Driving with children after a pint

(221 Posts)
Mrbluethecatt Mon 25-Jul-16 13:26:40

I was away with my friend at her DBro/SIL's for the weekend in England. We came in friends car and I have a broken foot so can't currently drive. my friends 2Dcs were also with us.

We all 4 adults and 2 DDs were due to go to a sports event yesterday however the SIL was unwell with bad morning sickness so couldn't make it. Friends DBro wanted to take the kids and asked my friend to stay with SIL. I was to go with the DDs to help with going to the toilet etc.

When we got there friends DBro went to the refreshments bit and bought drinks including a pint of beer for himself. I wasnt happy with this as Friends and I are from Scotland where drinking and driving is very socially unacceptable and even 1 pint would put you over the limit.

Before he started drinking I quietly said I wasn't comfortable with him drinking and driving the DCs. He got very annoyed with me and took a large drink and pretty much downed the pint in one.

I called my friend and told her and said I would pay for a taxi for me and the kids home after the event finished. The event only lasted an hour.

Friends DBro was angry at me for refusing to let him take the kids home and for me calling my friend. The DCS and me got a taxi home.

My friend had words with her DBro about expecting she would be ok for him to drive the DCs after drinking. After we got home last night friends SIL called me to tell me that I was out of order and was never allowed in her home again. I considered sil as a friend as we went to Uni together. She has told a few others what happened as I have had a few texts saying I should apologise to friends DBro. I dont think I should.

Aibu? Should I apologise?

SouthWindsWesterly Mon 25-Jul-16 13:33:01

YANBU - I would never drinking I was driving a vehicle, let alone with someone else's children in it. The SIL was out of order to but I can see why she might take her husbands side.

Downing a pint in one to make a point says more about him that your quiet word about driving after a beer with your children.

pointythings Mon 25-Jul-16 13:34:42

YANBU. Any alcohol affects driving ability, even if under the limit - and a pint might not be safe. I wouldn't have got in the car with him either.

I'm the only driver in our family and for me the only safe limit is 0. And that does mean really restricting things the night before going anywhere as well, but that's fine - alcohol is very take it or leave it for me.

GipsyDanger Mon 25-Jul-16 13:35:13

Says a lot that he couldn't go part of a day without alcohol, and downing it in one to prove a point. Cunt. You were totally in the right

Shoxfordian Mon 25-Jul-16 13:37:19

I can see why your friend's SIL thinks you are unreasonable as the drink-drive limits are different in the UK

www.drinkaware.co.uk/alcohol-facts/alcohol-and-the-law/drink-driving-and-the-legal-alcohol-limit/

I think generally one pint of beer wouldn't put you over the limit; so your reaction was a little excessive....he was also very immature though for downing the pint and the way he behaved

5Foot5 Mon 25-Jul-16 13:37:31

Friends and I are from Scotland where drinking and driving is very socially unacceptable

Well drinking and driving is socially unacceptable in England too but I suspect most men can drink one pint of beer without being over the limit.

Even so I think it was a bit thoughtless of him to do that when he was driving other people's children. I think you maybe over-reacted a bit though. If he had been drinking more than one I might have taken similar action but to me it sounds like you were OTT

pudcat Mon 25-Jul-16 13:39:35

You were totally in the right. Good for you.

Bottomchops Mon 25-Jul-16 13:40:43

YABU. I wouldn't as I'm quite small and it would affect me. Dh is fine to drive, and legally so too. You all live in a different world to me. I'd say you made a tit of yourself if it was just one pint of lager. I wonder what everyone else will say. Very interesting.

jumpjumpformylove Mon 25-Jul-16 13:40:56

Downing a pint when you're out for little over an hour and in charge of kids is wrong.

His wife calling to say you're no longer welcome in their house is very OTT.

I think you should be pleased to no longer socialize with this pair.

MrsJoeyMaynard Mon 25-Jul-16 13:41:01

YANBU.

I'd personally be struggling to make an apology that wasn't along the lines of "sorry you think it's okay to endanger my children by drinking and driving" , but that would probably just make things worse.

Re. mutual acquaintances texting you - the version of events they've been given may be different from what actually happened, and will almost certainly cast friends DBro in a better light than your version would.

