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AIBU?

To just stick them on a train?

41 replies

DryAsRain · 04/08/2016 21:14

I abhor my XH, he's a cheating, lying twat but we share custody of 2 DDs (14 & 16)

XH has continued with his cheating ways and has cheated on OW who has been his wife for years with another woman, who is pregnant which is why he's had to come clean.

He & his current wife have had fertility issues, so right now it's all very dramatic, however he was due to have the DDs for 2 weeks starting this Saturday. We live in the South, he lives in London, it's almost a 2 hour train ride but the DDs have done it for years on their own with someone waiting at the other end.

DH & I have a trip booked for Saturday afternoon, we'll be gone for 10 days.

XH has just called and cancelled on the DDs as he has to save his marriage, his current wife wants to stay with him, she just has to learn to trust him and make sure he respects her etc etc & he can't do that with his DDs around

I've told him tough luck, they'll be waiting for him at the station at the allotted time, if he's not there they'll catch a bus & go straight to his house, then I hung up and haven't picked up any of his calls since.

DH thinks I'm a little insane to do that, DDs are up for it as they just want to leave our boring village & go to London.

Would it be alright to just stick them on a train?

OP posts:

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ineedamoreadultieradult · 04/08/2016 21:17

Do they have a key for his house? Are they aware they will be walking into a very tense/awkward situation?

Arkwright · 04/08/2016 21:20

No I wouldn't. It's not fair on your Dd's.

DryAsRain · 04/08/2016 21:20

Ineed, they know more then I do, I didn't realise all this drama had been happening until they got back from a weekend with him, but London trumps parental baggage, so they're fine with it. No key but Grandparents live within walking distance & they have a key to that house.

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 04/08/2016 21:22

I think you need to tell the grandparents if that's what you're going to do.

Missgraeme · 04/08/2016 21:22

Bye bye dd's! Sure the gp will love to see them. . He sounds like a total arse!!

DryAsRain · 04/08/2016 21:29

MissG, I was thinking the exact same thing. I don't mind telling the GPs, they probably have no idea what's happening though, so I think I'll leave all the drama out of it & let DDs fill them in.

OP posts:

BillSykesDog · 04/08/2016 21:30

He's an arse but I don't think it's fair to send DDs into that situation. Can they not just stay with GPs?

DryAsRain · 04/08/2016 21:32

Bill, I could ask the GPs & then they'll ask what wrongs with XH? And then I'd have to tell them and it isn't my place to do so as they're his parents not mine.

OP posts:

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 04/08/2016 21:32

YABU it isn't fair on your children, being sent into a hostile environment. You need to make proper plans with the grandparents for them to stay there rather than sending them into the midst of a marital conflict because you can.

HeddaGarbled · 04/08/2016 21:36

Maybe just check the GPs aren't away and are happy to have them? Unreasonable of him to expect you to cancel your holiday for anything other than a genuine emergency.

Liara · 04/08/2016 21:36

Your dc are old enough to make their own decision about this. I would respect it, whatever it is.

YelloDraw · 04/08/2016 21:51

Well I imagine his house will be fucking tense at the moment, but he can't just opt out of having them.

I think I would ask the GPs if they can stay with them and tell them that Ex seems to be having some issues but it's not your place to say.

BillSykesDog · 04/08/2016 22:12

I would suggest what ^^Yello says as well. I think that dropping him in it with his parents should be less of a concern than sending DDs into such a toxic situation.

Bear in mind that he also may be lying to you about the situation and it's possible that she's kicked him out. You could end up in a situation with DDs turning up to a house they're locked out of and nowhere to go and an STBX stepmother who doesn't consider it her problem.

Definitely talk to the GPs. If he didn't want them finding out about it he shouldn't have done it in the first place.

Littleallovertheshop · 04/08/2016 22:39

You're being totally unfair on your kids if you do that. Be the grown up and phone the grandparents. You don't need to tell them everything but you do need to ensure someone can take care of your two children.

Littleallovertheshop · 04/08/2016 22:44

How about this? uk.monsoon.co.uk/view/product/uk_catalog/mon_13,mon_20/9501327914

Ameliablue · 04/08/2016 22:45

You really want to send your girls into that. I get he's being entirely irresponsible and should put his children first but it doesn't sound as if that is going to happen. Even if he does pick them up, they probably won't enjoy being there amidst stress and arguments.

Lunar1 · 04/08/2016 22:46

You need to tell the grandparents. What if they are away?

MrsWorryWart · 04/08/2016 22:50

I understand you're going away, and it's your ExH problem really, but please don't do that to your DD's. You have no idea of the situation at the other end.

ThomasRichard · 04/08/2016 22:57

As long as the grandparents are aware and ok with their grandchildren potentially arriving for 2 weeks or not, then YANBU. They're old enough to travel alone and know the score with the situation at their dad's house.

Littleallovertheshop · 04/08/2016 23:38

Oops

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/08/2016 04:49

If the kids are up for it and have safe alternatives and IF you CAN come home if absolutely necessary..

Then yeah, I would let them go - you aren't forcing them, they want to, whats the worst case scenario, they have to come home and stay home without you for 10 days? If they can manage that then, mm, bit of an adventure and a test run of 'standing on your own two feet' with various safety nets.

It does entirely depend on the maturity of the two and if the elder one is happy to be responsible for the younger one of course.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/08/2016 05:33

The GP's need to be filled in to ensure they haven't gone on holiday themselves. I know effectively your 16 yr old can legally look after your 14 yr old but it only seems fair to have some safety nets in place. Being able to stay with GP's would be top of my list. Along with access to 48 hours of funds for hotel/food/ticket home. Your exh may well have decided to take his wife away and if you don't check the facts, your girls could potentially be in the centre of London with no one around. They're not babies but it could be awkward.

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Jaynebxl · 05/08/2016 05:41

You can't do it without talking to the grandparents. I'd feel free to tell them what's going on because of the children.

UnexpectedBaggage · 05/08/2016 05:53

If the girls are up for it, do it.

Onthecouchagain · 05/08/2016 06:37

Are you insane OP?
That's literal child abandonment.
Give your head a wobble.

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