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AIBU?

I always pick DS up, from nursery, with a wet nappy...

55 replies

GreyGraveyard · 25/07/2016 00:34

DS is 3, he has been going to this nursery (since September) and things have been going well. However, he always seems to come home in a wet nappy... Maybe twice a month he doesn't. I think it's more than a coincidence.

I spoke to his Key Worker, who said that she wasn't aware, so he must be peeing just as he leaves. I really don't believe that, DS shows obvious signs when he is peeing...

I know it sounds like I'm jumping to conclusions, but I feel like they just don't bother changing him (he only goes for a few hours in the mornings, 3 times a week) but there is no way to prove this, is there?

What can I do? Thanks!

OP posts:

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SweetPea79 · 25/07/2016 00:37

If you think they're not changing him at all as he's only there a few hours, make each nappy with pen so you can see if it's been changed?

Most nappies are designed for up to 12 hours so it's not a huge issue really.

NapQueen · 25/07/2016 00:40

Is the nappy sodden?

If he is there fewer than 4 hours and goes with a fresh nappy then unless he poos or has a major amount of wees, why would he even need a fresh nappy on?

GreyGraveyard · 25/07/2016 00:40

That's a good idea I know it may not seem like a big deal, but DS is very prone to rashes, which then causes pain/upset, which could all be prevented.

OP posts:

GreyGraveyard · 25/07/2016 00:41

Because if he needs a second wee, he won't go... Which is bad.

OP posts:

littleducks · 25/07/2016 00:47

Tell me to butt out but if he shows obvious signs be it's peeing and gets bad nappy rash wouldn't you be better toilet training him?

littleducks · 25/07/2016 00:50

Especially if you have established he can hold it in

GreyGraveyard · 25/07/2016 00:51

I'd love to toilet train him, but we can't right now.

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HappyGoLuckyGirl · 25/07/2016 00:51

Do you mean the nappy has got some wee in it, or he has peed so much the nappy has leaked and his pants are wet?

If the former then I think you need to let it go. It's unreasonable of you to expect nursery staff to change his nappy every single time he has a wee.

GreyGraveyard · 25/07/2016 00:53

Why is it unreasonable, Happy? When he is uncomfortable...?

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Anonymouses · 25/07/2016 00:54

At 3 most kids are toilet trained tbh and those that aren't can normally hold it in. I wouldn't imagine it's routine to change a 3 year old who is only there 3-4 hours unless they were sodden or stinking.

Anonymouses · 25/07/2016 00:55

Also why can't you train him? Nursery will help you with it.

GreyGraveyard · 25/07/2016 00:56

There are reasons... Which nursery are aware of.

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ayeokthen · 25/07/2016 00:59

Ds2 always has his nappy changed at nursery, they make a point of changing all the kids before they're picked up (2 hour session). I don't think it's unreasonable to expect his nappy to be changed if it's noticeably wet.

littleducks · 25/07/2016 01:06

I dont think you can expect nursery to change him if his nappy is just damp.

I am struggling to think of a reason why you can't train him. So might be off the mark here if it's something related to mobility or something but could you train him to remove his own wet pull if he is uncomfy?

My ds can change his own pants now after practice and still wears a nappy overnight and can remove and switch to pants in the morning himself. So I would have thought an older child could probably change a at pull up with practice? If toilet training really isn't a possibility.

VioletBam · 25/07/2016 01:12

I agree with others that the nursery shouldn;t send him home soaked but there aren't many reasons you can't train him unless, he has special needs of course.

Has he got SN? If so then I would be booking an appointment with the manager about his nappies.

NapQueen · 25/07/2016 01:12

If he can control his need to pee enough that he refuses to pee in a nappy which already contains one wee then why wold he not be able to be trained?

Whosthemummy16 · 25/07/2016 01:14

3 year olds are usually on a 1:8 ratio of staff to children at Nursery. They won't have the time to change his nappy every time he does a wee, if the nappy was full or soiled yes but not after every wee.
It must cost you an absolute fortune in nappies if you change him after every wee !
Why can't you toilet train him ?

GreyGraveyard · 25/07/2016 01:23

His nappy is mainly full after a wee... It's uncomfortable, causes rashes and gives DS anxiety about going again... So they do need to change it.

He was born with a birth defect.

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ayeokthen · 25/07/2016 01:28

Can you speak to the headteacher/nursery manager? It's a medical issue, so you have a valid reason for your concerns, and a valid reason for him to still be in nappies. I'd hope they'd listen and take it on board.

VioletBam · 25/07/2016 01:46

So his birth defect is making potty training slower or delaying it?

I would go in OP and make an appointment with the manager to discuss the issue in person and to make sure he is changed more regularly.

PansOnFire · 25/07/2016 01:57

If your DS is clearly uncomfortable but is showing signs of having some control then there needs to be an 'inbetween' stage for him if full potty training has to be delayed. You should meet with nursery and come up with a plan - if he shows signs of needing to go then perhaps he can go on a potty but then put the nappy back on? Or use pull ups. I agree that if his nappy is full and causes him distress then he needs to be changed, especially if it is not possible for him to be potty trained.

hazeyjane · 25/07/2016 04:19

If he is uncomfortable after a wee and letting the staff know, then they should change him. I am shocked that they wouldn't.

I would say could you ask the staff to change him once a session as a matter of course, but this wouldn't help if when he does a wee he needs changing straight away.

You need to have a meeting with the manager in which a plan is drawn up, can you get a letter from his consultant/gp explaining about the defect and consequences for toilet training?

Does your ds feel uncomfortable asking to be changed? Could he have a card he shows them, or a sign (do they do Makaton?) for nappy/toilet that he might be happier using?

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PurpleTango · 25/07/2016 04:35

All children in my area are eligible to attend nursery, attached to school, when they reach 3 years old provided they are toilet trained. They all are. How come your 3 year old still wears a nappy?

captainproton · 25/07/2016 04:55

Could your DS ask the key worker to change his nappy? A bit like when a child asks to Go to the loo?

If he's already asking and being ignored I wouldn't be very happy.

It might also be worth investigating larger more specialist nappies that can hold more. It sounds like he is reaching the limit of the size he is currently using.

VioletBam · 25/07/2016 04:56

Purple did you not read the whole thread?

I suggest you do before asking why he's not toilet trained.

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