting when it's your own babies Grin

AIBU? Even if I am - it was worth the rant WinkBiscuit

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MamaDuckling · 06/08/2016 23:15

Tell him it's called PARENTING

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MamaDuckling · 06/08/2016 23:16

And yes, DH, it is exhausting....

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JudyCoolibar · 06/08/2016 23:16

YANBU. It's parenting, not babysitting. And he needs to learn how to do it without running to you every time it gets mildly complicated.

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OreosAreTasty · 06/08/2016 23:17

It isn't helping either. It's parenting.
Tell him to buck his ideas up.
Quickly

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Pussywillows · 06/08/2016 23:19

I've gone to bed in the spare room.. Good luck with the morning feed you big arsehole Grin

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Topseyt · 06/08/2016 23:27

I'd agree with the others. Tell him that it is actually called parenting.

Remind him firmly that they are his children too, so this is to be expected regularly.

Welcome him to the club.

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Geordiegirl79 · 06/08/2016 23:34

Argh, one of my major pet hates. It's not babysitting when it's your own children!!! He's exhausted from a couple of hours but I bet he wouldn't acknowledge that you are exhausted from a whole day of it, day in, day out. Grrrr. I hope you have a lock on that spare bedroom door for the inevitability of him trying to bring them in for the morning feed.

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Arfarfanarf · 06/08/2016 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MillionToOneChances · 07/08/2016 00:32

I would either get him to take the kids out or you take yourself out to a library while he takes his turn PARENTING!

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Topseyt · 07/08/2016 00:52

Perhaps the poor thing really thought that sitting upstairs with the babies simply meant sitting on his arse reading or watching TV while said babies slept or played peacefully in the corner.

In the event, he had a much needed rude awakening, so he tried getting arsey about it.Grin

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Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 07/08/2016 07:47

That's gold. I'm currently rather enjoying watching my DP take over the full time care of our 3YO as I'm ready to burst with twins. He still has help and advice from me but when I'm in hospital it's going to be very different. He really does try. I think it's just hard to understand how much work is involved if you haven't been there. Your DP needs a talking to re the babysitting comment, but I think also needs to start being left to take care of them alone on a regular basis.

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snowgirl29 · 07/08/2016 07:52

YNBU! you don't 'babysit' your own kids. It's called Parenting.

I was sitting my finals when DS was a young baby and I know how hard it is OP. Next time you're having a studying session, take yourself off to the library so you're not so reachable.

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DeathStare · 07/08/2016 07:59

I agree it's not babysitting. It's being a parent and he should be able to manage it for longer than that.

And a tip from another mum who has tried to study at home - go out! Take yourself to the library, a coffee shop, a quiet pub, a friend's house, anywhere really. A lot of studying mums find that if they stay in to study it becomes inevitable that they get disturbed. It shouldn't be necessary, but that might not be a battle you have time to fight right now.

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AyeAmarok · 07/08/2016 08:06

Another who thinks you should explain "it's parenting, not babysitting, and yes it is exhausting - I know because I have to do it all day every day and can't come and ask anyone for help".

I'd ask him to take the twins out this morning so you can get some peace to stud, because you didn't get it last night with all the interruptions.

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GinAndSonic · 07/08/2016 08:10

My DP doesn't even use the word "babysitting" and my kids AREN'T his!

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DownWithThisSortaThing · 07/08/2016 08:12

YADNBU
It is exhausting and he's experiencing what you do every single day, on your own
They're as much his babies as they are yours, so no, it's not 'babysitting'

Rant away FlowersBrew and tell him straight!

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user7755 · 07/08/2016 08:13

He isn't 'helping' or 'babysitting', he's parenting his own kids. Angry

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ErrolTheDragon · 07/08/2016 08:17

If you're finishing your degree this month you need more than a few interrupted hours at the end of the day when you're tired. For sure your DP should be able to parent alone for an evening ( and do some housework at the same time, multitasking is not something only women can do) but maybe you should try to get an actual babysitter for a few concentrated daytime study sessions?

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DownWithThisSortaThing · 07/08/2016 08:21

Also, even if you didn't have to study and work on a dissertation, you still need (and deserve) a bit of time to yourself regularly. Even if it's just a morning on the weekend. So he needs to get used to having them on his own to give you a bit of a break. It's part and parcel of being a parent, regardless of how much he works. Looking after babies is a 24 hour a day job, and you need a break too!

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MilesHuntsWig · 07/08/2016 08:39

Wow well done superwoman! Twins and a dissertation?!

Came on to say the same thing as loads of PPs... Parenting not babysitting. He needs to up his game.

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AntiHop · 07/08/2016 08:59

Yanbu. I hate it when the term babysitting is used to describe parenting.

Good luck with your exams.

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MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 07/08/2016 09:03

Looking after grandchildren or stepchildren etc.. is called babysitting.
You don't babysit your own children though.

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MrsKoala · 07/08/2016 09:13

Yesterday afternoon i went out with my parents to see old family friends. It wasn't planned but M&D were going so i thought i'd pop along for a couple of hours to get out and say hello. When the others saw me and my parents together, they were Confused and all exclaimed 'where are the children?!!' (who are 4 and 2). They honestly couldn't work out that if I was there, and my mum was there then who on earth could be looking after the children? I told them DH was taking them to soft play. Then they spent ages banging on about how lucky i am that he will look after then because he works all week Angry . For the record DH most certainly does not think this.

So yanbu OP, it is annoying enough when others think this way, let alone the dc's actually father. Teach him a lesson!

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Pussywillows · 07/08/2016 09:14

Thank you so much for all the comments, very appreciated! He apologised this morning and said he understands how hard my days must be but I have said he needs to step up and spend more time doing it alone too! He's booked two days off work next week and I'm going into uni Grin

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AnnaBegins · 07/08/2016 09:22

Yanbu, this is my DH's pet hate, if people congratulate him for babysitting our baby he corrects them and says, no I'm just parenting. Glad he's apologised.

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