To think the teacher handled this wrong?!

[DietCokeNoIcePlease]

We know it's abit late to do anything about this now however we have only just found out what has happened... My cousin is an extremely shy girl and finds it extremely hard to form friendships with her peers , from the moment she enters the school class room until the end of day bell she doesn't say a word to anyone. The only time she would talk is when they have a break and she may feel confident enough to talk to her small group of friends.

Last week was her last week of school and during class she passed a note onto her friend asking him about the work because she didn't feel like she could ask the teacher. The teacher saw her passing the note to her friend and took the note and started asking the class if he should read it to the class and the rest of the class started chanting and whistling at the situation, one boy apprently said they must've been flirting and the teacher again asked if he should read it. This resulted in my cousin feeling very uncomfortable and upset and running out of class in tears.

The last day of school she spent on her own and didn't talk to her friends because she was nervous of what people would think, she now doesn't want to go out with her friends during the holiday.

We only know this happened because her friend came to the door to ask if she wanted to go out and then explained to her mother what had happened.

She is in year 6

[StarryIllusion]

No that is a pretty standard threat as far as I remember. She shouldn't be passing notes.

[Wolfiefan]

It doesn't sound great but by Y6 I would expect her to be able to ask for help. How on earth will she manage secondary school if she can't talk to the teachers?

[That1950sMum]

She shouldn't have been passing notes, and seriously needs to learn how to communicate. It is hard. Lots of children are shy, but letting her think it is ok to pass a note instead of talking to the teacher would not help her at all.

[HmmHaa]

You need to work on her confidence, PRONTO, before she goes to secondary school.
The teacher's response was probably a good natured attempt to deal with note passing, rather than to bollock her. Unfortunate that it caused distress.

Did the teacher apologise? If so, explain this to cousin (no real offence was meant, etc) and move on.

But seriously- what is being done about her shyness? Because she will be so miserable in life if this isn't addressed now. Hope she is ok.

[NeedACleverNN]

It's a usual standard threat to stop note passing

However, I'm sure the teacher knows your niece is a shy girl and wouldn't be passing notes for the fun of it.

But then on the flip side, she can't look like the teacher is making exceptions for note passing.

Either way I've got splinters from the fence sitting

[coolaschmoola]

She will have known passing notes is not allowed. What help is she getting because if she can't even speak to her teacher at the END of a full year then she really does need some serious intervention.

[DietCokeNoIcePlease]

We know she was wrong to send notes however the teachers all know how shy she is, at every meeting they comment on it and they say how they would like to hear her voice even if it's when they would like the class to not talk. They just want her to feel confident enough to commicate.

In our area secondary school is from year 5 - 8.

[PenelopePitstops]

Handled insensitivley by the teacher but she needs to work on being able to ask for help. Secondary school is A LOT tougher.

[Amelie10]

No she shouldn't be passing notes, and don't think the teach was out of line. Are her parents doing anything to help her overcome the shyness. It needs to be worked on as she will really suffer for it later on.

[kissmethere]

I think that's appalling behaviour from the teacher to allow the class to humiliate her like that. No she should not be passing notes and her shyness is holding her back. But whistling and chanting?
The teacher stirred that up. How awful for your cousin. I hope her parents are going to help her to speak up more to avoid this happening again.

[ChicRock]

Her parents need to look into doing some work with her or counselling or something over the summer holidays to build up her confidence, because from what you've described, she needs help.

[mrgrouper]

I think the teacher handled it well. Bet she will not pass notes again. Are we getting to the stage where teachers are not allowed to tell anyone off for bad behaviour?

[Wolfiefan]

She mustn't pass notes. It disturbs other learners and won't get her the help she needs. You need to work on her confidence in general. Urgently. And find a way she does feel she can ask for help. (Hold up her hand? Put a piece of red card on the desk to show she doesn't understand.)
She can't help being naturally shy but she needs to work on strategies. In a few years she could be in a workplace.

[MissSeventies]

Yes passing notes is not allowed and what happened is a pretty standard response from teachers. However, by the last day of school the teacher should have been aware of your cousin's issues and handled the matter more sensitively. Incidents like this can have a deep and lasting impact on children at this age and the teacher should have taken a balanced approach, reprimanding whilst not allowing the class to humiliate your cousin.

[SuburbanRhonda]

It's lovely that you're concerned about your cousin.

What are her parents doing to support her to overcome her shyness?

[Cherylene]

Teacher sounds more like a rugby club captain. At this point in the school year, he should know fine well what the DC is like and act accordingly. Someone somewhere should have referred her for extra help if she is not talking all day or contributing to class to this extreme. She must have some social anxiety problem that may be masking other problems so needs to see someone who knows about these things or she will have a miserable time and not reach her potential at high school. Complain to the governors and get things moving.

[SawdustInMyHair]

I think the bigger problem than the teacher asking them to read the note out, was the poor management of the behaviour of the rest of the class around it. Other children should not have been allowed to taunt/whistle, and that's something which should have been controlled. If someone in my class had shouted out that they fancied each other or something, they would have been sent straight out.

In my class last term I had a very shy child, and I would have taken more of a 'we don't pass notes, that's mine now' and put it in the bin without looking at it (which is actually what I usually do with any child, unless it's an ongoing thing), rather than making a huge deal of it.

Generally it's better with any bad behaviour not to make a huge deal of it in front of other children - it disrupts the whole class as happened on this occasion, and some children crave the attention it brings.

[Discobabe]

Yanbu. The teachers must be aware of her shyness and realise how much this would upset her. Removing it and having a quiet word about the note passing and to make it clear she asks the teacher for help then offer that help would have been much more appropriate.

[Pisssssedofff]

Teachers a prick, who does that

[kali110]

Pretty Standard for someone caught passing a note i think!
Your cousin does need helpwith her shyness though.
It must be horrible for her.

[HumphryDavy]

Sounds like selective mutism to me. My niece had it throughout school. Please get your cousin's parents to ask for a referral to CAMHS.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Pisssssedofff
"Teachers a prick, who does that"

Pretty much every teacher that has caught someone passing a note.

[babyboomersrock]

Euphemia, thank goodness for teachers like you

I'd assumed that humiliation as a form of discipline had died out in the 60s - how unimaginative of the teacher concerned. The fact that many posters applaud it is baffling. In what other situation involving children would this sort of approach be appropriate?

[LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF]

I think the teacher was right to intercept the note, but absolutely wrong to allow the consequent whistling/teasing. Badly handled, especially as the school is aware of the child's confidence issues. I'd be looking into ways you can improve her confidence over the summer. Just to offer a little hope, my niece was incredibly shy at primary school and only recently confessed to my sister that she sometimes ate her packed lunch in the loos (I was furious that this was allowed to happen & wanted sis to follow up) - she's just finished Year 7, has been made a prefect and works as a library assistant. She has literally thrived in secondary; the different school environment and wider range of extra-curricular activities has helped her no end.