About nieces inappropriate profile pictures?

(94 Posts)
NoCapes Fri 05-Aug-16 11:41:08

DNiece is just turned 13, she's just recently in the last couple of months got into make-up, started wearing cropped tops, padded bras and padded knickers
I think the way she dresses is inappropriate and a bit weird but there you go

Recently though her profile pictures on whatsapp have been rather ... Suggestive?
Things like her leaning forward in a mirror and squeezing her 'boobs' together and pouting etc

Her current picture is of her in a bikini stood sideways sticking both her boobs and her bum out with her hand in the arch of her back and pouting

It really is too much

I don't think her mum has whatsapp so I've just sent her a message saying, "don't know if you've seen it but I don't think you'd be very happy with DN's whatsapp picture, you might want to ask her to change it"
She didn't reply to me but sent a message to my Mum basically saying "tell Capes to mind her own business, I can parent my own daughter thankyou very much!"

WIBU?

FuckyNell Fri 05-Aug-16 11:42:42

Padded knickers??! shock

NoCapes Fri 05-Aug-16 11:45:03

Yep padded knickers! I was very hmm about those!

Sparklesilverglitter Fri 05-Aug-16 11:46:11

I have question, what are padded knickers? <<misses point of thread>>

I don't have a child that age but I'm not a fan of seeing young teen girls done up like adults if you know what I mean. I can see any need for a 13 year old to have all make up done, wearing a bikini, sticking boobs and bum out.

Ultimately it is up to her Mum and if she's fine with it then I don't know really

Sparklesilverglitter Fri 05-Aug-16 11:46:37

Can't see

NoCapes Fri 05-Aug-16 11:47:26

Padded knickers are just like padded bras, but for your bum!

trafalgargal Fri 05-Aug-16 11:47:28

It doesn't matter what you think, her Mum has made her feelings clear.
It wasn't unreasonable to express concern (although your message comes across a bit judgey) but it would be unreasonable to keep going on about it now you know Mum's response.

ClopySow Fri 05-Aug-16 11:47:33

Well that's you told then.

I don't think YWBU, but you know not to interfere again i guess.

SuburbanRhonda Fri 05-Aug-16 11:47:51

It's none of your business.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Libitina Fri 05-Aug-16 11:50:37

YANBU

You did the right thing in raising your concerns, however, her Mum has the final say on this matter.

Mcchickenbb41 Fri 05-Aug-16 11:51:23

YANBU. you did the right thing raising it although u may get the odd poster on here saying butt out. But I for one think you did the right thing but now I'd step back. My dd is 12 going on 16 and although there are no real issues ATM as in she listens to me when I say no to certain things like make up etc I know my battles are on there way. I would hit the roof of there were pics of my daughter like this on the Internet. And any form of social media is banned from this house. I suspect from the reaction you received the mum knows about the pictures and is ok with it. ! But yeah you've raised your concerns as an auntie now just leave it. At least you give a shit eh ?

Arfarfanarf Fri 05-Aug-16 11:51:31

I think from that response her mum has seen the pictures and doesnt mind/approves. That's quite a defensive response. If it was me and my child was posting pictures like that, id be grayeful for the heads up. But then such pictures would not be ok with me. I can only assume that either they are ok to her or she is more bothered about you trying to help out and seeing criticism of her where none exists than she is about her child posting sexualised pictures on the internet

NoCapes Fri 05-Aug-16 11:52:00

Of course it's my business! She's my niece!

And I didn't say I was going to keep going on about it, I'm just shocked at her response, I have a daughter and can't imagine for one minute being ok with her sexualising her image whilst she's still a child and being ok with her putting half naked pictures all over the place!
Just find it very very strange!

KoalaDownUnder Fri 05-Aug-16 11:52:21

I think YWNBU.

But then again, I've done very similar (except my sister said 'thanks' and made her take it down).

Salmotrutta Fri 05-Aug-16 11:52:24

Oh dear - whilst I do agree with you about those types of pics I'm not sure "telling" her mum how to feel about it and suggesting how she responds was the best way forward.
People get very defensive about others suggesting how they parent!
Not sure how best to get the message across without ruffling feathers mind you!

Penfold007 Fri 05-Aug-16 11:53:16

You've been told in no uncertain terms to mind your own business so delete her from Whatsapp and keep out of it.

NoCapes Fri 05-Aug-16 11:53:16

Ah cross posted with a few more reasonable replies, thankyou

Eatthecake Fri 05-Aug-16 11:53:25

shock at padded knickers, I only knew they exist a week or so ago and for the life of me can not see why anybody needs padded knickers.

My DD is 14 and there is no way she would be allowed a bikini full make up shot as a profile picture, if I am completely honest I don't like her on social media at all.
I do let DD have some 'grown up' clothes but most life she is in jeans & nice tshirt.
Make up I allow light make up ( light colours only)

If your niece is allowed to be like that on Facebook then you can't do anything about it.

I don't think you was being unreasonable to say something, The Mum might not of known the picture was up and I would be grateful if it was my DD and somebody told me

Mcchickenbb41 Fri 05-Aug-16 11:53:29

Iv Learnt something new today ...... Padded knickers ..... One thing I don't need grin

PerspicaciaTick Fri 05-Aug-16 11:54:40

Her mum already buys into the whole objectification thing by buying her DD padded bras and knickers. She is obviously fine with her DD dressing this way. I have no idea why you thought she wouldn't approve of the photos when she quite clearly buys into the idea of making her DD look sexier.

You have done what you can - unfortunately you can't protect your DN from her mother.

NoCapes Fri 05-Aug-16 11:55:24

Salmotrutta I spent ages writing the message and really struggled to not sound judgy, so I went with presuming she hadn't seen it because if any sane person had they wouldn't allow it, instead of basically saying 'your daughters picture is inappropriate'
You're right there really was no good way to say it

BalloonSlayer Fri 05-Aug-16 11:58:05

YANBU

I expect she got arsey at the "you might want to ask her to change it" bit, "you might want to" seems to mean "you should" these days rather than the "there is a chance you might wish to do something if you knew the circumstances" which is the interpretation I grew up with.

You could message her again "Got your message via Mum. Apologies for seeming to interfere, just presumed you hadn't seen it. Will MMOB from now on xx"

Tezza1 Fri 05-Aug-16 11:59:24

Padded knickers are just like padded bras, but for your bum!
So all the years of "Does my bum look big in this?" have been wasted!

SuburbanRhonda Fri 05-Aug-16 11:59:50

Well, it doesn't really matter that you think it's your business because her mum clearly doesn't think it is.

You've achieved nothing here except to piss her off. Your comments about your own child make you sound very judgy.

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