I have a relative who lives a long way away from me, and is completely feckless. Previous addiction issues, a catalogue of unsuitable (verging on inappropriate) relationships. No job for years, mostly using her DCs are a cover story for not wanting to work, while being a totally useless mother. The house is always a tip, DCs in dirty clothes with a mountain of laundry, cupboards are empty, but her hair and nails are always done. I'm not being judgy (well I am) but trying to paint a picture that she firmly puts herself first. Her parents have tried so, so many times to help and it never helps. After her last spell of drug use, they withdrew help as far as I'm aware (I'm not close to them).
Her immediate family have all but washed their hands of her, but stay in lose touch with her, and pop in when I'm in the area. I usually take them all out for a pub lunch, and will be asked for money for 'urgent bills'. I've given her small amounts most times, but have no doubt it gets spent on everything but bills.
Anyway, I've just had a call from her in a panic. Muddled story, but she has no money and no food, and the kids (6,9,12) will have nothing to eat all weekend. Please can I send her some money, she will pay me back.
I suspect that to call me, she has already called her immediate family and been told no.
I'm not giving her money. I just know it will get spent on booze or worse. Even if at this point in time, she intends to spend it on food, the temptation will be too much when the money drops into her account.
So my thought was to set up an account for a supermarket delivery service, but not include the payment details. Give her the log in and ask her to do an order. When she is finished, I log back in, change the password and then add the card details and pay. If she really has nothing for tonight, I can order them a takeaway.
Will this work? The cruel part of me thinks she will never truly get help until she hits rock bottom, but the thought of those kids being hungry all weekend is just something I can't ignore. Worst case, she is just after money but will end up with some food which will keep until the next time she runs out of cash.
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Bailing out feckless relative - would this work?
55 replies
sparechange · 05/08/2016 17:42
OP posts:
HughLauriesStubble ·
05/08/2016 17:52
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