parents of the 70s and 80s were way angrier - DYA?

(97 Posts)
JackandDiane Wed 27-Jul-16 13:54:58

Was talking to mates about long holiday car journeys and we all remembered blazing rows ( normally near Rouen) as par for the course - and we remembered them in a funny way, although I am sure they probably weren't

We just don't have huge bust ups like our parents did now adays - are parents more tactful and discreet, or do we all simmer or text our pals angrily? Why dont't parents ROW any more?

DollyBarton Wed 27-Jul-16 13:56:02

I think all parents are different. Yours rowed. Mine never once did in front of us.

JackandDiane Wed 27-Jul-16 13:59:16

normally related to map reading by my mother tbh

ABloodyDifficultWoman Wed 27-Jul-16 13:59:48

I don't know but I'm just posting to reassure you OP. You are still utterly marvellous.

hmm

JohnLithgowsLargeForehead Wed 27-Jul-16 14:00:56

Mine didn't but my inlaws did so not sure.. I do think we're more child centric in general nowadays and probably more aware of how rowing can affect kids. But I do know of people who still do it!

user1469017213 Wed 27-Jul-16 14:01:58

hmm... not sure I quite agree.

I think there's more stress involved in family life now, e.g. arguments about screen time, parents having less authority. Also maybe children more left to 'get on with it' then too (for good or bad).

But also depends on the family and the characters in it!

JackandDiane Wed 27-Jul-16 14:02:06

we found a diary of a holiday where my sister documented the rows of the french family opposite shock grin

JackandDiane Wed 27-Jul-16 14:02:41

I think it was more acceptable to row though, if you were a rowy type.

Now you have to button it and tidy up in a huffy noisy way

Oblomov16 Wed 27-Jul-16 14:04:41

Totally disagree. My parents didn't argue much, very rarely. Now life is much more stressful, people snap more.

Tabsicle Wed 27-Jul-16 14:05:15

I think it varies. I think DH and I row a lot more than my parents did. He thinks we're sainted compared to his (but his fight a lot).

redexpat Wed 27-Jul-16 14:05:58

I think shouting and aggression is tolerated less. We also had screaming rows in the car. I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF I TURN FUCKING LEFT OR FUCKING RIGHT springs to mind.

JackandDiane Wed 27-Jul-16 14:07:59

thank you - thats exactly what I meant
I mean if your parents didnt row ANYWAY then that is not relevant
If they did bicker - did they REALLY SHOUT

Lweji Wed 27-Jul-16 14:10:16

My parents didn't have blazing rows. They just got grumpy with each other. No shouting.

ExH and I, however...

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Wed 27-Jul-16 14:10:17

My parents definitely did. Still do with their new respective spouses. (Shockingly, they're divorced)

I also remember parents shouting at their kids all the time. Even the "nice" parents. I always figured we'd really fucked up if the nice ones were shouting.

I'm also a shouter, and I feel very out of place amongst the calm and gentle.

Off to see my counselor now...

MachiKoro Wed 27-Jul-16 14:10:22

My parents never rowed. Not did DHs. (Though they divorced when he was 3!)
DH and I never even have strong words, let alone row.
I would be lying if I said I had never shouted at my daydreamy, head in the clouds or nose in a book children though.

Your DH rows though, doesn't he?

Cherylene Wed 27-Jul-16 14:12:04

My parents rowed a lot, but seem to have given it up when they were older. Either that, or my Dad learned to just do as he was told hmm.

They were quite young and didn't have much money. I think there was a lot more stress in being able to afford things like cars which always went rusty and did not last as long as these days, holidays, household appliances on hire purchase, clothes and food. Now it is all childcare, phone contracts, dual fuel bills, television and broadband costs that go out each month but are impossible to live without.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington Wed 27-Jul-16 14:12:27

I like a row. Couples who don't ever row.....well they're a bit odd.

JackandDiane Wed 27-Jul-16 14:12:46

but whether you row or not is irrelevant

was it more acceptable then to SHOUT at each other and not be seen to be half way to the divorce courts?

If my kids heard me shouting like my parents used to rant ( tbh they sitll bicker endlessly) they would be like

MatildaTheCat Wed 27-Jul-16 14:15:58

My parents definitely bickered and argued a great deal. Unfortunately my DM is an irritable type and four DC were more than she easily coped with. I can only remember her cross as a child. sad

Oddly, I know they did loads of brilliant stuff with us: Wild camping,mswimming, beach holidays etc yet I can't remember it being filled with laughter. Also my db's bullied me a lot and nowadays that wouldn't be tolerated.

I still do have fond memories despite all that. smile

antiqueroadhoe Wed 27-Jul-16 14:16:43

Car journeys used to be hot, uncomfortable, no iPads and maps.

Nowadays mostly they are comfortable, air-con sat-navved with iPads and stuff going on. Much much nicer.

headinhands Wed 27-Jul-16 14:17:35

I've had 1 row with DH in 15 years and that was more me ranting like a loon while he stood on helpless. Can remember my parents having horrendous bust ups. I was accidentally showered in food during one. Not a nice feeling, remember feeling very vulnerable and guilty like it was my fault.

Cherylene Wed 27-Jul-16 14:17:39

I think for my parents, the divorce courts would have been far more socially unacceptable than rowing.

MuchasSmoochas Wed 27-Jul-16 14:18:18

It was def more acceptable to shout and roar back then. I'm from a shouty family and there were some humdingers. Also teachers used to shout all the time! My choir teacher threw a cup of coffee over us as we were out of tune. It didn't help.

MachiKoro Wed 27-Jul-16 14:19:28

My parents yelled at us but never one another.
Perhaps it's because we didn't have a car? Not cooped up in a tiny space together?

I don't know any adults from my (70s) childhood that yelled or screamed at one another.

headinhands Wed 27-Jul-16 14:22:43

Also back then it was frowned upon to get involved in a domestic fracas. If you heard your neighbour's going for it it would be seen as inappropriate to knock and check. I hope thing are changing. And maybe that's why couples stay calmer because people are more likely to check up on them. I find it really sad that it was ever inappropriate to knock on a door if you're concerned hearing shouting/screaming.

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