MIL

[FramptonRose]

I know there has been a lot of threads recently about problems with Mothers in Law.
A few years ago I could have had daily threads relating to all the crap mine pulled, constant array of problems for years (mainly drink related, on her part)
I have to say this past year, we have had a lot of stress, we run our own buisness, 3 young children, it has been tough, emotionally and financially.
My MIL has really stepped up to the plate (not financially) but just helping out, she is downstairs now minding the children, ( my husband has worked crazy hours over the past few months so is asleep, I have to pack as we are going away next week) she is cooking us dinner, sorting out the garden, she has picked me some stuff up from the shop too.
I am not posting to brag or anything like that, I am just amazed how much better our relationship is and how great she has been.
We obviously (have always) continue to help her out with whatever she needs too.
I am just glad it is finally coming together and we didn't end up break contact with her

[Chippednailvarnishing]

Glad for you OP, but drink would strain any relationship. Unfortunately some people are just horrible, even when they are sober!

[FramptonRose]

Oh I know Chipped, funny thing is my MIL and DF were drinkers and we grew up in dysfunctional homes because of it (more me actually) and we don't drink, we might have one or two on a night out (that is rare).
We have no interest in it, I think it is one good thing that came out of witnessing all the crap that came along with an alcoholic parent.

I was just siting up here packing and just felt a little ping of being quite proud of her and how far she has come. The children absolutely adore her and she is a fantastic grandparent, actually without being too over bearing.
Long may it last, if it doesn't I will be back with another thread asking for advice

[Mollymollymandy123]

Sometimes I think it's ok to break contact if the damage is too great but it's progress to have moved past issues with her & now have a good relationship.
In the last few months I decided to break contact with mil after what has been a horrendous time for us. Dh had an affair & in the aftermath I could not fathom her behaviour towards me, she seemed determined to try to find justification for her son's behaviour, even saying to dh in front of me "you must've had a reason to do it!".
I felt dreadful in the light of dh's infidelity but my hurt didn't seem to matter to her & she added to it by trying to find fault with me. I suspect she is angry & embarrased & doesn't know how to handle it, I wonder how I would've been treated had I thrown him out & not stood by him?!
Too much damage for reconciliation for me but I'm glad it worked out for you op.

[Gottagetmoving]

That's lovely. Have you told your MIL you are proud of her and appreciate her help?

[FramptonRose]

Mollymolly
That sounds awful. She does sound as if she is embarrassed and feels as though she has to stand by him, as its her son, although it's no excuse.
I am sorry she is being so hateful to you. In your circumstances Inwould 100% be the same, you are right, there are some situations you can't come back from X
Hope all works out for you X

[FramptonRose]

I do gottagetmoving, I make sure I give her a big hug too and tell her much she has helped us and that she has made things so much easier for us, and how lovely it is to have the help with the children.
I hope she knows I mean it, I always tell family members in front of her (if we are out for dinner or family celebration etc) how great she had been

[Mollymollymandy123]

The frustrating thing for me is I did stand by him, I didn't throw him out. It's such a shame things have ended up like this, it wasn't necessary. Why couldnt she see she was making a difficult situation worse? Anyway, I cannot waste any more time or energy worrying about her, I need to move on for my own good. 💐

[Gottagetmoving]

It's nice to hear a positive MIL story FramptonRose

[imother]

YANBU It's great that you've managed to build a gd relationship with her. and nice to hear about on here too.

[LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF]

Yaaay! Nice MIL thread! Good on you, OP, for showing her a bit of recognition!

[Scaredycat3000]

It's a modern fairy tale ending -I'm jealous, MIL is a narc