WWYD - PIL Visiting Newborn(12 Posts)
DH's DM hasn't been in contact with us since June 5th, we asked her if she'd like to come visit us (only lives 30 minutes away) and see the Moses Basket we'd chosen for DS2. She agreed, and even offered to pay a bit of money towards it.
All fine - DH told her he was getting a new phone the next day, that his number would be the same, but he wouldn't have hers, so to just text/ring when she wanted to arrange it.
We've heard nothing since. We rang her house phone a few times, as it's the only number DH could remember, but no answer. She constantly drops in and out of his life and we made the decision last time, that it wasn't up to us to chase her as she shows zero interest in DS, and her visits are generally quite stressful for us all.
Now DHs Dad and Stepmum have been in on and off contact through the pregnancy, we have visited them when we've been invited and I have Stepmum on Facebook (she's a regular poster)
Relationship is okay, no animosity except that DH feels his DF can ignore him and not tell him anything. (Last time we phoned to arrange something, they were sitting on a runway ready to go on holiday for 3 weeks, we didn't have a clue!)
DS has been really sick with his asthma the past month or two, and it's been a real struggle to get out anywhere, I've also had horrendous PGP so can't walk more than a few yards without being in a lot of pain. I'm effectively on bed rest, and all PILs know this. They haven't text/called to ask how any of us are and my induction date is fast approaching.
I know me and DH could have forced contact more the last few months, but we've had so much going on, that we kinda felt they should be the ones to make the effort. It made us realise that the only reason we had a relationship with them was because it was us doing most of the chasing.
So WWYD? They all know the induction date for DS2 (next week ) do we text them and remind them that they're going to be GP's again? Do we invite them round to see the baby when we're at home? Or still in hospital? Or do we just leave it?
At the minute, DH is feeling quite let down by them, and isn't really wanting to push for contact, I on the other hand, don't want any family arguments.
I just don't want to reach out to them, only to be ignored, as I know that'd hurt DH even more
I wouldn't chase after them. Your poor DH must be feeling hurt by their lack of interest. Just leave it, they have been told the date previously and it's up to them to check up on how things are going along.
I would just leave it. It sounds like you have enough to deal with.
I would it be reminding them or suggesting times for visits but I would let them know when the baby has arrived so it's then up to them.
You've said they know the induction date so the ball is in their court.
It's sad for you husband though.
Ignore them. Sadly I think they have made it quite clear that they just aren't that bothered and I certainly wouldn't be chasing them at all. Fuck them, your children deserve better relatives who give a shit.
MIL is very much busy except when she suddenly wants to see DCs. I refuse to do any chasing, she gets in touch every so often and do takes DCs over. Probably once every few months. She lives in the same city but made her priorities clear years ago. Same with SIL, haven't seen her in years because she cba and isn't interested in DCs, didn't even visit us after DC2. Her loss.
Agree with PPS. Just let them know once ds2 has arrived. Invest time and effort into people who care instead - friends and other family.
Thank you, pretty much what I thought tbh, I'm just not very good at judging situations. We've had a bit of upheaval on my side of the family too, so it's all bit a crazy.
I updated my Facebook status ( I know!) saying how proud I was of my DS for taking his inhaler so well, and being an excellent little boy whilst in hospital. All my friends wished him well and asked how he was, and if he was excited to be a big brother. StepMum didn't even message/text wondering how he was, even though she posted an update not long after.
I know how childish and ridiculous that sounds, and social media probably ruins more relationships than it's worth, but if she ever sees DS it's plastered over Facebook within minutes
I wouldn't remind them. But make sure you let them know of new baby's arrival date, name etc. Up to them then if they want to arrange a visit.
Reckon we just send it as a text when he arrives? Just like I will to other non-close family members? Seems so impersonal, but at the same time, not sure they're worth engaging with for more than a few minutes!
Maybe they'll miraculously get in touch in the next few days, I hope they do for DHs sake
Drop them, you have enough to deal with and they clearly cant be bothered.
Good luck with your induction op I hope it goes really well
U can't force people to be nice relatives unfortunately. . Suggest u enjoy the peace and be glad there won't be a queue of people in and out of your home when u have the baby! Many would be glad in your position on MN.!!
I know, definitely an unpopular opinion to want to have PIL involved haha
I think it is for the best to just leave it all up to them. Just hoping there's no backlash, I have a feeling that if they were to be left to their own devices, it'd ultimately be my fault in their eyes, if they didn't get to be involved with baby. My DH is fantastic, and we do put up a united front, but I'm not going to say we're going 'NC', just in case they change their minds, he's so upset at the minute (hiding it well) but ultimately he's desperate for them to be more interested
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.