SouthWindsWesterly Mon 25-Jul-16 13:43:26

Actually, I don't think OP was OTT as he could have checked with her before agreeing to be the lift.

BIL - "Ah yes - I can give you a lift, no problem. There is a bar there and I wouldn't mind having a drink hot thought I'd check as I'd be driving your children"

MrBlue - "ahh. Conundrum. I do actually" pulls sad face "Would it be better to get a cab?"

He was driving with other people in the car. He's a tit. The fact he downed a pint in one to make a point makes him a tosser.

jumpjumpformylove Mon 25-Jul-16 13:43:46

And isn't it a sorry state of affairs when a grown man can't go out for a portion of the day, with children and stay away from alcohol?

Bottomchops Mon 25-Jul-16 13:45:04

Yes he's obviously a tosser because of his reaction, but not for wanting to have a pint and then drive.

megletthesecond Mon 25-Jul-16 13:46:29

Yanbu. I'm zero tolerance when it comes to alcohol and driving. No alcohol is the only appropriate amount before driving.

PlotterOfPlots Mon 25-Jul-16 13:47:23

Depends if you want to keep your friend. Having internet people telling you YANBU will not fix the friendship.

The bloke reacted badly when you asked him not to drink so he could drive you home. However I really hated the alcohol police telling me off for having half a glass of cava once, while pregnant, back when the guidelines said 1-2 units a week were fine. I was a capable adult making a judgement call within both the law and guidelines, and he probably feels much the same. He was within the legal limit here and he was doing you a favour. Absolutely fine that you didn't want to get into a car with him, good for you, but I can understand he was a bit pissed off at you policing his drinking so he could drive you home.

Bottomchops Mon 25-Jul-16 13:48:24

jump going out with our dc for the day ensures we partake in an alcoholic beverage. How else to take the edge off looking after the little buggers?? grin

witsender Mon 25-Jul-16 13:50:07

He reacted immaturely, but tbh after one pint he is neither over the limit nor likely to be impaired. You made your point, the SIL has the right to feel the way she does. Neither of you feel in the wrong which is fine, but you may have to either agree to disagree or move on.

Sonders Mon 25-Jul-16 13:51:22

YANBU at all! A pint may not put him over the limit, but there's thousands of studies that prove it will affect his reactions which is totally irresponsible if you're driving other people.

The limit in England and Wales is one of the highest in the world as it is, most countries think we're bonkers to allow it.

jumpjumpformylove Mon 25-Jul-16 13:51:55

haha Bottomchops I totally agree! Take it all back grin

DragonsEggsAreAllMine Mon 25-Jul-16 13:53:05

YANBU, I wouldn't get in a car with somebody who had consumed alcohol and my children would never be subject to it either.

Sadly, far too many cant go without drinking and the non drinkers are becoming the outcasts.

Dontyoulovecalpol Mon 25-Jul-16 13:53:36

Tbh my friends and family would probably act the same. He has one drink- which does not impair driving or put you over the legal limit. Research has shown that's the case which is why the limit is there. Some countries, such as Scotland prefer the blanket ban because it's just a case of you're drinking or not, but that doesn't equate to evidence that any alcohol at all impairs your driving

Shinyshoes2 Mon 25-Jul-16 13:53:48

Yabu... Ive had a pint then drove home . It was ONE pint. I'd be pretty pissed off too
I'm an adult
My MIL does this , thinks she's the alcohol police
Him Downing it in one though was a point he was trying to make

Oblomov16 Mon 25-Jul-16 13:56:20

YABU.
One pint does not put MOST people over the limit.
So he is not doing anything wrong, not breaking the law in the UK. I accept that the rules in Scotland are different now, but that is irrelevant, because you weren't in Scotland.
How his wife re-acted seems a bit OTT.

Ragwort Mon 25-Jul-16 13:57:12

The Law is different here and it is not illegal to have a pint of beer and drive; most people I know would have no difficulty in accepting a lift from someone who had had one pint. I do think your reaction sounds a little extreme. My DH frequently has one drink and brings our DS home, I'd never even consider it an issue.

I do think a lot of Mumsnetters have very extreme attitudes towards alcohol.

Shakirawannabe Mon 25-Jul-16 13:58:44

You are in the right, don't back down with your sil. You put the kids first and anyone that doesn't agree, your better off without
flowers

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