Another thread about MIL..

[OMGomgomgomg1234]

I know I'm most certainly not being unreasonable but I'm actually just so pissed off with her. It's the most trivial of things which is why it makes this so much worse!!!!

Just to clarify, my MIL is controlling and VERY toxic, I try to basically have limited contact, however DD was starting to do and say things MIL had been telling her/showing her that we had asked her not to do - obviously MIL point blank ignored us and carried on doing it anyway this led to us doing supervised activities when MIL would usually take her.

Back story:
I went shopping with my mum a few weeks ago now, I get a text off MIL asking to do the garden and that if I was busy I could leave the keys with her. I text back and said ''sorry MIL, I'm already out'' as I was already travelling to said destination at the time, I couldn't leave my keys.
So I got no reply - that usually means she's upset about something.

Anyway, get back from shopping trip, go pick up DD from nursery, get home and at about 6:10pm the door rings. My mum is still with me at this point.
I answer the door and it's MIL. I kind of looked at her a bit gone out because she hadn't text to say she was coming and she knew I was busy that day so I just said 'Hi, I've got my mum round at the moment'' at which point my mum pops around the door to say hi. MIL says ''Oh I just came to drop two bags of play sand off... I'll go get them now'' so I said ok, she came back and I thanked her for the sand and she said she would see me Saturday the day we normally go out and do stuff together with DD.
I agreed said I'd see her then.

Anyway the next day I got a text off my dad saying he needed to see me Saturday, so I decided to cancel the Saturday with MIL as she had previously cancelled 3 Saturdays in 1 month I didn't see the issue with it, and this was my first time having to cancel it.

The next thing I get is a phone call off DH telling me he's had a call of his dad and apparently MIL has a huff on because I was impolite and pulled my face at the door. He then goes on to say that it's because I've cancelled Saturday....

Long story short, she hasn't bothered to come see her granddaughter now for nearly 1 month because I politely texted her clarifying that I wasn't impolite that I thanked her, that I would see her Saturday but due to circumstances had to cancel which I didn't think would be an issue given than she cancelled on me 3 times in 1 month.
I can't help feeling like she's throwing her dummy out the pram because she made plans and I cancelled them.

She hasn't spoken to DH since and is basically giving everyone the silent treatment - something she does every time we have had an issue to raise with her, she point blank refuses to accept responsibility or fault for anything.

Why are MIL's twats? It's such a trivial fucking thing as well. I feel so annoyed by her.

[PotteringAlong]

You arranged to meet her and cancelled because your dad rang and you thought that was a better deal? I think this one is your fault, not MiL's...

[OMGomgomgomg1234]

Oh really? Why's that then? because I had to cancel a Saturday?

I don't really see what I've done wrong, other than texting to clarify.. Maybe I shouldn't of done that. However I refuse to be lied about to other people when I know I was never horrible to her.

I always try to accommodate what she wants I've just had enough tbh.

[NeedACleverNN]

You was rude to cancel

I know she has cancelled before but you can't be pissed off she cancelled and then cancel yourself

[OMGomgomgomg1234]

Ah right, so it's ok for her to cancel 3 Saturdays, and as soon as I have to cancel because my dad needs me over I'm flamed for it.

[NeedACleverNN]

No one is flaming but yes.

You can't be annoyed she has cancelled and do it yourself. It's double standards.

It's only acceptable to cancel in an emergency

[OMGomgomgomg1234]

I didn't cancel because I was pissed off. I actually cancelled for a genuine reason.

[PotteringAlong]

I don't really see what I've done wrong

You arranged to meet her and then cancelled because you had a better offer. That's rude.

[Justmeagain78]

I think her behaviour is very passive aggressive and silly how she gets your fil to ring up and explain her. It's her decision to blank you all so just let her get on with it. You need to find a way for it not to get to you so much. She's a drain on your wellbeing and energy.

[PotteringAlong]

And no one is flaming you. We're disagreeing with you.

[OMGomgomgomg1234]

Let me explain something here my dad is ill, he needed me to help him out. I cancelled for that reason. NOT BECAUSE SHE HAD CANCELLED ON ME PREVIOUSLY!

Honestly all of you think I'm being bitter cancelling because she did, its not tit for tat. I'm saying I cancelled for a genuine purpose and she threw her dummy out the pram about it.

[DoreenLethal]

Don't worry about the people telling you off for cancelling, why would you want to spend time with her anyway? Just don't book to see her again, and let your husband do the running around to see her. Life is too short.

[NeedACleverNN]

Well that was a drip feed and a half wasn't it?

If your dad is ill and genuinely needs you, then yes it's ok go cancel aka an emergency...

[humblesims]

Why were you not able to invite her in when your mum was with you?

[m0therofdragons]

Depends on her reasons for cancelling. If you have an arrangement with mil but cancel just because your dad wants to see you I can see why mil is upset. She didn't reply when you said you were out so you've assumed she's upset but then she turned up with the sand presumably assuming you'd be in in the evening (which you were). So she did a nice thing - doesn't sound like she's upset with you at that point.
I'm not saying she's not toxic but the example you've given just shows a woman trying to do something nice and disappointed she can't see her Gd for a reason that means you have prioritised other gp over her.

[OMGomgomgomg1234]

Ah well. None of you actually know what she's like though do you.
She's very toxic in nature, turns up at my house when she wants and then refuses to see her granddaughter for a month because she's pissed off.

[NeedACleverNN]

Of course none of us knows what she's really like.. We've never bloody met her!!

I have an awful MIL and an extremely psychotic SIL but I don't expect you to understand that without a complete back story and/or meeting her

[m0therofdragons]

That was a drip feed. I would have cancelled by phone explaining and apologising then setting up new day asap. Why has mil cancelled?

[LouSavage]

Oh another "I don't think I'm being unreasonable and I'll kick off if anyone disagrees with me" post. Fun..

[OMGomgomgomg1234]

She cancelled once due to weather, once due to making flowers and once more because she was busy but didn't say what it was.

[NPowerShitShower]

She sounds awful, sulky and immature. It's quite funny that she thinks you've cancelled in response to her behaviour! Like she holds such power... It's unfortunate timing but the Saturdays don't mean much to her if she's cancelled the last three. Fair play that you get to do the same.

I'd see less of her in future and never get into regular Saturday arrangements, otherwise you'll be having this performance every weekend for the next billion years. You need your DH to back you or you'll have bigger issues to deal with.

[OMGomgomgomg1234]

DH does back me. He knows what she is like.

[NeedACleverNN]

OP: AIBU?
Posters: yes actually you are
OP: but there is these extenuating circumstances
Posters: well that was a drip feed! Why didn't you say that before

[Deckthehallswithjammydodgers]

I don't understand why you couldn't invite her in for a cuppa when your mum was there ?.