To not make my daughter share

(43 Posts)
1AngelicFruitCake Sun 31-Jul-16 13:45:48

Went to local park yesterday and walked into the sandpit area with my daughter (just turned 2) and a boy (turned out he was 3) came straight up to her and said 'I want it!' and took the bucket and spade off her and started playing. My daughter just stood there and tried to get it back but he continued to dig. I said loudly 'X, just let him have a go with your bucket and spade' thinking a parent would realise and come over. His dad approached, said hello to me and proceeded to watch as his son continued to play and my daughter watched. I then said 'Right, it's X's go now' and when he didn't hand it over I gently took it from him. Dad just watched. Was I unreasonable?

NickyEds Sun 31-Jul-16 13:47:46

No, I probably would have done it as soon as he snatched it off your dd tbh!

justpeachy74 Sun 31-Jul-16 13:48:33

No. Sounds reasonable to me.

ayeokthen Sun 31-Jul-16 13:49:23

Your title is misleading, your daughter wasn't in the wrong here but the title makes it sound as if she was. I'd have taken it back as soon as he took it, then given it to him later if he waited.

tibbawyrots Sun 31-Jul-16 13:49:52

I would have taken it straight back off him. Otherwise it teaches your DD that anyone bigger than her has more right to her possessions than she does.

dementedpixie Sun 31-Jul-16 13:50:56

You should have taken it back from him when he first took it as your dd didn't get to play with her own toy

TeaPleaseLouise Sun 31-Jul-16 13:51:24

I would have taken it back straight away tbh and said, no it's DD's toy that she brought to play with, maybe she'll let you have a go once she's played with it for a while.

I don't think letting other kids take toys will teach sharing, more likely it'll encourage possessiveness.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sun 31-Jul-16 13:51:54

I would have taken it back from him as soon as he took it.

Now the lad and your dd think it's Ok to snatch a toy that someone else is playing with.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 31-Jul-16 13:53:19

YNBU. That's her property. How would you feel if someone expected you to share your clothes or make up with them. Not only that but at 2 years old. She hasn't learned sharing skills.
It would obviously be different if bucket and spade actually belonged in the park.
Then it would be public property.

CaptainCrunch Sun 31-Jul-16 13:54:05

That's not really anything to do with "sharing", that's having your own property snatched off you without consent.

I remember years ago being in a doctor's waiting room with 3 year old DD. She was playing with her own soft toy, a dressed up snowman which she loved. Another child was eyeing it up greedily and her mother obviously thought it was a generic toy from the waiting room. She loudly and snottily said, "Yes, it's not nice that the little girl won't share the snowman with you". I took great pleasure in telling her that the snowman was from Tesco and she was welcome to go and buy one...

summerainbow Sun 31-Jul-16 14:02:16

This what when most kids go to child care they think everything is for sharing . It up to parents to teach the kids that is not so , but because most parents don't parenthink that often. Y ou get what OP has said happening. You did right OP don't share your kids own toys when out about .

bumsexatthebingo Sun 31-Jul-16 14:06:17

I wouldn't have taken it off him. You put yourself in danger of getting involved in a toy tussle with a toddler that isn't even yours! I would have asked the dad to get it back. Then hopefully he could have a chat with the boy about it not being nice to take things and watch him more closely.

OohMavis Sun 31-Jul-16 14:07:40

YWBU to not take it back from him in the first instance.

Amelie10 Sun 31-Jul-16 14:09:27

I too would have taken it firmly from his hand and said no or something. Your little girl was playing nicely when this bossy boots just came and grabbed it.

AppleAndBlackberry Sun 31-Jul-16 14:11:16

I would have taken it straight back too, although if the child had resisted I would have asked their parent if possible. Different if you've gone with friends or it's a guest in your home, but children shouldn't have to share their things with random children in the park before they've even had a turn.

1AngelicFruitCake Sun 31-Jul-16 14:11:32

Sorry if my title was misleading. The reaction from the dad made me wonder if I was being unreasonable. I feel really guilty now that I didn't take it straight back. I'm not the most confrontational person and sometimes find it hard to judge these sorts of things. Once I'd given it back to my daughter he sort of stood there watching (as did his dad!) and tried to play with her and took the spade again, all with dad watching. At this point I took it straight back and did so again after that. Really should have done that to start with. Why the dad thought his son should be allowed to do that I don't know!

1AngelicFruitCake Sun 31-Jul-16 14:15:02

Bumsex - I did wonder if I should have let his dad get it back but as he just watched he obviously didn't see it as a problem! Once I got it back he even said to his child 'Don't worry, I'm sure the little girl will share soon'

Marymoosmum14 Sun 31-Jul-16 14:16:49

If I am honest it would depend on my mood, I would have just let him have it and found my DD something else, taken it straight back off him or said something to the dad. It would depend if I was feeling confrontational or not.

diddl Sun 31-Jul-16 14:17:01

Did they realise that it was your own stuff that you had taken with you?

kaitlinktm Sun 31-Jul-16 14:41:28

Yes - I also wonder if the dad realised it was her own toy and not one that was left in the sandpit for general use.

This is because years ago when on holiday I had a similar experience with children and an inflatable toy in a swimming pool - they thought it belonged to the hotel but in fact it belonged to my family. The father was quite vocal about it until he realised. I told him we didn't mind sharing, but drew the line at children not being allowed to play with their own toys.

Lweji Sun 31-Jul-16 14:46:54

You don't really have to snatch toys from children. Just say out loud that it doesn't belong to them and they should give it back and never snatch from other children, but ask politely. Loud enough for the father to hear.
Whoever the toy belonged to, if any child wants to play they should ask. Always.

Henbythesea Sun 31-Jul-16 14:54:39

i would have taken it back straight away, gently but firmly. Important for your dd to know she counts.

The whole sharing thing frustrates me. Children of that age are too young to fully understand the concept and I don't think it should be forced. I have a friend who regularly brings her own 2 year old to tears, forcing him to share what are clearly his most precious toys to satisfy her own desire for him to be a 'good boy' hmm drives me bananas!

BillSykesDog Sun 31-Jul-16 15:00:05

I suspect the Dad probably thought that it was a common toy belonging to the sandpit and not your DDs own personal toy which is why he didn't make him give it back. I think you handled it all well, no harm done. Wouldn't worry about it.

BillSykesDog Sun 31-Jul-16 15:02:55

Sorry, didn't explain well maybe. In that situation if the toy was one that 'lived' in the sandpit (which I think the father probably thought it was) sharing would have been appropriate. But as it wasn't and it was your own toy I don't really think sharing is relevant here. I would only expect a child to share that sort of toy with a sibling or a child in their own party, not a stranger.

Brandonstarkflakes Sun 31-Jul-16 15:04:14

Oh god it's so awkward when kids do this and the bloody parents just stand and do nothing!

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