To hate that my DH refers to helping as babysitting

(31 Posts)
Pussywillows Sat 06-Aug-16 23:11:51

I have 18 week old twin boys, I'm also just finishing up a 4 year degree. My exams and dissertation were due for a week after I gave birth and so I decided to defer them till August so not to have to retake the whole year.
DH said this evening he would sit upstairs with the babies so I could shut myself in the office with no distractions and beaver on.
In the two hours alone time I had he needed my help twice because both babies waned to do different things and were getting aggy. I just asked him to empty the dishwasher whilst I fed the babies and he said he was knackered from babysitting 'all night'!

First off, I know he works but I'm alone with them all day long, it can be hard when babies are both interested in different things and get annoyed but they're extremely patient babies and it's never a problem, I couldn't just have two hours to concentrate on my work which is very important to me

Secondly - it's not babysitting when it's your own babies grin

AIBU? Even if I am - it was worth the rant winkbiscuit

MamaDuckling Sat 06-Aug-16 23:15:43

Tell him it's called PARENTING

MamaDuckling Sat 06-Aug-16 23:16:02

And yes, DH, it is exhausting....

JudyCoolibar Sat 06-Aug-16 23:16:48

YANBU. It's parenting, not babysitting. And he needs to learn how to do it without running to you every time it gets mildly complicated.

OreosAreTasty Sat 06-Aug-16 23:17:39

It isn't helping either. It's parenting.
Tell him to buck his ideas up.
Quickly

Pussywillows Sat 06-Aug-16 23:19:34

I've gone to bed in the spare room.. Good luck with the morning feed you big arsehole grin

Topseyt Sat 06-Aug-16 23:27:00

I'd agree with the others. Tell him that it is actually called parenting.

Remind him firmly that they are his children too, so this is to be expected regularly.

Welcome him to the club.

Geordiegirl79 Sat 06-Aug-16 23:34:12

Argh, one of my major pet hates. It's not babysitting when it's your own children!!! He's exhausted from a couple of hours but I bet he wouldn't acknowledge that you are exhausted from a whole day of it, day in, day out. Grrrr. I hope you have a lock on that spare bedroom door for the inevitability of him trying to bring them in for the morning feed.

Arfarfanarf Sat 06-Aug-16 23:50:38

Oh put him straight right now.
He isnt babysitting his own children because that implies he's helping you out. Which in turn implies he thinks the children you both created are your responsibility.

While you're at it, inform him that he's not helping you out if he;

Cooks
cleans
irons
dusts
vacuums

Etc etc

Your magic vagina does not make all these things your job.

There's going to be no mention for him in the new year's honours list if he takes equal responsibility for all things domestic in his own home and all things childcare related for the children he fathered.

In fact, all men should be required to sign a document to that effect before they are allowed anywhere near us! grin

MillionToOneChances Sun 07-Aug-16 00:32:30

I would either get him to take the kids out or you take yourself out to a library while he takes his turn PARENTING!

Topseyt Sun 07-Aug-16 00:52:12

Perhaps the poor thing really thought that sitting upstairs with the babies simply meant sitting on his arse reading or watching TV while said babies slept or played peacefully in the corner.

In the event, he had a much needed rude awakening, so he tried getting arsey about it.grin

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sun 07-Aug-16 07:47:00

That's gold. I'm currently rather enjoying watching my DP take over the full time care of our 3YO as I'm ready to burst with twins. He still has help and advice from me but when I'm in hospital it's going to be very different. He really does try. I think it's just hard to understand how much work is involved if you haven't been there. Your DP needs a talking to re the babysitting comment, but I think also needs to start being left to take care of them alone on a regular basis.

snowgirl29 Sun 07-Aug-16 07:52:25

YNBU! you don't 'babysit' your own kids. It's called Parenting.

I was sitting my finals when DS was a young baby and I know how hard it is OP. Next time you're having a studying session, take yourself off to the library so you're not so reachable.

DeathStare Sun 07-Aug-16 07:59:25

I agree it's not babysitting. It's being a parent and he should be able to manage it for longer than that.

And a tip from another mum who has tried to study at home - go out! Take yourself to the library, a coffee shop, a quiet pub, a friend's house, anywhere really. A lot of studying mums find that if they stay in to study it becomes inevitable that they get disturbed. It shouldn't be necessary, but that might not be a battle you have time to fight right now.

AyeAmarok Sun 07-Aug-16 08:06:29

Another who thinks you should explain "it's parenting, not babysitting, and yes it is exhausting - I know because I have to do it all day every day and can't come and ask anyone for help".

I'd ask him to take the twins out this morning so you can get some peace to stud, because you didn't get it last night with all the interruptions.

GinAndSonic Sun 07-Aug-16 08:10:32

My DP doesn't even use the word "babysitting" and my kids AREN'T his!

DownWithThisSortaThing Sun 07-Aug-16 08:12:56

YADNBU
It is exhausting and he's experiencing what you do every single day, on your own
They're as much his babies as they are yours, so no, it's not 'babysitting'

Rant away flowersbrew and tell him straight!

user7755 Sun 07-Aug-16 08:13:38

He isn't 'helping' or 'babysitting', he's parenting his own kids. angry

ErrolTheDragon Sun 07-Aug-16 08:17:02

If you're finishing your degree this month you need more than a few interrupted hours at the end of the day when you're tired. For sure your DP should be able to parent alone for an evening ( and do some housework at the same time, multitasking is not something only women can do) but maybe you should try to get an actual babysitter for a few concentrated daytime study sessions?

DownWithThisSortaThing Sun 07-Aug-16 08:21:01

Also, even if you didn't have to study and work on a dissertation, you still need (and deserve) a bit of time to yourself regularly. Even if it's just a morning on the weekend. So he needs to get used to having them on his own to give you a bit of a break. It's part and parcel of being a parent, regardless of how much he works. Looking after babies is a 24 hour a day job, and you need a break too!

MilesHuntsWig Sun 07-Aug-16 08:39:23

Wow well done superwoman! Twins and a dissertation?!

Came on to say the same thing as loads of PPs... Parenting not babysitting. He needs to up his game.

AntiHop Sun 07-Aug-16 08:59:46

Yanbu. I hate it when the term babysitting is used to describe parenting.

Good luck with your exams.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Sun 07-Aug-16 09:03:27

Looking after grandchildren or stepchildren etc.. is called babysitting.
You don't babysit your own children though.

MrsKoala Sun 07-Aug-16 09:13:54

Yesterday afternoon i went out with my parents to see old family friends. It wasn't planned but M&D were going so i thought i'd pop along for a couple of hours to get out and say hello. When the others saw me and my parents together, they were confused and all exclaimed 'where are the children?!!' (who are 4 and 2). They honestly couldn't work out that if I was there, and my mum was there then who on earth could be looking after the children? I told them DH was taking them to soft play. Then they spent ages banging on about how lucky i am that he will look after then because he works all week angry . For the record DH most certainly does not think this.

So yanbu OP, it is annoying enough when others think this way, let alone the dc's actually father. Teach him a lesson!

Pussywillows Sun 07-Aug-16 09:14:44

Thank you so much for all the comments, very appreciated! He apologised this morning and said he understands how hard my days must be but I have said he needs to step up and spend more time doing it alone too! He's booked two days off work next week and I'm going into uni grin

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